favorite crime [h.s]

forty

The feeling of falling is what makes my knees shaky.

You'd fall down the many meters of a high building, seeing the ground right in front of your eyes, getting closer by second. You'd be aware it's going to be over any moment, knowing it's the end.

Standing on the one meter wide board, a bar on either side keeps me safe. My knuckles have turned white from the force in which my fist is wrapped around the metal. My eyes are tightly shut, avoiding any risk of catching the height I'm standing in.

I should've known I can't overcome my fear that quickly.

My knees buckle under my weight but I keep a firm grip on the bar to hold myself up. I nearly can't breathe with the rock sitting heavily on my chest, my eyes stinging like I'm going to cry.

"Everything's alright, Ali." His calm voice reassures me, almost in a caring tone. "C'mon, take a deep breath, slow and calm." His hand touches mine, the warmth sending a wave of chills down my body.

I try to do as he says and inhale deep, keeping the oxygen in for a steady amount of time, before exhaling a shaky breath.

Although my brain tells me that it's okay, my body betrays me by reacting in all these different type of ways that tell me to be scared to death. I really want to go back down to the ground right now, but I know wouldn't be able to handle that amount of stress.

"Open your eyes for me," he murmurs, his hand still resting on top of mine. I shake my head. "Just look at me, only me. Nothing's gonna happen to you."

Slowly, my eyes open to allow the sun to blind me from the corner of my eyes. Harry is sitting on the edge of board, legs dangling in the air. The sight makes my stomach turn and I intentionally grip his hand tightly, clenching it in my hold.

"You're fine, see," he smiles lightly, briefly squeezing my hand in return.

I nod in response, absentmindedly still holding his hand even if not as tightly anymore. My feet are like frozen, not moving from their place to which Harry tugs me just a little bit closer to him.

He backs away from the edge and pulls me down to him, forcing me to crouch beside him. There's no way in hell I'm going to sit there like him.

"Harry," I warn, but he doesn't let go of my hand.

"Just sit with me, it's okay," he tries again.

I shake my head.

"Why are you so afraid?"

"Because I might fall," I murmur, looking down at my feet.

"Don't you trust yourself?"

What if it's true and I really don't trust myself not to jump off the framework. But I know I trust myself. It's more the feeling that comes along with it, looking down at the ground from the height I'm sitting with nothing holding me back.

"It's not that..."

Maybe I just have to trust Harry for not letting go of my hand.

I slowly sit down on the wooden board, clenching Harry's hand in mine while letting my feet dangle over the edge. My heartbeat quickens once again, the sound pounding in my ear as I shiver in angst.

"Wasn't that bad after all, huh?" He chuckles, unexpectedly tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I smile slightly, proud of myself for doing at least a little bit.

I scoot just a little bit forward, one hand still holding Harry's which he doesn't seem to mind. As soon as he realises what I'm doing, he stands up from his place and walks behind me. I panic a bit, but he never lets go of my hand in the process.