Sabrina ; The next generation

5

I walked right past my mother, making my way towards the stairs.

I could sense her confusion as I didn't greet her.

"Sabrina? How'd it go?" She asked, but I didn't respond. "Where's your dad? And Naomi?"

"I don't know." I responded, continuing up the stairs before rushing into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

I didn't make it on the team.

I froze out there. I couldn't move. I just stood there, with my broomstick in my hand.

Then I ran away.

I ran off the pitch and I cried because I lost my chance. The chance my dad made sure I had.

Now it was over, and I still stood without a job. I didn't get to play quidditch and that was the only team that wanted me. Everyone knew I was a drug addict in recovery.

No one wanted me to work for them. Not in quidditch and not in anything else.

I threw myself on my bed, hugging one of my pillows close to my face. I shut my eyes, trying to block out the memory— the embarrassment of what just happened.

"Sabrina?!" Mum shouted from the hallway.

She knocked on my bedroom door and when I didn't answer, she knocked again. Then she opened the door, and I heard her sigh when she saw me.

"I take it, it didn't go well?" She asked, slowly closing the door behind her.

"It was terrible." I said into the pillow and I heard mum walk closer.

She pulled the pillow away from under my head, making it drop against the bed.

"I can't hear you when you mumble into your pillow." She said and sat down on the edge of the bed. "What happened, Bree?"

I sighed and turned my head to one side.

"I'll never amount to anything. It went terribly, mum. I froze up out there. I couldn't even get up on the broomstick. I couldn't even get into the air. Mum, I froze."

Mum tilted her head as she brushed her fingers through the side of my hair, pushing it away from my face so she could look at me.

"Oh baby..." she sighed. "...that's okay. We'll find something else for you."

"What else is there? No one wants to have anything to do with me. They all see me as a drug addict. This was my only chance."

Mum shook her head.

"No. You always have more than one chance. Some people may frown upon your addiction, but they are narrow minded and don't think about what you went through. People don't seek to drugs over nothing."

I shut my eyes and bit into my lip. I felt like I was about to cry, but I refused for that to happen right now.

"Sabrina..."

"I embarrassed dad." I said, and then I broke into tears. "He set this up. He promised them I was worth it and I fucked it up and embarrassed him. I let him down, I—"

"You could never embarrass your dad, Sabrina." Mum cut me off. "You are his entire world."

"You should've seen his face. He looked at me like I— he's definitely embarrassed of me."

"Embarrassed?" My dad's voice made me jump, and suddenly I was sitting up instead of laying down.

"Bina, I'm not embarrassed of you. I'm worried about you."

I looked away, wiping my eyes and then moved pressed a kiss to my forehead before standing up.

"Talk to your dad." She told me. "He would never be embarrassed of you."

On her way out of the room, she ran her hand over dad's shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

Dad stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.

"Did I make you think I was embarrassed of you?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"No... I don't know." I sighed, and dad looked at me for a minute before he walked over to sit where mum had sat a moment earlier.

"Listen. It's okay that it didn't work out. Maybe Quidditch—"

"Why are you and mum both acting like this? It isn't okay. Quidditch is what I want to do with my life and this was the only team that gave me a chance. It isn't okay."

Dad nodded, rubbing his hands together before folding them.

"Alright. You're right, Bina. It's not okay, but don't beat yourself up about this. You froze up but that happens to a lot of people, and you've been feeling a lot of pressure lately from everyone knowing what happened with the drugs."

I wiped my eyes again, sighing as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"It was humiliating." I said. "The things I did to Naomi and to everyone else, and I'm sorry, dad, but I'm still addicted. I'm not taking anything but I really really want to, and it's eating me alive."

I inhaled sharply before looking at my dad again, tears slipping from my eyes again.

"I hate myself." I cried. "I'm happy I have a family and I love you guys, but my birth parents gave me up because they didn't want me. My birth father even fled without meeting me. He stood me up. All I wanted was to meet him and he couldn't even give me that."

Dad wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into his embrace.

"I'm so sorry I did drugs. I'm sorry I stole from Naomi and I'm sure that I slept with a guy while high just so I could get more drugs. I'm sorry I—"

"What?" Dad pulled away and looked at me. "You slept with a guy while you were high?"

"I—"

"Was he high as well?"

"I mean... no, but—"

"So a guy who gave you drugs, knew you were high and then took advantage of that?"

"What? No. That's not what happened."

"Then what happened, Sabrina?"

I didn't know what to say. I hadn't meant to tell him I slept with a guy for drugs. I was just sad and apologising for a lot of things.

"Was this Tomas?" Dad asked. "He's the one you stayed with after you ran away. Did he take advantage of you?"

"Dad!" I exclaimed, violently wiping my cheeks. "No, he didn't! It was consensual."

"You were high, Sabrina. You were unable to consent and if you were able, I know you would've said no. You're gay."

"That doesn't mean I can't sleep with guys."

"No, but it means you wouldn't want to." He said. "And I know you. You don't do shit you don't want to do."

Dad stood up, making his way to the door, and I watched him storm out as if he had somewhere to be.