Her Eyes || Draco Malfoy

114

he held me.

The blond never let me go, not once did he leave me alone, he knew what I was feeling and he knew what was going through my mind despite me never saying a word.

I'd never open up, I couldn't physically do it, I couldn't speak about what happened or I'd break down.

New years eve came, we couldn't celebrate but it didn't stop us from trying the best we could not to think about what happened.

Burying my face into his neck I felt him leave a soft kiss against my forehead and mumbled something quiet.

He made me look at him, lifting my chin so I could do so and he smiled sadly at me before leaning into peck my lips softly.

gentle

His eyes were sad, lonely almost and I knew it was because I was barely there emotionally or mentally, I was with him, in his arms but my mind was somewhere else.

We had buried Ivy's mother and Destiny a few days before, no one knew still how Ivy's mother had died, no one saw her get killed only did Ivy find her.

Dracos eyes wandered my face, "whats on that cute mind of yours my love" he whispered tapping my forehead lightly  in an attempt to cheer me up as I smiled softly "did you just call my mind cute?" I asked him and he nodded trying not to laugh.

"yes- yes I did"

I tried to stay positive because I knew that its what Destiny would have wanted, she hated seeing me sad.

So I stayed with Draco, everyday, never left his side because he made me happy even in the times I thought I couldn't be happy anymore.

"I just—I miss her—them" I corrected, knowing that he would be able to tell that Destiny wasn't the only one on my mind right now, that my mom, dad and Zinnia also were in my mind.

He frowned, kissing my cheek softly and leaning his forehead against mine, keeping his eyes shut and letting a sigh escape his lips.

"I can't stop thinking about them" I whispered closing my eyes after letting a singular tear fall down my face "I feel like its my fault for what happened, all of them, my mom, dad, Zinnia. . . Destiny" I paused as her name left my lips.

"its not your fault love, there nothing any of us could do" he assured wrapping his arms around me lifting his forehead off mine as I fell face first into his chest, crying and he kissed my forehead in attempt to calm me down.

"no one is blaming you, no one ever will its not your fault" his hand moved to the back of my head. He leaned back and he gave me a reassuring smile "I promise, so don't blame yourself okay?" He whispered as he leaned in to kiss me softly for a few seconds.

"okay"

He hugged me tightly, making me smile as I buried my face in his chest which brought me comfort, his hands running up and down my back as I slowly felt myself relax against him.

I could have fallen asleep right then and there but I didn't.

Instead I laid awake, a smile on my face as the blond hummed, his face pressed against my head and I could feel his smile as he peppered soft kisses on my forehead.

It was to comfort me, I knew because he always did it when he knew I wasn't feeling the greatest.

It always worked too, it always would work because it was one of the things that would calm me down in an instant, numb me in the best way possible as I couldn't help myself from smiling.

But when his lips found mine I couldn't stop myself from melting completely, I smiled and giggled against his lips.

But my mind clouded and I broke away, burying my face in him only a few seconds later.

"I- I can't do this" it was a confession of how weak I felt, how at fault I was and I could tell by how he held me just how much he understood "its my fault draco- its my fault they're dead" I cried

"It should be me not them none of them deserved to die— all of them deserved to live not me— not me" I felt him hold me tighter and trail his hand to my chin to make me look at him as tears fell down my cheek "it should've been me- I was supposed to die not them"

His hand moved up and down my back in a comforting motion "it should've been me" I hushed "I should've died ten years ago—"

He wiped away my tears, hushing me and rubbing circles under my eye "no, no, it shouldn't have been you and it shouldn't have been them either, I know that it feels like its your fault but it isn't, it never will be okay? I promise" he tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen, I never would.

but when I opened my eyes and saw the look in his eyes as he looked at me, the worry, the hurt, the tears that threatened to leave his eyes.

He continued to push my tears away before cupping my chin "You are meant to be alive, you are loved by many many people my love, including me" it was the last part that made me break as I cried out muffling myself with his chest.

He knew what I needed to hear, he knew what strings to pull to get me to let the wall fall and my emotions to pour because he would rather me to break down in his arms then for me to bottle it up and loose me.

I felt alone inside, like no one understood what I was feeling because fuck I had watched so many of my loved ones die because of me.

It should have been me.

I repeated it over and over, how it should have been me who died, how it was me all along who was supposed to die, me.

not them.

I couldn't stop crying, it felt like hours before I stopped crying but when I slowly stopped it was because I felt myself becoming exhausted and his voice finally registered in my mind as he whispered to me.

He whispered softly kissing my forehead and pushing back my hair.

"you'll be okay," I wouldn't.

I would never be okay; only with him was I okay. I was shaking violently as he held me I was trying not to break down again because I couldn't physically cry anymore.

I was numb, alone even with the blonde holding me and I closed my eyes trying to focus my full attention on his heartbeat and the way his chest rose and fell under me.

One hand ran up and down my back while the other stroked my hair, He hushed me everytime I would try to speak because he knew I would fall down a rabbit hole.

So I stabilized my breathing before opening my eyes and looking up at him as he looked down at me.

He pushed my hair from my eyes before pressing his lips to mine softly while keeping his hand on my cheek and my eyes were shut again.

"I love you" he mumbled against my lips before pulling away "and I know what you're thinking and feeling but I want you to know that it'll get better, easier as time goes on I promise, just stay with me and I'll help you through it" he looked at me, keeping the small distance between us waiting for me to respond.

"please stay with me, I can't do this without you" and I smiled softly leaning in to kiss him for only a few seconds before breaking the kiss "I will, I'll stay but only if you do" seconds later his lips were on mine again.

I felt him smile and I relaxed when he broke the kiss "I'll stay—I will always stay"