Her Eyes || Draco Malfoy

104

TW// mention of abuse, trauma, self harm, suicide and rape.

When our friends had shown Ivy was stuck on Theodores side and I spaced out, feeling more alone now than ever when Blaise sat down next to me as we all sat outside infront of the fire.

I wasn't really listening to what anyone was saying and I didn't even acknowledge Blaise when he tried to speak to me.

I felt so empty without the blonde beside me, I was overwhelmed, completely overwhelmed.

I was happy to see my friends I truly was but I felt off without Draco.

I had grown so used to having the blonde next to me everyday, to waking up with him next to me and his scent that I felt so. . . off not having him place his random kisses on my cheekbones or having his arm around my shoulder as he spoke.

And so I sat there, completely zoned out as I thought about how he may have been feeling in this very moment, what he had gone through today because he wrote me at least twice a week.

Even with my friends surrounding me I still felt like I was trapped in an empty room, completely isolated from any person, numb from feeling anything at all despite being covered in self influcted cuts and burns.

I needed him more than anything right now, especially with my birthday was tomorrow and I just had to relive the trauma from that night only a few months ago by the hands of someone who wanted revenge.

Hes my best friend, he understood better than anyone else how it felt to not know love, to be looked down on and to be held to a higher expectation.

He knew how it felt to be torn apart by everyone you loved most, to be abused even if it wasn't physically for him, he knew how to calm me down when I was having am anxiety attack because he understood.

He was all to familiar with having nightmares, pushed away memories and not remembering parts of his childhood.

He knew me like the back of his hand and he knew my trauma just as well, never using it against me.

He was my secret holder, I told him everything, my human diary.

Thats how I knew he truly loved me, he never ran away when I told him details about my past, he never judged me when I told him how I used to crawl into destinys bed for months after my mother died because the nightmares were so bad.

He always comforted me, he understood and he knew his boundaries.

"Hey" Blaise shook my leg, pulling me back into reality as I turned my head to look at him "penny for your thoughts?" He smiled and I relaxed slightly, sighing.

"She misses Malfoy" Ivy chirped and I looked down, feeling all eyes on me as Ivy got up and moved beside me to let me rest my head onto her shoulder.

I couldn't speak, so she did it for me.

"It's been a month since she saw him"

Ivy was the only person who knew what happened and why Draco wasn't with me and vise versa.

Yet they never questioned it.

"Why don't you go see him?" Blaise asked and I looked over, eyes stinging with tears "I can't.. hes under surveillance and death eaters are still searching for me" at least they knew as much as Draco and I running away.

"Are you not an animagus?" Theo said and my face dropped, I felt stupid as I looked over at him "I forgot" I mumbled out of embarrassment causing us to burst into laughter.

I couldn't believe I had forgotten that I was an animagus, then it hit me, someone knew about me and someone who would turn me into the dark lord.

"Guys—Bellatrix knows"

As soon as the words left my lips everyone went silent, I lifted my head off Ivy's shoulder and it felt as if my entire world crumbled around me "I can't go see him his aunt knows shes seen me" I continued looking around the fire at the others.

"Its not safe to go the manor, my father would be there and unless it was the middle of the night-" I stopped and I could see Ivy look at me.

"Iris no- no I hate seeing you upset like this but it'll be more dangerous if you do that" I looked over at her, glaring as she backed away from me.

"I made Draco a promise, I can't break it" her words her softer and her eyes avoided me, instead they found Theo as I stood up.

"Promises are meant to be broken Ivy"

I walked away, ignoring how my name was being called as I walked into the house and into our room.

Throwing my stuff into a bag I sighed letting tears fall down my cheeks as I cried waiting for the clock to strike midnight, I couldn't be without him.

I knew if I didn't see him I would end up dead or Ivy would have to find me bleeding to death in a bathtub.

Shaking the thought away I wiped my tears away and closed my eyes for a moment.

I looked at Magnolia as she slept peacefully in the crib, smiling softly before turning into my animagus form and flying out the window, that peared over my friends.

I heard them fall silent as I flew over them, they knew it was me and they always would know, especially by the necklace that hung off my neck as it dangled down.