Under the Influence

Paradise/Frustrated

Frustrated

Chris's POV

After that bullshit happened over Shawnie's house, I headed home. Hell yeah, I was sitting outside her house because I wanted to know what the fuck was going on. At first, I was going to drive by, but then I saw that white Phantom in her driveway, and I automatically knew that it was Drake's. I could've easily just knocked on her door and asked why he was there, but I didn't wanna make a scene, so I waited. I got comfortable because I was gonna wait and see how long this bitch was gonna stay there. What pissed me off even more was that I fell asleep and woke up around 2:30 am, and his ass was still there. So when 8 am rolled around and I saw him leave, I already knew what it was. I still sat outside her house for a while after he left because I was debating whether I wanted to go in there or not, but then his ass returned, with food and shit. He had changed his clothes and everything. That's when I just said fuck it, and I called her.

I'm upset with myself because I wasn't supposed to get angry. I was honestly calling her to talk. I wanted to see if she would make him leave because I called her, but the conversation just went completely off the rails, and I just went off. I didn't mean to lash out at her, and I didn't mean to freak out the way I did, and I definitely didn't mean to flip out on all the paps, but she just made me so angry. I'm sure I'm going to get arrested for breaking the paparazzi cameras, so I'll just patiently wait for that because that's the type of shit they live for. I'm trying to save my relationship, and they're filming the shit out of it.

Drake's ass was trying to piss me off. I'm sure he was hoping I would hit him, and I was seriously trying to get to him. I was so caught up in the moment that I hit Shawnie. It wasn't intentional, but I just wanted her to let me go and fight him.

While I was on tour, I had so much time to sit and think. Yeah, I was busy performing and everything, but riding the bus from city to city gave me a lot of time to myself. I called and texted her a lot, but she didn't answer. Now I know that was because she blocked me, but let's be clear, I only wanted to talk. I wanted to fix my relationship because it meant so much to me. I've told her, but I don't think she knew how serious I was about her. I know I had my issues, but I wanted to marry her. I didn't want to end things, and I thought we could work things out. I know I messed up, but I intend to do everything in my power to get her back.

I don't necessarily know how to feel about her and Drake. He had been lurking around for a month, and I think this was his plan all along. I feel like he was waiting for things to get bad between us, so he could swoop in and make a move on her. The sad thing is, it worked because he has her. Now, not only am I fighting to save my relationship, I have to fight to get her away from him as well, and I already know he isn't gonna let her go. She's a good one, and he knows that. So I'm just going to have to hope that her love for me is enough to bring her to her senses and bring her back to me.

I was sitting in my living room, playing 2K by myself. I didn't want any friends over. This wasn't a time to be trying to have fun and all that shit because, honestly, my life was a mess. I mean, it really wasn't a mess, but my love life was. I told her I would stop with the drugs and shit, but smoking marijuana is legal, and I needed something. I had a bottle of Hennessy and was drinking it as well. I needed something to help me get through. Since I promised her I wouldn't do hard drugs anymore, I figured this was the next best thing. She isn't around anyway, so it's not like she would know. This is what I've been doing every night since she left me. I can't even sleep in my own bed, because it feels weird without her there with me. Since I've been home, this is just my life right now. I do it to get by, especially when I don't have any business to handle.