Body & Soul 🇰🇷 Part 1

Chapter 38: Seon-Ho

It had been only a couple of days since that night and I was already raging drunk every night, much to my father's outrage in his prison cell. He was already at the boiling point since Hwi walked away from his grip but I couldn't care less anymore. Honestly, I was already considering walking away from it all for my future with her and I still hadn't heard from her while my father was scrambling his last influence over his people at the royal court and was failing miserably. But I still hadn't heard from her and I was beginning to panic, even though the trial was postponed this week I couldn't visit either of them.

I woke up a couple of hours later in her room, completely grateful to Yeon for not changing it too much. In fact it still looked like my home that the raised me in with so much love. I really did stick by her side a lot, I was a total mummy's boy I realised. I wasn't planning on going anywhere and I doubted that she was coming back so I tore her room apart, smashing things in anger and frustration...until I came across a pattered wooden box I bought for her ages ago with and embroidery piece on top with my name on it. I fell to my knees and realised all of the emotions I had been hiding underneath my fake smile that only Yeon saw; she used my favourite colour and sported the sparrow symbolising love; just like my mother would sew into my clothing for protection. I cried for my mother. I cried for the Seo's. And I cried for myself until I had no tears left to cry. My mind wondered back to the times when I had started observing her for the last 2 years she was either always writing or sewing on her room. I hesitated before opening it, not knowing what else I could find out on top of the all the surprises I had already been given in less than two days. I sorted them all by date before reading them....and I almost wished I didn't.

I instantly reached out to it and saw all her letters and diaries that were addressed to me and very recently. The letters contained the details Yeon missed out in her confession; how she got her memories back years ago, and she even thought about running away a few times at first. But she didn't want to leave me, and she didn't. But she began to plot against my father and had him followed by members of her father's village that she reconnected with. She then began to help myself and her brother behind our backs; to having people follow us as well to distracting my father when my own private plans with the king went longer as planned. I instantly sobered up as I went through all her accounts of what did she did when she lost her memory; the jobs she worked at, the specific kind of education she got that she didn't tell me including military education to help me and weaponry like her brother and father. I was completely stunned. It was obvious she couldn't tell me everything in order to protect her brother...and me as well. But I couldn't believe she knew everything; every little detail on all our roles for all these years.

But before I had time to react to that I saw older papers dates years ago with checked lists of the things she had helped us with growing up; to our weapons to our food to basically everything else she suggested....she even listed all of my sins and written 'forgiven' in small ink next to it...I felt completely sick to my stomach and I had to run outside for a minute to throw up all the liquor I had been taking in since the trial and really sober up quickly before returning to read everything else she had left behind...but she also noted how afraid she was of my reaction when everything came out eventually so she essentially wanted to hide from me...and my blunder of a crush on Hui-Jee...and how she noted that she should keep her distance from me from then on...so she could leave us alone so she could give me a proper chance to court her...I fell back absolutely stunned until I felt myself harden all of a sudden; a blank expression came over my face and I felt cold-blooded, there was no goodness around me anymore. I still couldn't get over what she had been through behind my back...she was actually willing to sacrifice her love for me...just so she could give me a chance of happiness even if she meant that she would never get the same chance...

I emptied out the box until I found a torn-up piece of paper, that told me she forgave me a long time ago and that her love for me will not change no matter what. I broke down emotionally, psychically, and in every other sense as well. I knew it was time to let go of all of the pain my so-called father had put me through in order to start my life with her when she came back to me. All I had to do was wait. Too many things had happened and we didn't have the time to start a relationship, but it was clear as day that we loved each other, more than what I thought was possible. I didn't understand then completely why she suddenly distanced herself from me but she went out of her way to take care of me, tend to my bruises when she thought I was asleep, fed me extra food, sewed male accessories for me to prevent catching a cold...and she kissed me in my sleep each time. She would even lay next to me in bed sometimes, her little arms wrapped around my waist and put her small hands into mine, holding onto me like was the only thing in this world she relied on. I didn't know how I was going to manage it but I was going to make her confess her feelings for me no matter what. I still had a ton of guilt about what I put them through but she...she knew what I did and she still stayed by my side even f I didn't always appreciate it...I couldn't believe it.