Unsuccessful

The Morning...

Tessa Point of View...

Next day, I woke up at the sound of my morning alarm. I don't even remember when I came in my room. The moment I get adjusted with my surroundings, memories from last night came flooding back..Me going out in the pool area to join Hardin, Me stripping down in front of Hardin and getting in to the pool with Hardin, Watching him swim like a butterfly, Him pulling me towards him, Me giving him permission to open my bra, Him kissing and playing with my breasts, We sharing our first kiss, We going to his bedroom, hand in hand, Him gently pushing me to his bed, Him kissing my body, Me giving him permission to strip me down naked, Me agreeing to Hardin for Oral Sex, We falling in peaceful slumber in eachothers warm embrace and Me hearing Hardin' screams and me hugging him and helping him to sleep again. I never remembered me coming to my bedroom. I suddenly feel a pair of strong arms holding me back and preventing me to wake up completely, I turn and see Hardin sleeping like a baby. He looks adorable. He has his mouth slightly open and he is snoring silently, I don't know what I feel but, I slowly scoot towards him and gives him a quite kiss on his parted lips.

I need to leave the bed, I am starving. It's a habit, every morning I wake up, I need to have something in my stomach otherwise I feel uncomfortable my entire day. I gently push back Hardin' arms and leaves my bedroom quitely. I enter the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth and perform my usual morning routine and then I make my way to Hardin' kitchen area. It's huge. It's beautiful. I always envisioned myself cooking dishes in such a kitchen.

I start cooking breakfast for me and Hardin. I decide upon Baked Eggs with Swiss chard and green olives for our breakfast, that's a recipe I learnt while I was in UCLA. Apart of law, I always had a keen interest in cooking. I start with the eggs and then I see a message on my phone. I quickly grab my phone and just the name on my screen floods me with guilt. It's Matthew. He sent me a text letting me know that it will take him 2 more days to come back to Washington and he wants to go for furniture shopping this weekend.

I feel guilty. I don't regret what happened between me and Hardin, but, I know what I did to Matthew was wrong. I am still in a relationship with Matthew and me allowing another man to see me naked and to kiss my body so intimately was wrong. But, that's what happens to me, everytime I am with Hardin. Everytime I am with Hardin, I flow like liquid, I do what he asks me to do, it's like he captivates me with his charm and those emrald eyes, those eyes can make me do anything.

After what happened last night excluding the part where we had oral sex, I don't know if today will be the correct timing to ask Hardin about us. What last night means to him. Does he now wants a relationship with me, if yes, then I will breakup with Matthew, I love him but at the same time, the attraction I feel towards Hardin it's inevitable. Do I love Hardin, answer is no, Can I imagine a future with him, answer is no, Do I see Hardin giving me everything I wish to have in a relationship, answer is no, as I said with Hardin, it's always a "No", but, with Matthew it's always a "Yes". Does last night counts me cheating on Matthew, as per my guidebook, yes, I cheated on Matthew last night and the worst part is, I let Hardin do everything to me last night, he didn't forced me, he asked me everytime my permission and I gave him my "Yes" every single time. So, yes I cheated. I cheated Matthew and even if things with Hardin doesn't works out, I need to come clean with Matthew, I need to be honest with him. I will tell him this weekend about everything that happened with Hardin. I will tell him the truth.

I don't even realize when Hardin walked in to kitchen, it's only when he holds me from behind and kisses my bare shoulders, I am brought back to the world of living. "Hey Beautiful". I can feel his morning breath on my neck. It's warm. It feels good. I turnaround and he kisses me on my lips. Our kiss turns in to a makeout session, and then the timer of microwave goes off and we have to break our makeout session. Hardin groans in my mouth and I gently push him away so that I can bring out the eggs.

I watch him taking seat on the kitchen counter and he has a smirk on his face. "I can get used to this". I almost drop the pan that I was holding. Is he serious. Does this mean he wants a relationship with me. Should I ask him? Without even realizing I blurt out the words. "Umm..do you really mean that". I am nervous. He brings his eyes back to mine from his phone screen, he looks confused. I clarify my question. "Do you really mean what you said about getting used to see me here everyday?." I know I am pathetic, but, I need to know if last night means anything to him. Suddenly I observe a change in his demeanor. He tenses, his smirk is no longer there on his face. He doesn't give me his response, he only shrugs and again gets busy with his phone. To say that it hurts, I will be lieing if I will say no, it doesn't. I don't push the topic any further, maybe he is still recovering from last night's events, the part where he saw a nightmare and started screaming in his dreams.

Breakfast gets ready and I serve it on plates for me and Hardin. "Do you want Coffee?". He again shrugs. His playful mood is gone. He is not even looking at me. I should really learn how to control my thoughts and my mouth, they don't coordinate well together. I decide to make coffee for both of us. We eat in silence, he doesn't speak and his silence is eating me up. What should I tell him, how can I break our silence. Should I talk about last night, it's clear he doesn't want to talk about us, so, whatever happened between us last night is thrown staright out of the window for discussion, should I ask him about his nightmare, will that be me overstepping my boundaries. Again, I speak before I can analyze my own thoughts.

"About last night". He doesn't let me complete my question. He looks at me, but, this time his eyes hits me different, he is looking at me in a hateful manner. "What about last night?". Should I ask him. Again, I do, I ask him. "About the nightmares". He drops his spoon and stands up from his seat, making his chair fall backwards in the process, he is fuming, he looks angry. He takes a step towards me. He keeps a respectful distance between us. He crosses his arms across his chest and then his words shatters my heart.

"Listen, Tessa. Just because last night we slept together or honestly whatever happened between us, it doesn't even count to sleeping together, I had much better nights with other women in my life, so, just because I let you touch me, hold me and the fact we slept together in the same bed, it doesn't give you a free pass to ask me about my past or about my nightmares." I want to cry, but, I cannot do that, not in front of Hardin. I don't want him to have the satisfaction that his words effects me in the worst way possible. I nod and shifts my focus on my plate, I don't even have the appetite to eat anymore.

I watch him leave the kitchen for his bedroom upstairs. I quickly finish my breakfast and with a broken heart, I pick Hardin' plate and throw away the remaining of his breakfast in the trashcan. I wash the plates in the dishwasher and clean the kitchen. I head to my bedroom. I want to cry, but, I cannot do that. I am responsible to whatever happened between us, I am responsible for believing that maybe something can happen between me and Hardin, he never promised me anything, he doesn't forced me last night to have oral sex with him, it was me, I am responsible for cheating on Matthew, I am responsible for shedding my morals for a man I barely knew. I quickly strip down and start my shower. I need to wash myself, I can still feel Hardin and his kisses on my skin, I feel dirty, I feel disgusted, I feel humiliated, again Hardin becomes successful in making me feel so many emotions all together, only difference is this time, I hate "Hardin Scott"and finally I broke down in tears.

----------Authors note-------------

Here is another update for my readers. Please let me know if you like this update and let me know your suggestions, what you expect next.

Thank you for your support and thank you for liking my story. Stay safe everyone, next update will come soon.