Results Of A Decade Attraction • Moon Taeil

9

"Y/N," mother calls me worriedly. She sits down beside me with a bowl of soup in her hands. The entire time, my gaze stuck to the painting of the tulip that stuck to the grey wall of my room. I find myself admiring it now, more than I ever had before. It somehow softened my burning heart.

"Mother what does it feel like to be happy?" I inquire lowly. In the past, there was never a reason for a child to ask such a question, nor is there now. And even if I'm not a child, I feel like one. I had always been a passive person, someone who finds it difficult to stand up for myself. No matter the circumstances, no matter how threatening or provoking it is, I barely utter a word in my defence.

"Y/N, don't sulk my child." Mother puts the bowl on my nightstand and wraps her arms around me, warmly. At that moment, I feel safely secured in her arms and the tears that sit at the brim of my eyes are seconds from falling down. "Everything's already been done and there's no need to pity yourself. Qian Kun is no man to fear; he won't even harm you in any way. He—"

"Mother does he even love me... or know me?" I whimper with my hands around her tightly.

"Y/N, stop being so stupid, my child. Love is a children's fairytale and anything that they've told you about it is a myth. It doesn't exist, that I can promise you." She states with her hand patting my back as she rocks me back and forth. Her words hurt in different ways and no matter how rough the situation is due to circumstances, I blindly believe her. "Do you think I loved your father? I didn't. Y/N from birth to age twenty four, my father and your father's father planned out our lives. Today, I don't hold anything against your father, nor does he me. We came to terms with our fate and now we care for each other in a sense of protection, that's all." She explains slowly. One by one her words break me.

Questions and questions fill up my mind, like; would I smile in this marriage? Would I hold a bit of hope that love exists? Would I become like my mother and tell my child that love was all a lie? Will we even produce an offspring? Would I be able to forget Taeil?

"There's no turning back now Y/N. The wedding contract will be ready in less than a month, and with that time you'll be living with Kun." She announces, attempting to cheer me up.

I pull back, astonished by the sudden announcement of living with him. I wonder if its not enough that my parents arranged a marriage, now they want to send me off as well. The world is a cruel place and I know it, but sending me away from the ones I care most about? Do they think of me as a robot or are they convinced that having feelings is a fairytale too?

"He'll be here by tomorrow morning. While you were at the university earlier, I packed for you. All you can do now is add any finishing touches to your belongings, and then a new chapter in your life will open up." She pulls me back in her arms, hugging me tighter than she did before, "I'll miss you, my baby girl." She whispers.

My words are lost in my throat because I don't know how to feel about this. Should I feel good for the sake of my mother and father or should I feel broken? The choice is in my hands, but I don't know whether I should take a step forward or a step backwards. It feels like I'm placed in the middle of a stage. Behind me is Taeil and my parents. In front of me is Kun and his parents.

Which way should I take? I can't answer that, because I'm tied. If I take a step forward or a step backwards, anything can happen. In most of my difficult situations, I would tell myself to do the next right thing. But what is the next right thing?

I heap in a deep breath, blinking away my tears, "Mother, I love you." I give her a tight hug.

That night I found myself at our balcony, crying my eyes out. It rained heavily, drenching my clothes but that was the least that bothered me. Although it took a while I finally decided something.

I'm not going to run from the future. I would seem like a fool. That's why I've decided to take a step forward. I'm going to live with him.

The next day comes quickly and after hugging my parents goodbye, I move to the apartment right next to my parents house. Gently knocking on the door, I wait patiently for someone to answer. It's still early around 6am but I'm startled to hear the door locks clicking to unlock. When the door is slightly pulled back, I see Taeil's mother.

"Y/N, what brings you here so early," She beams at me while tying her robe around her waist.

"I just stopped by to thank you for everything that you have done for me. I'm grateful, thank you. I came to return the spare keys." I give her the keys. "I'm moving out to my fiance's house and even if I want to bid everyone else goodbye, I can't because he's waiting for me downstairs." I smile sadly, pitying myself. I lower my gaze to my feet, clutching the suitcases in my hands.

What a life I have to live...