Her Eyes || Draco Malfoy

61

TW// mentions of torture, death, self harm and rape + Self harm

I sat at the piano in the corner of my room, my father had moved it there while I was at school and it was a pleasant suprise.

My fingers hit the keys as I played the same song my mother used to play for me when I was little.

I was rusty but still I remembered it.

I stopped at the sound of a knock at the door making me turn around, sniffling and rubbing my eyes as I stood up to open the door.

My dad stood before me with a small thin box wrapped in green decorative paper and a silver bow held out infront of him.

I blinked away my tears and hesitantly grabbed box from my father "Christmas isn't for another 2 days" I muttered while giving him a confused look.

He shrugged smiling softly "open it" he told me as he leaned against the door frame gesturing for me to continue.

I carefully ripped the paper and lifter the matte black top off the box only to be met with orange tissue paper wrapped around a picture frame.

I carefully lifted up the frame and unwrapped the tissue paper then looking at my father with tears threatening to leave my eyes

"Your mother was one of the best chasers Hogwarts ever had—Gryffindor was lucky to have her" he said as I smiled looking back down at the photo.

The picture was taken after a quidditch match so she was in her uniform and she was smiling brightly into the camera while standing next to a familiar looking boy.

"The boy next to her is James Potter—they were close, he was a brother to her, always protected her" he spoke with such admiration knowing that I used to be friends with Harry, his son.

He knows that the brunette hadn't said a word to me since I joined inquisitorial squad.

"Merlins Beard Harry looks like his father" I observed as I smiled down at the photo in my hands, I couldn't keep my eyes off my mother though because she truly was such a beautiful girl.

"and you look exactly like your mother" my father told me with a proud smile on his face before he walked out saying goodnight to me and a tear left my eye at the thought of her.

I stood up wiping it away before setting the picture frame down next to the one of Harry and I and smiling sadly.

I missed her so much, she always put me and my happiness before her own even that night when I had to watch and listen to my mother be tortured for 7 hours.

No one knew what I heard or saw, I couldn't tell anyone, I was traumatized, any child would after hearing her mother be raped and watch her get beaten repeatedly for 7 hours straight with no end till she begged to die to save me.

No one knew that I had nightmares for days, weeks, months, years, hell I still have them of that night, no one knew that every night for 6 years I cried myseld to sleep and multiple times a week I made myself bleed.

Just to feel something, just to prove to myself that I was still human because I was so damn numb that I thought I was dead and in my own personal section of hell.

I was feeling it again, the feeling of being so numb I couldn't tell if I was alive, if this was dream or if this was real life.

I am stuck in this depression, this hell, for the rest of my life and I knew it, I was broken and ripped from my childhood as it begun and I would never get that back.

I would never get my life, my innocence, my childhood, back, it was gone the minute he pulled me into that small room when he petrified my mother.

It was gone the moment he raped me and no one knew that he did, no one knew that my mother wasn't the only thing he took from me that night, not even destiny knew, it was a memory I couldn't bear remembering.

I have lied over and over again about being a virgin because I wasn't a virgin and I haven't been for 8 years.

I still get panic attacks, I still on some nights sleep with a night light even though it didn't happen in my room but the very spare room my father blocked off from the rest of the house.

It took months for me to sleep alone after that night, I made my cousin sleep with me to keep myself from waking up screaming because Destiny was the first person I saw after that night.

She was the first family member I let near me, close enough to see how damaged I was with cuts and bruises covering my delicate 7 year old body.

Returning to the home it happened in it took weeks for me to be able to sleep alone in my own room.

I was damaged, I still am.

I laid in bed and hid under my blankets while clutching the ferret stuffed animal close to my chest.

I couldn't breathe and I was all alone but I didn't let that consume me as I stood up and walked over to the window opening it, letting the wind hit my face.

I wanted to scream 'take me too' to the wind and maybe I would be taken to, I wanted to be with my mother more and more everyday.

I had felt guilty, so guilty everyday since that night because I couldn't safe my mother, I was the reason she died because she sacrificed herself to keep me safe without realizing that I had already been violated in the worst way possible.

My mother died without knowing the truth of what happened to me that night.

Tears fell down my face making my face sting with the cold air hitting it.

Suddenly that ledge looked appealing as I climbed down onto it and held onto the railing; crying even harder.

No one could see me from where I was as I pulled out one of the daggers I was gifted by my aunt a few years back.

I stared at the blade and pushed up my skirt letting the sharp edge dig into my leg and dragged it across watching as my blood surfaced only to drip into the snow under me.

I could feel, all my senses suddenly came back to me as I continued cutting my legs up till I couldn't anymore.

I dropped the dager and watched as the white snow turned red and my clothing soaked slowly with my blood.

I knew it was only a temporary relief and that in only the matter of a few hours my senses would become numb again and that I could do nothing about my state.

Closing my eyes I waited till I stopped bleeding and cleaned the dagger off letting the snow fall to cover the crimson red snow below it.

The cold of the snow numbed me so I couldn't feel the stinging of my freshly left marks as I hid the dragger in my pocket and climbed back into my room.

I put on some black sweats to hide the marks I had inflicted upon myself to make myself prove I was alive.

I knew if Draco found out he'd freak out but I knew I couldn't hide the marks from him, I knew I'd shatter the minute I saw him and we were alone.

I was going over there tomorrow on Christmas eve and staying till the new years eve party which was being held at my home as a suggestion from my father.

He wanted to meet my friends.

I walked into the bathroom and ran the bathtub before announcing that I would be taking a bath.

Once filled I got in and watched the water turn a light shade of pink due to my cuts still bleeding, I hissed and tried not to scream at the pain of the hot water entering my cuts.

I wanted to scream in pain but eventually didn't when I submerged myself under the water fully with my eyes closed.

I needed to feel.

A/N
So updates might be scattered slightly for a bit till the end of the school year next month so I can focus on getting work done and in order to make sure chapters are longer and better written.