Under The Influence

Matter

Shawnie's POV

The next couple of days I was just confused about my "feelings" for Aubrey. Yeah, I like him but did I like him that much. I've been trying to keep him at a distance for a while, how did this happen? I love Chris, but I just can't be with him right now.

They held him for another 24 hours, his lawyer Mark, took care of everything. They have another court date in about a week and Aubrey keeps insisting that I represent him. I think Billy should but we'll see how all of that works out in the coming days.

I feel bad for Chris though. He's being dragged through the mud in the media. They're painting him out to be crazy again. Chris might be a little off, but I don't think he's crazy. Like he wouldn't turn into a stalker or anything......well, he kind of has some stalker tendencies but whatever. I'm not going to get into that.

"You look like you're in deep thought." I hear a voice say from behind me. I turn around and see Chris standing on his side of the bed.

"I was."

"We didn't really get to talk about this last night. When you came over, everything went so fast and we never got around to it, but I want to apologize for grabbing you. I didn't mean to get that upset and do that. I'm sorry."

"I know, it's okay."

He walks over and stands in front of me. He reaches down and picks up my arm, looking at the bruise he put there when he grabbed me.

"It's not okay. I can't believe I did this." He says, visibly disturbed.

"No Chris, it's really okay. Everything was going crazy that day and I don't hold you accountable for your actions in that situation. You were upset, and I feel if he would've let me handle it, everything would've been okay. So please, don't beat yourself up about it. I'm not going to say anything to anyone about it. It's okay."

He sighs in relief and smiles, "Thank you, and I'm happy you understand what happened."

"Yeah..." Just then my phone rings. I take it off the nightstand and see that it's my dad calling.

"Is that him?" Chris asks

"No, it's my dad." I ignore the call and place it back where it was.

"Go ahead, we can finish the conversation later. Tell him I said hi."

"No, it's okay. I don't want to talk to him."

"What? You always want to talk to your dad what's wrong?" He asks looking confused.

"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it." I sigh, "Anyway, Chris, it was fun but—."

"Don't go." He says

"I have to and we can't do this again. This is the second time I've had sex with you since we've broken up and I can't keep doing this to myself." I say

"So stop doing it. Kick him to the curb and come home. You know you love me, why are you fighting it? I went to jail for you, twice." He says

"No, you went to jail because you can't control your anger." I say, correcting him.

"That too, but—."

I cut him off, "There's no but. I have to go." I find my dress on the bed, which was mixed in with the sheets.

"I see the way you are with me I know you ain't satisfied." He says and I pause for a minute, then I turn around, turning my back to him. I can't have this conversation. I know he's right but I'm not going to tell him.

"Baby, I need you, the only love I have in my heart is for you."

"Chris, stop." I say, trying not to get into my feelings. This is too deep for me right now. I don't want to show my feelings because if I do, he's going to use it against me, then he's probably going to get what he wants.