Unsuccessful

Texas Part-6 : He is gone...

Tessa' Point of View..

Hardin' friend Anthony has taken him to meet some of his business clients and friends on the other side of the club and I am left alone to enjoy the party in which Hardin brought me, all by myself. I can sence his eyes on me the entire night, it was like his emrald eyes were boring in to my soul. But, I cannot keep repeating the same mistakes again and again. I love Matthew, I always have to remind myself the same fact again and again and everytime I am with or around Hardin. I don't know what we have, but, honestly I have done enough things with him even without an official relationship. In Seattle we had oral sex and we slept together and again in Texas we apparently almost had sex and slept together, naked. I still do not believe Hardin. As per him, we did not had sex and the fact that he doesn't knows that if he is correct then my virginity is still intact, but, if he is wrong, then I lost my virginity to my boss, a guy towards whom I only have a certain type of physical attraction but not love, yes, if Hardin is wrong then I lost my virginity to the guy I dont even love.

The mere thought of Matthew drives me off the cliff. I really want to believe Hardin. For once I wish he is correct. For once I wish his theory is correct. For once I wish I can just enter the rewind button and delete that first night in Texas from my life, from my past, but I cannot do that. It's the harsh reality, it's the land of living, where we as humans cannot erase our past and we have to just moveon to future, living with guilt of our past. For once I wish that the Science and Technology can device an easy method to know if I am still virgin or not.

I have been avoiding Hardin since our first night in Texas. He has been asking me out for breakfast and lunch and for dinners, but, everytime he approached, I respectfully declined his offer but today I was not able to do that. Today, when he asked me if I would like to come with him in this Club opening night, I just couldn't refuse or declined his offer. Our trip is almost done and I just don't want to end this trip on a bad note with Hardin. Business wise and work wise, this trip was successful but on a personal level I failed again on so many levels. I made the same mistakes, I did back in Seattle and I just don't know for how long I will be able to lie to Matthew. I am lieing to the only person I wish to have a future with and just this single thought makes me feel more guilty.

Me and Hardin decided to drink sensibily tonight. After what happened the first night of ours in Texas, let's just say we learnt our lesson in the hardest manner. Hardin has been gone more then one hour and I am starting to feel little uncomfortable with so many unknown faces surrounding me. I follow the same path, along which Anthony took Hardin. Hardin and Anthony both have tall stature and therefore they are easily recognisable. From a distance I can easily identify Hardin, dressed in all black. He do look handsome in black colour but sometimes I wish he should have some colours in his life. Although, black do suits his personality. I make my way towards them and then I hear my name been discussed between Anthony and Hardin. They are talking about me. I am not a type of person who evesdropp but since they were discussing me, I just ignored my morals for once. I quitely move towards them and turn my back, so, that neither Hardin or Anthony could see me.

"So, what you want from her. I mean I can see , you have not withdrawn your eyes from hers even for a second." Anthony asks Hardin. Hardin laughs over Anthony's question about me. "What I want from her is sex, I mean we did had a moment together and I have already seen her naked, now just I need to get my way in", I feel disgusted and anger towards Hardin and the way he thinks about me. All this time, a small part of me thought that he did like me or he may feel something for me, but, his arrogance or his ego or his ignorance is coming in between his acceptance, but, finally hearing Hardin' true intentions about me and about us, all I feel is hatred and anger towards him. Slowly, I feel the effects of the shots I have taken tonight. He didn't stopped, he continues. They continue to talk about other girls he has slept since the last time they met eachother. I cannot believe what I just heard from Hardin. Just the fact that all this time, he acted like he really liked me and the fact that I cheated on Matthew for him, let him see me naked, let him kiss me, let him pleasured me, was for nothing, the fact that all he wanted from me was sex, just disgusts me. I quickly turn and make my way out of the club in anger, I don't even realize that I pass Hardin and bumped his shoulders with mine.