Under the Influence

Let S**t Go

Shawnie's POV

A few days later, I was lying in bed. My back was turned towards the door. I was trying to sleep, but I was doing a lousy job of it. I cannot sleep when Aubrey isn't next to me in bed, and I don't know why. I have been going to sleep in his arms consistently ever since we moved into the Lincoln Park house, except for a few nights when he was away on business. If I don't have him here, I can't sleep. It's been a little over two months since Aubrey and I have been together, and we've only been in LA for about a week. So it's extra stressful because it's a new house I'm getting used to. I wanted to stay in Chicago, but for obvious reasons (Chris), I came back.

That whole thing that happened with Chris a few days ago can never happen again. Aubrey and I have built this bubble around us, and everything is so calm and peaceful. We don't argue; we don't even have disagreements about anything, and that is so new to me, especially after so long in a relationship with Chris. It was like we argued constantly about women and drugs. Then neither of us wanted to talk about the issues we'd been through or were going through. I don't have those problems with Aubrey, and it's very refreshing not to have to deal with that. He's always so open and honest with me.

So when Chris came over here, with all the feelings he has towards Aubrey and my relationship, it just felt like he was here for bullshit. I don't care what he says; he didn't come over here to be nice. He came over here to be an asshole. All he's trying to do is let me know he can do whatever he wants, when he wants. I know Chris's games, and I was more pissed off that Aubrey and his staff let him into this house, knowing the history we all have. That was so crazy to me.

After I explained everything to Aubrey, he understood why I was so livid. He understands that we've worked hard over the course of the last couple of months to get me somewhat back on track, whether that was through therapy or with him just talking me through whatever. He knows now that I'm a little emotionally scarred, and I will be for a bit. It was an abrupt action I took, even though it had been on my mind for a while. It was a change in my everyday life that was honestly a little traumatizing. Maybe that isn't the correct word, but that's mostly how I feel. I was with Christopher every day. Every day since we had pretty much made it official, in Chicago. We talked constantly, even if we were on bad terms.

When you love someone so much, you'll stay with them because you think it'll click in their head, and they will understand everything wrong, and/or what they're doing wrong. I did that, and I knew I was doing it. I wanted to give him time to see his wrongdoings, but after a while, I realized he knew what he was doing; he was doing it anyway. He chose to cheat on me with all those women. I still let things slide that I shouldn't have. And he did too. Yes, it was comfortable, and there's nothing wrong with that, but that comfort became a crutch and a reason not to notice when the relationship was really over. I was so comfortable, I didn't fully realize how toxic our love for each other really was. We both were guilty of that. BOTH of us.

Now that I've gotten out of that relationship, I feel overall different. I feel like I have a different life. This is mine and Aubrey's space, and we're good here. We don't need any of that outside negative energy here, or any that comes in disturbing our peace.

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Aubrey has been out with some of his guys for a few hours now. It was a business meeting that turned into a celebration. What they were celebrating, I don't know, and I didn't ask. Aubrey was in contact with me all night, as usual. He always makes sure I'm okay, wherever he is. After Christopher, I always think the worst. I love that about Aubrey; he's always volunteering information about his whereabouts, and I can see his location, but I also hate that he's always so involved in everything and is always out. I understand, he's working. That's just something I have to get over. He is a very busy man with many businesses to tend to.