Sabrina ; The next generation

Seventy-three

The good thing was, that I passed my exams.

I didn't get top grades, but I passed and that meant I could make a career once my parents felt safe about letting me go make my own life.

It was my first night back. Mum and dad were fighting in their bedroom just down the hallway and I laid in bed with a pillow pulled over my head. Hopefully I could drown them out and go to sleep, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't help but hear them.

Tomorrow would've been my last day at Hogwarts but my parents brought me home right after Marco told them everything in his office. The feast would be tomorrow and I missed that because of my own stupidities.

Mum wanted me in a facility so professionals could help me out of this, but I refused, and since I'm eighteen, they can't force me. Though I did promise to get clean at home. They set up rules.

I wasn't allowed out throughout my withdrawal period and most definitely not on my own. I wasn't allowed to be home alone and they didn't trust Alec to keep his eyes on me, so mum would be home some days, and dad the others.

My uncle had prepared me for the withdrawals. The symptoms had already started but they would peak within the first seventy-two hours and I was terrified. I hadn't gone past this point before. When I started feeling like this, I'd snort another line, but mum found my stash and she took it all from me.

Groaning, I threw the pillow off the bed and then got up, making my way over to my desk. I pulled out the top drawer, grabbed the last cigarette from the package and lit it before I settled on the window sill.

I placed the cigarette between my lips, inhaling while I managed to open the window so the smoke wouldn't get trapped in here.

I stared into the night, smoking my cigarette. I was trying to take my mind of the cravings that filled my body, and the cigarette helped just a little.

I heard a door slam and then there was footsteps. I looked towards the door to my bedroom as it opened. Dad stepped inside.

"Mum's angry with me." I muttered as I placed the cigarette between my lips again, inhaling it. At the same time, dad walked around my bed, sitting down on it so that he was facing me.

"She's not angry at you. She's scared for you."

I exhaled the smoke out of the window.

"She hasn't said a word to me since she came upstairs with my things." I said, nodding towards the unpacked trunk that laid on the ottoman by the end of my bed.

Dad sighed, rubbing his hands together while he looked out the window for a moment. Then he looked at me again.

"How're you feeling?"

I let out a hoarse laugh, throwing my head back against the wall.

"Like my entire body is on fire. I can't fucking sleep, dad. I need Oxycodone and I know you're not going to give me anything but I fucking need it."

My dad didn't say anything. He just watched as I took another puff of my cigarette. I looked out of the window again, wishing I could go back in time.

"Can you please... dad, I know how to control it. Just give me one pill and I'll be able to prove it to you." I breathed, looking at him again. He looked at me with an expression I couldn't read, and when he shook his head, I cursed loudly and kicked the wall across from me.

"I know it's difficult and it's gonna get even harder in the next couple of days, but we are right here with you and–"

"You don't know shit about how it feels!" I snapped. "I can't be in myself. All I needed was for you all to mind your own business and let me take the fucking pills. That way I would be okay right now."

"We both know that isn't true, Sabrina. People who get addicted to drugs aren't okay." he said. "You took them for a reason and we want to help you get through whatever you're dealing with."

I shook my head, taking another puff. I looked down at my cigarette, exhaling while my eyebrows fell into a frown so that I wouldn't start crying.

Now was not the time.

"I saw those pills in Marco's office and I thought that if he did it, then so could I." I breathed, running a hand over my face. "And he wasn't even doing drugs. He had just taken them from students."

I inhaled a shaky breath before I took a puff of the cigarette, and when I exhaled, I closed my eyes rubbed the spot between my eyebrows.

"I don't know who I am, dad." I said, my voice close to breaking. "I'm Sabrina Magdalena Silverberry-Weasley, but once I was Felicia from Ghana. I know that I'm one-hundred percent fucking gay but I have no idea why I am the way I am."

Dad let out a quite heavy breath.

"You are the way you are because of the way you were raised, and you were raised with a lot of love and a lot of humor." he said. "This is about your birth parents, isn't it?"

I shrugged.

"I just want to know where I come from."

"And that's the reason you did drugs?"

"No!" I groaned. "I mean... I don't know. I've been wondering about my birth parents a lot, and then there's school. I don't know shit about most of the subjects and studying makes me feel fucking dumb. I don't get how I passed my exams. I guess I was lucky, because I certainly didn't study for it."

My dad stood up, walked over and I made room for him to join me on the window sill.

"I just got stressed out for a minute." I muttered. "And now I can't stop."

I broke into tears and dad grabbed my cigarette, putting it in the ashtray on my desk before he pulled me into his embrace.

"I don't know how to stop." I cried. "I've ruined everything."

"No you haven't–"

"Naomi is never going to speak to me again. I ruined that and I don't have any friends anymore. I have no one."

"That's not true. You've got a big fucking family in your corner, Bina." dad assured me. "And I'm sure Naomi isn't upset with you. She only wants what's best for you. That's why she told Marco. She wants you to get help."

"I know." I whispered. "And I fucked it up."

While dad was occupied with hugging me, I reached for his keys that hung from his belt, but then his hand wrapped around my wrist and he pulled out of the hug to look at me.

He sighed.

He didn't look upset.

Just sad.

"I really wish you would consider a facility." he said. "There're professionals who can really help you get through this."

He stood up and walked to the door while I cried, running a hand over my hair.

"Fuck... I'm so tired dad." I cried. "I just need one pill. Please. I promise I can control it!"

I was completely pathetic, crying my eyes out while repeating 'help me' over and over again. Dad had tears in his eyes and I knew that this broke him as much as it broke mine, but at this time, all I could think about was getting my fingers on some kind of drugs.