Body & Soul 🇰🇷 Part 1

Chapter 51: Seon-Ho

I also couldn't help but notice how close she was to her tutor who was old enough to be her grandfather. He was a stout short man who had a short temper, but of course he seemed to have a soft spot of Yeon as a lot of people did. I couldn't help but notice she was looking a little lost and sad from the moment I found her. I wanted to approach her and hold her so badly, but of course I wasn't the only one who was following her. I noticed her brother following her when he could and hiding behind a curtain just like myself in her etiquette lessons and it tuns out that he had even found the tutor for her before she had even approached him. Part of me was glad that she had someone she could confide in...but another part of me was agitated that it wasn't me she was confiding it...but I soon found out why.

I hid in my usual spot way behind Hwi who still hadn't noticed that I was following her as well although I knew he had sent some of his new men to find me. My heart felt heavy with this knowledge but right now Yeon was my priority, however I did promise that I would find him later. Constantly thinking about Yeon was one torture but keeping my new feelings about his sister from him was another torture entirely on top of the guilt I had for him for years. "What's the matter Yeonnie? You've been a lot quieter that usual as of late, you're constantly in a daze and you've even let those girls in your class bully you a lot more" "that's the problem..." she trailed off in the same daze she had been in a while. "What do you mean?"

 "I am the only lowborn girl in an etiquette class full of noblewoman that have high-class marriages waiting for them. But ever since I was forced to...show what I can be capable of I seem to the the centre of attention wherever I go. I...there are some parts to my old life that I am glad to not relive again but I miss being invisible, even though I was sheltered a lot. I have had a lot of aliases, and I'm getting lost between them." "Hmmm, what do you mean now?" "I was a noblewoman myself from the time I was born until I was 5 years old. Then my status was revoked to commoner and a ghost due to my father's unjust death. It wasn't a massive change though as my father aways despised showing off his wealth. He treated us like he treated his men; no excess or extravagant behaviour or items, but myself and my brother were never like that. I only loved my books and my brother wanted to be everything my father was. But then I developed epilepsy with my trauma, and then I found myself in the noble world once again when I lost my memories with a man who grew with me but I couldn't recognise him. I can easily adapt in both worlds, so much so that I don't really know where I belong anymore. And I cannot talk to my brother about this since I have upset a lot of people in both worlds who went against me in the first place. If I go home to him we'll have no peace because of me. And I cannot leave the village where my parent's legacies are. First I was a downtrodden epileptic, now I am a woman that has to hide the abilities I am good at to survive. I was a noble woman, then demoted to commoner and now I am in purgatory in both worlds, I even match the two styles of clothing. I lived with the knowledge that the only person myself and my brother let into our worlds was forced to betray us. But I have no ill will towards him and I forgave him the moment I found out as he did everything in his power to keep me safe and raised me himself for years...and his interest in other woman..." she trailed off sadly..."I am just completely lost while trying to survive until can go home to my brother. And I am hiding myself behind my epileptic past because I want to be left alone until I can figure out what to do because I was not supposed to live this life on my own. My father was supposed to be by my side, complete my training...and he would tell me what to do. And then there's marriage; I am finally of age but either as an epileptic or a woman who constantly pushing social and moral norms to its boundaries just to survive and protect others, I would be a disaster of a wife, but how long and I let people point fingers at my brother for not fulfilling this last duty to me." "Well...it sounds like you are lost in your loneliness for the first time, you are also consumed by guilt, concerns and whether you like it or not you do need someone by your side to guide and protect you." "Sure, if you can find someone in this patriccarchle society that can out up with someone like me, then let me know and I'll marry them as soon as I can."

 She was still in a daze but it managed to put a smile on her face. "But that's not all is it? There's something else that is eating away at you constantly." And with that her face changed...and she looked like she was going to burst into tears, but before she would walk away he managed to get in one last question "who are you running away from Seo Yeon? Is it the same person who broke your heart?" And with that she literally ran away without replying.

I felt myself and Hwi both collapse under ourselves as I buried my face in my hands, throughly ashamed of what I had put her through. I couldn't blame her for hiding herself from us. I hadn't even notice that Hwi had approached him as soon as she had left before he talked to him, sounding just a lost as his sister felt. "You sister has a lot of repressed anger and guilt, so she is subconsciously looking for trouble she can fix as a way of repairing the guilt she has for not only you, but the other man in her life. She attracts problematic insecure people, who usually subjects other people to torture and blackmail and deals with the problem herself no matter what the consequences bring to deal with her anger. Not only that, she has a lot of scars on her body that she is also trying to hide behind. When I asked her about it, it is not her concern as it would be to any other woman, her reply is always the same "I am epileptic. No one will care enough about me to ever witness these scars". You have to let her get this out of her system and protect you from her enemies. You also need to stop sheltering her from who she is and just let her be. But you are only half of the problem. The person she is really hiding from is the man she lived with. She's more afraid of his reaction to what he has hidden from her and is running away from him before he either rejects her or distances himself from her himself. She also has had a lot of suitors flocking around her that she has no interest in. That's where you can start to help out. Do not pressure her to come home to you; fulfil your brotherly duties to her when she needs you too and she will come back to you. As for the other man; he needs to be willing to accept her wholly for who she is or leave her life for good"

It didn't take me long to decide what to do; she had went out of her way to keep me sane in my lowest times and I would do I for her to. And a much as I wanted to respect her wishes...well I was too far gone for that; she needed someone by her side and I had to make sure that I suited her present needs...I couldn't let anyone else have her.