Sabrina ; The next generation

Twenty-two

The guilt was eating me up.

Sitting here at dinner with my parents and my oldest brother — them not knowing that I went and saw the person they didn't want me to know.

Mum seemed to happy right now, laughing as her and dad talked. It was hard to ever imagine her not being happy.

It was hard to imagine someone being this cruel towards my mum. She was amazing, she was nice and she was strong... how someone could do such things towards her, was a question I could never have answered.

All I wanted was to know what my mum meant when she said she had experienced someone splitting up her relationship. I got curious and I knew no one in my family would tell me, so I went to visit the only person I knew who would.

"Bina, you haven't touched your food." Dad said. "Do you not like it?"

"I'm not really hungry."

"What..." mum laughed. "...you're always hungry."

I chewed on my lip.

"C'mon, Bree." Mum said. "You love spaghetti carbonara."

I sighed and put down my fork which I had used to move the food around with. I leaned back in my chair and looked up to see both of my parents look at me while Alec continued eating in peace.

"I visited Azkaban today."

Alec looked up from his plate and there was a pause where everything was silent before the sound of mum and dad putting down their cutlery filled the room.

They exchanged a glance before mum rested her elbow on the table, her chin in her palm while she ran her fingers over her bottom lip — something Grayson had done too.

They did look similar. It was scary.

I looked down at the table, drawing circles against the table with my index finger.

"Sabrina..." mum said, her voice low. "...what were you doing in Azkaban?"

I didn't answer at first. I kept staring at the table, feeling my body grow hot. I was nervous, I was scared — guilty too. I hated what I had learned today.

"I visited Grayson."

"Alright." Dad breathed, standing up. "Alec, c'mon... let's leave them to chat."

For once, Alec actually did what he was told, leaving the room but he brought his food with him.

I glanced at mum as she cleared her throat and sat up straight, pushing her plate towards the middle of the table so she could fold her hands in front of herself.

"What did he tell you?"

I gulped.

"He... uh— everything."

I glanced at mum again to see her close her eyes and sigh while she leaned back in her chair. She brought a hand up to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I'm sorry mum." I hurried to say. "I didn't want him to tell me all of those things. I only wanted to know what happened between you and dad in school and then I got curious about why Grayson was locked up and how he betrayed you, but he didn't just tell me about what he did... he told me everything that Carrington did and everything that... that Cameron did as well."

Mum tapped her fingers against the table before she grabbed her glass of wine, looking at it as she held the glass in her hand.

"I used to be an alcoholic." She told me before she took a sip of the wine. "All the things I went through from the age of sixteen until twenty. Four years of pure torture from the universe... the only thing that kept me sane was your father and your uncle Marco."

She took another sip.

"Now, I can handle my alcohol. I only drink one glass of wine for dinner when I'm in the mood, but I haven't gotten drunk since I was nineteen."

I looked at my mum. I had no idea where she was going with this — why she was telling me this.

"Grayson was at William and Marco's wedding." She said. "He was one of the groomsmen. He was at my wedding too... he acted like a brother even though I had only known him for a few years."

She took another sip of her wine.

"Are you okay?" She asked before she finally looked at me. Nothing about her seemed angry. She looked concerned which was something I didn't understand.

I thought she was going to hate me.

"I mean— why— why wouldn't I be?"

"Well... because you are seventeen years old and you've just been told that your mother was raped and—"

Mum paused.

"He told you everything? From the rape to Marco and I being tortured?"

I nodded.

"Fuck." She cursed. "I'm so sorry you have to know all of that."

I gulped as I sat up straight.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" I asked. "I visited Grayson in Azkaban and he told me everything you didn't want me to know."

"But darling, the reason I haven't told you what happened when I was young, wasn't to protect me... it was to protect you. You and your siblings don't need to walk around with something like that and I am so sorry that he told you everything."

I looked down at the table. I didn't know what to say, but I could feel a lump in my throat and I really just wanted to cry due to a mixture of relief and sadness about what she went through.

"You know, when I was younger, I was always so terrified to make you or dad mad at me." I said. "I knew I was adopted and I was scared that if you one day got too mad, you'd give me back."

I let out a small chuckle at the memory of me being absolutely terrified that they'd hand me back to whoever they got me from.

"Though now I'm almost an adult and I know how ridiculous that is."

Mum put her glass down and stood up, moving over to take the seat closest to me.

"So you're not mad at me?" I asked and looked at her.

She smiled weakly at me and grabbed my hands in hers.

"I'm not. I'm mad at myself for ever giving you the impression that you couldn't come to me with any questions." She said. "I've healed from everything that happened. If you had just asked me, I would've given you an answer."

"I'm sorry."

Mum shook her head and brought a hand up to brush some of my hair behind my ear.

"No, don't apologise, my darling. Now you know, yeah? The next time you've got a question, ask me about it... and Bree, I don't want this to be something that bothers you. All of those things happened when I was young and my life is now perfect. I'm married to the love of my life and we've got four wonderful children. I wouldn't change a thing."