I layed in bed, curled on my side listening to Matt sleep. I couldn't sleep. I had so many emotions going on, I just couldn't sleep.
I had Nanna's funeral and I was devastated. Then I had Matt.
I rolled over gently and looked at him sleeping. He looked peaceful, happy, with his mouth slightly open.
Just looking at him made my stomach feel funny and I felt happy. But that made me feel guilty. My Nan had died, should I be feeling this way? So content, so happy.
I closed my eye's, attempting to sleep but I couldn't, so I got up instead.
I watched TV for awhile, well I didn't really watch it, I just stared at it.
"Izzy?"
I turned. Matt was standing in the doorway.
"Babe, what are you doing?" He asked.
"I can't sleep."
He walked over and turned the television off.
"Come on." He said, holding out his hand.
I took it and he lead me back into the bedroom.
I climbed in and Matt flicked off the light and got in, pulling me into his arms.
"What's wrong Izzy?" He asked softly.
"It's okay." I whispered.
"Tell me." He murmured, kissing my nose.
"I don't know, I feel happy."
He tightened his arms. "I'm glad. But baby, isn't that a good thing?"
Yes, oh god yes it was a good thing, a very good thing.
"But Nanna." I whispered.
He tightened his arms around me, pulling me closer.
"I don't think she'd mind that you were happy Bella."
I closed my eye's. Would she mind?
"What's making you happy?" Matt asked.
I smiled, touching his face. "You silly."
"Me?"
"Yes Matthew, you."
"Good." He murmured kissing me.
We layed there a little while in silence. I was thinking about Nanna when something suddenly occurred to me.
"Oh my god." I whispered.
"What?"
"The night of the birthday dinner." I felt tears well in my eyes. "Nanna said something to me."
"What did she say?" Matt asked quietly.
I couldn't believe I hadn't remembered until now, maybe because it was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard at the time.
"She said, 'I'd always hoped you and Matthew might have a thing.'"
He kissed my forehead. "Nan knew what was up."
"I guess she did."
"I'm pretty sure she knew I was crazy about you Bella, I think everyone but you knew."
Had I really been that blind?
"She'd be happy."
Matt groaned and kissed me.
"Yes Izzy, she would." He murmured. "And Izzy."
"Hmmm?" I asked touching his face.
"I'm happy."
I smiled, I was glad he was happy.
"I'm very fucking happy actually." He kissed me lightly. "Now go to sleep, you've got a big day tomorrow."
He was right, I did.
It was time to say goodbye to Nanna.
I closed my eye's and snuggled into Matt. Why had it taken me so long? Oh but now I was here, I wasn't going anywhere, ever.
