Under the Influence

Bet You Know Now

Chris POV

When I get back in the house I see her sitting on the sofa, with her arms and legs crossed. She had a sad look on her face, and she was shaking her head.

"Shaw—." I was cut off by her yelling at me.

"IF I WOULD'VE KNOWN IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS—."

"I KNOW, I KNOW! CALM DOWN." I yell

"WHAT?" She yells, "Chris... I'm done with this crazy shit. I'm pregnant, I can't deal with you acting crazy like this anymore." She said with tears in her eyes. "Baby, I need to take a break. I mean that. We can either take this break or break up for good. I'm asking for this because we need it. I think we got back together and thought things would be all good but that's not entirely the issue. I've been working on myself, and although you've gotten a little better, you're not really working on yourself. You're still using. I can't stand by and let you keep doing this. You act like that when you use and I don't like it." I say referring to the incident we just had outside. "Chris, I know you're hurting but stop—just stop." She says breaking down. "I get it."

I just stand there listening to her. She's right. I need to stop this. I close my eyes and here come the emotions. I start to feel everything, and I mean everything. Everything throughout our relationship. Shit, everything even before our relationship. It just all hits me at once.

All I know is this girl is lucky I love her, and I mean like really love her with all of my heart, because we all know the Chris that doesn't give a fuck about nobody but himself. I've come a long way because the old Chris would be on to the next, pull up on her with the next bitch just to hurt her. All the shit I've been through with her, she's so lucky. But I can't do her like that, because I care too much about her.

She was sitting on the sofa, crying. I felt bad because I really am putting stress on her acting like this, but I have reason to. It's too much on me too. I'm sorry to have put her through this, but I have to stand up for myself as well and not let her continue to blame everything on me. That's done.

I take a seat on the other end of the sofa. I feel horrible. We keep putting pain on each other, and I think all of that pain is finally coming down on both of us. It's always been there, but now, I can't bear it. I'm realizing how scarred I am from all of this. And I'm angry. I'm so angry. I knew I was hurting but I'm good at suppressing it, but I can't control this anymore.

I take a few deep breaths. Tears start falling and I can't control them. I lean over on my legs and I lay my head down on my arms, and I just stay like that. I cried for a few minutes. After a few minutes, she came over and put her arms around me, and lay her head on my shoulder. I picked my head up and she just looked at me.

"Baby—."

"I'm good," I say removing her hands from around me, basically pushing her off of me. She looked at me with a confused look on her face. "I don't want to do this with you anymore either," I say

She doesn't say anything, but she nods her head acknowledging me. She then stands up as if she's going to leave but I'm sorry, this isn't going to be that easy. I can't just let her leave without getting this off my chest.

"Do you know the fucked up things that you've said and done to me?" I say, making her turn back to me. She sits back down on the sofa.

"I'm sorry, Chris." She says softly.

"You told me I'm too crazy to have kids. Do you know what that does to somebody? You can't say shit like that. That hurt me."

"I didn't mean to hurt you. That's the last thing I wanted to do." She says and we both know that's a lie.