Her Eyes || Draco Malfoy

62

TW// self harm

Destiny waved her hand infront of my face worringly as she called my name till I looked over at her with a forced apologetic smile.

"Sorry I got little sleep last night because I was reading" I lied, I wasn't reading, I was trying to figure out which dress would and wouldn't show off my own self inflicted scars.

Somehow in the middle of that I broke down and realized how unhappy with my scar covered body I was.

I was leaving in only a meer couple hours and I was still in my pajamas, I looked like I had just woken up and I was so exhausted from my breakdown the night before that I forgot that I needed to be well rested.

I was scared that Draco would find out I was hurting myself again, I mean I couldn't contact him the owls are being monitored and I couldn't risk it.

I loved seeing him happy but I hated seeing him upset because that meant he would be hurting himself even if it wasn't in a direct way like I was.

I couldn't be the reason of that pain.

My hand now wrapped around the handle of the dagger in my hand tightly as I sat on the bathroom floor with newly carved designs in my thighs.

I let a shaky breath escape my chaped lips as I watched the blood trickle down the side of my leg and onto the black towel below me.

At the same time a tear escaped my eye and I observed the heart on my left thigh, broken, the words laid on the inside of my thigh where no one could see.

It was the knock at the door that pulled me put of my thoughts and brought me to my feet cleaning any blood up and making myself look presentable with the dagger out of sight and somehow the bleeding stopped.

I slipped on my bottoms, a black skirt and tights then my top and jacket before opening the door with my clothes and towel in hand.

Destiny stood before me, her deep blue eyes held worry and her black hair a mess.

I didn't say a word as I pushed past her letting my feet carry me to my room where I dropped the itema in my arm into a small pile.

I took the dagger, still covered in blood and hid it somewherw in my room where I thought no one could find it.

I sighed, "only 1 more hour" I told myself as I opened up my window once more and looked below to the ledge to make sure that there was no visable evidence of my presence from the night before.

Luckily a thick layer of fresh snow covered the spot I sat and the blood surrounding it, I moved back inside and closed the window; locking it then moving the curtains infront of it.

There was a short moment as I looked at the window with the green curtains that blocked my view of the outside world where I remembered Draco humming to me while I had an anxiety attack.

It hadn't been that long since I last saw him but still I missed him so much and wished I could be with him right now.

I sat down pulling my skirt up slightly and pushing my tights down to run my thumb over the fresh scars with the new words and designs I imprinted upon myself to serve as a constant reminder that I was lost.

I sat like that for a while till it was time for me to leave as I stood up to make myself presentable standing in the mirror.

My scars we not visable and my face was no longer stained with tears infact you couldn't even tell I was crying by the way my makeup remained untouched and my face no longer the swollen red.

I slipped a jacket on before slipping out of my room with my bags to place them by the fireplace and heading into the kitchen where my cousin and father were.

Giving them a small smile I got myself some water and avoided all eye contact afraid I'll break.

"You've been quiet lately" Destiny spoke up trying to get me to look at her which I eventually I did while trying to hide the hurt in my eyes as she observed my face.

I failed though as she narrowed her eyes and brought her hand up ot push a strand of hair out of my face "what's wrong?" She kept her voice low in order to not worry my father.

I took a sip from my cup and gave her a side eye shaking my head "I'm fine" a lie that she could easily see through as she tilted her head as my father left the room.

"Destiny I'm—"

"Iris I know I heard you last night"

I froze, slowly looking back over at her with a smile to deny her claim but she didn't let me "Iris I saw the blood—I know what you're doing and I don't want to have to find you bleeding out on the bathroom floor again" tears filled her eyes as she spoke lowly.

I didn't know what to say so I just stared at her with my eyes widened slightly in disbelief of her words.

"I don't know what you're feeling or why you're doing this but this isn't the way to go" she whispered but I ignored her as I turned around slowly to walk out of the room.

"I don't know what you saw Des but I'm fine," again I lied but this time she gave it up and let me leave the room with no further questions.

I had to leave in 30 minutes and now I stood in the bathroom again looking at myself in the mirror.

I didn't reconize myself, I couldn't reconize myself because this wasn't me anymore, I didn't know why I was suddenly doing this again.

I had bags under my eyes, barely visable with my makeup but still noticable as I pulled the under my eye down.

I stared myself down, my blue eyes meeting the ones in the mirror before going over my face I counted the freckles on my face then kept my eyes on my light brown hair running my fingers through it.

I thought for a moment then shook the thought away as I knew if I did cut my hair I'd regret it in no longer than a week.

I watched as my mind started to fuck with me, my face became distorted and I closed my eyes resting my forehead against the counter below me when a knock threw me out of my thoughts.

I quickly moved to the door and opened it though I was hesitant when I saw my father standing before me with an eyebrow raised with concern.

In order to avoid all questions I pushed past him and headed down to the livingroom where I said my goodbyes to my father and Destiny.

"Malfoy Manor"