Body & Soul 🇰🇷 Part 1

Chapter 16: Seon-Ho

The minute she walked into my room like she had done so many times before I suddenly found myself a little...nervous? In fact, that was an understatement. I was always so busy that I didn't really have time for her at all, but now that we were alone together; she was so god-damned angelic she really did take my breath away for a few minutes, I forgot how to speak when she started engaging in conversation with me that I had started becoming clumsy out of nowhere! I was very self-managed and I trained myself well but suddenly I felt a bit too big for my body around her as I started dropping things, spilling my food and drinks that she had so meticulously prepared for me...I had honestly never felt so embarrassed in my life but she didn't even seem bothered by it. She explored my room properly for the first time but all I could do was keep my eyes focus on her figure, her scented hair, her soft curious fingers that wanted to trace everything in her sight, and her wide welcoming smile that she had every time she turned around...just for me. It was so infectious and warm that I could not help but smile back; my very first that wasn't forced. It felt...downright outlandish at first it was so new to me, I hadn't had anything to smile about for a long time but before I knew it I had already smiled back at her probably 10 times in the last hour. She made her way over to me a few times as all I could do to save myself from even more embarrassment was to keep my head buried in work. She still went of out her way to care for me and really talk to me like no one else had ever attempted...and she did it so effortlessly that I completely lost my composure for the first time in my life that I somehow found myself reaching for her hands, wanting to hold them just to steal a little bit of her warmth...I was beyond deprived of human contact for such a long time I just wanted to feel her even if it was only the once...

She was subtle as she sensed what I was trying to do and before I could compose myself again she had already taken my big rough cold hands into her own, chiding me for not taking care of myself as she began to rub her hands against mine to warm them up...I swear I had never felt anything like it; even my own mother was cold when she was alive but she had no choice thanks to my father. I felt myself blushing so hard I almost began to sweat, but I really didn't want her to let go of my hands either. She took notice of this as she lowered herself to my level and started touching my forehead and actually cupping my face in her hands to see if I was ill or something.

I wanted to fold myself in my bed and never leave the room again, leaving her in it. Her consideration was dissolving me into tears and god knows how I hard I tried to hide my tears but I couldn't...i ordered her to leave, quite harshly as a matter of fact but she totally ignored me. She turned around to face me with no judgment in her eyes or cruel humiliating comments on her tongue that I was so used to hearing on a daily basis for years...instead she walked up to me slowly before she wiped my tears away with a sad smile "I think everyone underestimates how hard you work, right? You study, you train and you exhaust yourself but to no credit. But you know what?" At this point, she had my face in her hands as I was completely frozen on the spot by her mere touch "you are the most intelligent man I have ever come across in my life. And I know that you can do anything you set your mind to...if only the people you surround yourself by giving you a chance to breathe and think clearly instead of working under such heavy pressure. So please stop living like such a recluse and take good care of yourself. You have so much more to offer people than you realise if only you gave yourself a real chance" she still said all of this with a smile on her face before she pulled me in for a light hug but it made all the difference. She was the first person to willingly approach me, willingly touch me, care for me and converse with me like I was a normal human being...and not the imposter I was made to feel like all the damned time. She then turned around and left just as graceful as she came into my room but not before asking some servants on her way back to her room to warm up my own and to bring me a soothing tea.

The minute she was out of my sight I collapsed on the floor under my own weight, wondering that I had just gone through that afternoon was a dream or not. Did she really just comfort me? Embrace me? I instantly started grabbing pieces of my clothes to smell them, hoping my fabrics caught her scent...and they did! I touched the parts if my body that she reached out for, tracing her soft touch in case I forgot it. I reached out for everything she touched and revelled in it. I had not even let her own brother get this close to me despite our deep precious bond...But soon enough, I had found little traces of her in my room much to my delight. Stands of her clothes and ribbon fabrics were coming off on my furniture...she had even left the only piece of jewellery she wore; a small ring big enough to only fit to fit her smallest finger. Since she hadn't mentioned anything about it I saw no harm in keeping it to myself in my home robes.

From that point on she had begun to enter my thoughts like she never had before. She was all I could think about after that sweet speech she gave me...she was the only person to see things from my side...and cared about me even more for it...I was an actual human being to her. For the first time in my life, I actually felt accepted...like I was a man, and a worthless bastard. And it soon became clear that for her I would probably cross all boundaries for her, do anything for her just to see her smile, to make her happy...like she was beginning to make me.

She entered my room without permission one day after I had yet another suffocating argument with my father...and honestly, she was just what I needed right now even though I still couldn't tell her, not while she was living here anyways. She was silent for a while whilst she pretended to browse through a book on my shelf. Her silence killed me much more than anything my father had to say to me. But before I could say anything she actually dared to question my father's argument. "Since when are you worthless? I have seen no such evidence" she thought out loud to herself.

I had no idea how to react or what to say...how could she declare this so confidently when she couldn't even remember who I was? "Your wrong; I am everything he despises..." I trailed off sadly. "Really? Well, he's everything I despise. And you're everything I look up to" for the life of me, I cannot begin to imagine how and why she was so...fearless. She stunned me so much I couldn't help but laugh, which was what I needed at that moment. "What? What are you laughing at?" She asked me, rather defensively, which just made me laugh even more. This was my first laugh in this mansion and my first big laugh in over 15 years. "Oh Yeonn-a, you sure are something else" I was still laughing. "What do you mean?" She pouted; I found her adorable when she did that before she lost her memory. But now? It only highlighted her youth which kept drawing me to her. She was everything my father didn't allow me to be. I took a good look at her and I swallowed hard. I wanted to...but I couldn't...not here, not now...probably never if my father has his way. But I didn't want her to leave either. I tried not to look at her too much but I couldn't help but wonder what she would look like if she kept her hair out, opened her jacket, and wore more of her subtle perfume. I closed my eyes for a small second and I couldn't help but fantasise what it would be like to come home to her directly instead of my cold father. I could imagine her waiting outside for me like she usually did outside of her room, all dressed up just for me. She would welcome me home with a bright smile and some actual physical contact I hoped. She would then take me by the hands and lead me inside. We would sit down together and just talk to each other, and she would look at me to her heart's content without thinking I was worthless, or a monster, or every other negative label that my father used to spew out, and everyone else who took one glance at me. She would take out time to cook for me, to listen to me, to care for me like nobody else wanted to. We would eat and laugh together....we would be greatly happy in each other's company. I believed her to be intelligent enough to even help me out with my work instead of my having to bear the workload and pressure on my own. She...she would sit next to me all day as she helped me, kept me company, and kept me from losing my mind and...she would touch me whenever and however she would like I wanted her to. She would show me affection all the time and even...praise me for my achievements instead of refusing to acknowledge them or shouting at me about how any of it wasn't good enough. She would hold me and we would talk some more before we went to bed...

I had to stop there as I almost collapsed onto my table, clutching it by my fingers... I couldn't dare to think that she or anyone would possibly want me in that way. Not even...not even her surely. She helped me sit down and I caught a whiff of her perfume, which only enamoured me even more. Then she sat across my desk and looked straight at me as usual. "You are the complete opposite of what you were before you lost your memories" I replied to her sadly.