Under the Influence

Trust Me

Shawnie's POV

It's been a couple of weeks since that visit to Toronto. I told Chris everything that happened from beginning to end, even about the kiss. I didn't want there to be any bullshit or for Aubrey to lie to Chris about anything. I wanted no room for bullshit, as Chris said.

My time away from Chris has been hard, but I'm still trying to push through. I don't have a choice. He's where he needs to be, and his mom is here now, and I love it. Overall, I feel I'm happier. I have someone here to talk to all the time. My family is here, but not 24/7 like I need them to be. The truth is, they can't be here the way I want them to be. They have jobs and families, too. I'm grateful that Chris's mom postponed her responsibilities to be here with me. She has been here for the last couple of weeks, and I appreciate it so much.

Chris is okay. He's still very adamant that something is going on with Dr. Jordan. I haven't talked to him, and he hasn't called. Chris has been having sessions with Dr. Foxx, and he's somewhat okay with that. He still wants to quit the program. He's trying to find any and every reason to quit, but his mom and I keep reminding him that he only has a couple of weeks left, so he stays. Let's hope this continues.

Chris POV

I woke up irritated today for some reason. My energy is completely off today. I feel I got some crazy shit going on behind my back, and I don't know who it's with, but I feel like I need to watch myself. I'm already on edge because I feel like my doctors are against me. I really don't want to finish this program, but Shawnie and my mother keep telling me to tough it out and make it to the end. This shit is hard, man.

After I meditated and tried to calm my thoughts, I had to go to therapy. I've had something weighing heavily on my mind for the past few months. Shawnie and I have been through a lot, and honestly, this has nothing to do with her. This is something that I've been dealing with on my own. Shawnie knows nothing about it. I'm the only one who knows what's going on. Well, one other person and I, but this has really been weighing me down. I feel like it's time for me to come clean about this, but I know that everything that I have worked for will be in jeopardy.

I've been wanting to talk to my therapist about this, but something seems off to me with them. I don't necessarily feel negative vibes coming from Dr. Foxx, but it just seems off. Dr. Jordan and I clearly will never be anything, and I'll probably always wanna beat his ass because I feel like he wants my girlfriend. Doing therapy sessions with Dr. Foxx seems to be going well. I don't feel that Dr. Fox and I have the same connection as Dr. Jordan and I did, and I don't feel like he understands me as well as Dr. Jordan did, but things seem to be going smoothly. Although the whole Dr. Jordan thing was probably just an act, I really did feel like I was getting somewhere with him, but clearly that was bullshit.

I went to my session and took a seat on the sofa. I waited about 10 minutes for Dr. Fox, and when he came in, he seemed irritated. Maybe that's just the vibe today, everybody's just irritated and annoyed with life.

"Good morning, Chris, how did you sleep?" Dr. Foxx asks to take a seat at his desk.

"I slept alright. I feel like things are a little off today, but other than that, I think I'm doing pretty well."

"That's good. I woke up this morning to some crazy news, but I'm doing pretty well myself." He says, seemingly searching for something on his desk.

"Cool," I say. I continue watching him look for whatever he's looking for.

"So what do you want to talk about today? Do you want to pick up where we left off yesterday, or do you want to start with something else?" He asks. I don't think he's ever asked me that before. Normally, we pick up where we left off the day before.