Unsuccessful

Texas..Part-2 : Getting over Awkawardness

Hardin'Point of View...

To say that our car ride to Airport was not awkward will be an understatement. After Tessa enetered my car, she looked at me and said.."Hello Hardin, it's good to see you again", I thought that she wants to have a conversation, man I was wrong. After her one line statement, she turned, took out her earphones and started listening to music. Not even once she looked at me. Well, I deserve that. I don't expect her to forget everything and again get back to normal. I was a dick to her and a lame ass apology will not get me her forgiveness. Man, why did I ruined what we were having, she kissed me and she allowed me to see her naked and to give her an amazing orgasm but leave it to me, the next morning I compared her to all the other sluts I have slept in the past, including my mother's amazing bestfriend.

I want to talk to her, I want her to see me as a different man, not the one who is a cassanova, not a man who disrespects women by sleeping with them, I want her to want me for me. God, I want to kiss her so bad. For Tessa this might be a business trip, but, for me these 5 days are an opportunity to apologise to her for my mistakes and to built a connection with her, which I really want.

Everytime I look at her, my mother's statement comes back to me. She wants me to have a future, a family of my own and she believes that Tessa is the girl who can give me the family at the back of my mind I always wanted. Do, I want to have a family of my own, a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife and two or maybe 4 kids playing around, do I want that??, I always ask myself that question and my answer is always a "No", yes, a "No". My life and the decisions I make are always dominant with this single word "No". "No" to commitments, "No" to relationships, "No" to love, always a "No" to everything. But, can Tessa turn my "No's" to "Yes", if you ask my mother, she will say Tessa is the one.

I did tried couple of times in our 30 minute ride to make a valuable conversation with her but every time I loose my courage, at this rate, I might shit my pants. I have never been this nervous to approach a girl, but, Tessa is an another story. In front of her this "I am Hardin Scott" attitude becomes nothing, she crumbles my confidence, my attitude, my personality in to nothing. After multiple failures to approach her, I decided to keep my hands to myself, I will have 6 days with her in Texas, I will approach her then. We reach airport and my driver helps both of us with our luggage. We check-in and onboard our flight.

We have business class tickets for us and it's a cabin with only the two of us. Maybe now I can talk to her. She was about to bring out her damn headphones again, but I beat her to it.

"Tess...Can we talk?", She looks at me like I have two Horns on my head. Why she thinks I would not want to talk to her, I have wanted that since the day I dropped her at her parent's house. She nods and continue to look at me.

God, this is nerve-racking. I am sweating like a pig even if we are sitting in a business class flight cabin. " About what happened in Seattle.." I start and she shakes her head. Great she is not interested to talk to me about Seattle. "Hardin, I already told you, it was a mistake, whatever happened between us in Seattle should have never happened. I am with Matthew, I love him and I plan to marry him someday, I already told you that it's all on me. I made a lot of bad judgements that night, you kissed me but I should have never kissed you back, you undressed me but I should have never allowed you to undress me, you kissed my body but I should have never allowed you to do that and we had oral sex but I should never allowed us to even reach to thar point. It was my mistake and again I am sorry. About what you said to me the next morning.." , she takes a long breath and I can see her getting emotional, she has unshed tears in her eyes, but she continues, "Well, I will be lieing to you if you I will tell you that it did not hurt, it did hurt but again it was my mistake. I overstepped boundaries on so many levels in Seattle, I overstepped them the night we had together and I overstepped boundaries the morning by asking you about your nightmares. Let's forget that Seattle even happened, ok. I don't want any Awkwardness between us. We will be in Seattle, together for 6 days, I want this trip to be successful." I nod and she continues to look at me until she again turns and starts listening to music. Damn, I have never hated any guy before in my life, the way I hate this Matthew person. I mean I do hate my father but I did not even heard Tessa' entire speech, my ears stopped listening after she declared her love for Matthew. I really want to meet and see this guy, I want to understand what this guy have over me. Well, clearly she made herself crystal clear, I cannot do anything atleast not now. I will have 6 days with her and I do everything in my power to get Tessa to want me again. The next 2 hours, I just slept, dreaming the beautiful memories of our night in Seattle.