Under the Influence

Substance

Shawnie's POV

The drive to my therapist's was long, even though it was only 30 minutes. That conversation with my dad really had me thinking. I feel so bad that he feels that way about Chris, and honestly, it's a complete 180 from when he loved Chris. He even said it out loud; he looked at him like he was his son. A few months ago when he sat all three of us down and talked to us he was team Chris. Now all of a sudden, he doesn't want me anywhere near him.

But Chris was right, my dad feels that he's coming between us. I understand that because after my mom died, it was just my dad and me, then Chris came along and took me away from him. I get it, but I want him to be happy for me. I hate that it's like this. I don't care what my dad says, I know how I feel about Chris, and I know how he feels about me. I'm not going anywhere, and neither is he. We've worked too hard at this relationship to just let it end on some bullshit. We didn't let the bullshit tear us apart the first time, and I can say that now I'm definitely in this 100% and I'm not gonna let anything, or anyone, not even my dad, come between us.

I went to my therapy session. I was a little nervous, because for some reason I feel like I let her down last week when I didn't show up to my session. I've only been seeing her for a few months, but I feel a connection to her.

I parked outside Dr. Washington's office and sat in the car for a moment, gathering myself. I hated that I missed last week's session. It sat on me heavier than I expected.

I knock lightly before stepping inside.

"Come in," she says as she looks up from her desk and smiles. "Hi, Shawnie. Have a seat."

"Hi, Dr. Washington. How are you?" I ask as I sit on the sofa.

"I'm well. How are you?"

I exhale. "I'm  stressed."

She finishes jotting something down, then moves to the chair across from me, notepad in hand.

"Tell me what's going on," she says. "And we'll come back to the fact that you missed last week."

"I'm sorry about that," I say quickly. "Something came up."

"With Chris?" she asks

"...Yes."

She nods slowly. "Okay. Tell me why that required you to cancel."

I hesitate. "He needed me."

"Needed you how?"

"He's... going through something. And I felt like I needed to be there."

"Needed to," she repeats. "Or chose to?"

"I chose to," I correct myself.

"Okay," she says, finally writing something down. "Go on."

I shifted on the couch. "Chris and I... we're back together. Or... working on it."

"I'm aware," she says evenly.

"And since then, things have been... intense and a little complicated."

"I've seen some of the media coverage," she says. "Is that connected to why you missed your session?"

"Yes."

She nods once. "That would have been an important time for you to be here."

I look down at my hands. "I know."