Her Eyes || Draco Malfoy

71

TW// Self Harm

Night came, I was all alone in my dorm room once again because I wasn't to go to the bust, I wasn't even to know of it.

With my dagger in my hand I still wasn't clean, infact I haven't been in a while and every inch of me hated to think that I couldn't stay clean even for the people I loved most.

There was blood everywhere surrounding me, everytime I casted a cleaning charm it would just be replaced with fresher blood.

Despite being happier lately, I still felt that emptiness in me like everything I have gone through will live with me for the rest of my life now that I live in the home it all happened in.

It was my stomach that covered with open wounds and burns from my wand because it was the only way I could feel when I was alone.

It's quite funny actually how only a few hours ago I was having sex with my boyfriend and now I'm covered in my own blood in my dorm room all alone.

I should take a shower or a bath before they returned but I knew that if I did something in me would snap and it would be a repeat of what happened over break.

I twirled the dagger between my fingers when the door handle started rattling.

I froze for a second before jumping to put my dagger under my pillow and placing a cleaning charm on the room and myself.

The blood still soaked through what Inwas wearing through which served little use to the charm I had just used so I threw on a new shirt before opening the door.

I put on a fake smile, hiding the fact under the black long sleeve I was bleeding externally due to self inflicted cuts and burns.

I was sure that Ruby would be able to see right through my act, I mean how couldn't she, shes been my best friend for as long as I can remember.

But I was wrong as she just walked past me ignoring the painfull pleadings of my eyes which only made me feel worse.

I needed help, I wanted it despite my internal screamings and silent pleads for help I didn't know how to admit it.

Then Pansy walked in.

"Iris you look ill" She rushed to me placing her hand on my cheek and her eyes filled with worry "Iris are you feeling okay?"

I didn't respond instead I stood up and walked out of the room to meet Draco who looked just as worried as Pansy.

"I feel sick" I lied but it caught his attention "can you walk with me to the hospital wing" my words came out as a mumble but the blonde understood me as he placed his hand onto my lower back nodding.

I noticed his uneasiness when we left the common room, his hand moved up and down my back gently.

"you haven't been throwing up have you?" The sudden question threw me off gaurd and I shook my head immediately showing a hint of confusion for a moment before realizing what he was hinting at.

"I'm not... you know.. if thats what you're thinking Draco—I'm just.." I paused halting my steps before pulling him into one of the alcoves nearby.

He tilted his head slightly when I lifted my shirt up slightly to reveal what was hidden when his eyes widened and a look of worry covered his face.

He grabbed my arm to hold me still letting a sigh leave his lips "sit" I was confused till he pulled his wand out, spinning his between his fingers before closing his eyes.

"I can heal you then take you to madam pomfrey—but please try to stop this I can't see you get hurt anymore and I definitely can't lose you"

He was hurting, I could hear it in his voice as he spoke so I nodded "your father told me a spell that heals wounds like this but you need to stay still because it will sting-" he slipped his hand into mine and my eyes met his icy silver ones.

"Squeeze my hand okay?" I nodded feeling his wand press softly onto my stomach gently before whispered inaudible words and I hissed loudly squeezing his hand tightly when I felt the sharp pain throughout my abdomen.

It was 30 seconds of temporary pain and my attempt not to scream because all the wounds healed slowly at the same time which is what caused the pain.

Quiet apologies left his lips as he stopped, it hurt him more than it hurt me I think as he held me to his chest kissing my head.

I felt relief melt in me as I relaxed in his arms "thank you Draco" I mumbled before leaning back to meet his eyes once again.

"Rest for a moment—than I'll take you to see Madam Pomfrey, okay?"

With closed eyes I nodded before burying my face into his neck praying not to be caught by a teacher in fear of explaining what we were doing.

~~~

I didn't stay in the hospital wing overnight, instead she did the same old thing, giving me something to drink which smelled suspiciously like plain pumpkin juice though she insisted that it wasn't.

It felt like ages before I finally got to leave and go back to the common rooms where madam pomfrey told me that I should probably 'go straight to bed' but I knew that I wouldn't.

I was right as I laid on the couch with the blonde wrapped in a blanket and my head resting on his chest.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled into his chest and I felt him press a kiss on my forehead "you deserve better" I continued but he placed his hands on the sides of my face making me look at him.

"No—don't say that" he replied softly pushing my hair back off my forehead, my eyes watered as I was about to cry and when a tear fell he kissed it away.

"its true, I keep hurting you" A stream of tears left my eyes as I pressed my eyes shut in attempt to stop the tears that seemed to never end.

His thumbs dragged gently against my cheeks getting rid of my tear but they just kept falling, tears of guilt, tears of me feeling like a failure and horrible girlfriend.

He tilted his head sighing and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear "You're healing, you're not doing it on purpose and you're not hurting me I'm just worry about you because I don't want to see you hurt yourself anymore"

The way his voice softened as he spoke and cracked as if he was going to cry made my heart break more than it already was.

Thats when I broke, tears fell from my already swollen eyes and I cried into his chest as he held me.

"Let it out, love" he whispered rubbing my back, I hated that I was worrying him because I didn't want him to worry about me anymore, I didn't want anyone to hurt me anymore.

"Its okay, I'm here" his reassurance is what slowly made me calm down ans bury my wet face into his neck where my shaky breaths hit his neck.

"I'm sorry" I repeated over and over again, apologizing for everything thats happened over the past few months, for everytime I dragged my blade across my skin, for everytime hes had to hold my unconscious body while I was healed by one fo our friends.

For everytime he's had to watch me almost die on the bathroom floor or my own bed.

When I stopped my rambling I silently cried into the crook of his neck, I couldn't take the pain anymore.