I was disgusted and I was disappointed, but with myself. Matt had put his career in jeopardy for me. How could I let him do that? The band was so much more important than me.
I looked at him in bed. He was sleeping. I wanted to touch him but I couldn't. He'd be better off without me.
I layed in the bed trying not to cry. Crying because of the pain in my arm and crying because of Matt.
I got up quietly and grabbed my stuff, fumbling around in the dark.
His careeer needed to be first, he didn't need me fucking it up.
After I'd left the bedroom was when I started to cry, and once I'd started I didn't think I'd ever stop.
"Mom." I cried quietly when she answered. "Can you come get me?"
"Bella honey, what's wrong?"
"Just come."
"Okay."
I let myself out quietly and sat on the front step waiting. The sun was just starting to rise and it was beautiful, only it wasn't because my heart was breaking.
Finally mom arrived and I threw my stuff in the back of the car and got in.
"What is it Bella?"
I couldn't answer her because now we were away from there I could cry freely.
I cried all the way to Christophers house and I continued crying while my mother made up a bed for me.
"Bella what the fuck did he do?" Chris demanded.
"He did nothing." I sobbed. "It was me."
Mom and Chris looked at eachother.
"Maybe it's still the morphine."
"No mom, it's not." I wiped my face with my hand. "He's putting me before the band and I can't let him do that, I won't let him do that."
"He's capable of making his own decisions Izzy." Chris told me.
"You wouldn't understand." I cried.
"Here." Mom said, handing me two of my pain tablets.
I took them and she led me to my bed.
"Sleep, maybe things will look clearer when you wake up."
Thing's were already clear for me. I wasn't ever going to see Matt again. I loved him, more than anything and I wouldn't let him ruin his life over me.
I continued crying until I fell asleep.
I dreamt of Matt. I think I'd always dream of him.
He was my life and I didn't know how I was going to live without him.
But I was going to try.
