MY FATE

Chapter 102- It's my Fault

"Life is too short. Don't live it with regret."

Tatsuya and Kirihitho smiled at the sentence.

Hiroki continued," Of course, it's more easy to say than do..........When you are on your death bed, you really don't want to regret the things you did or didn't do. I am telling this from personal experience."

Tatsuya laughed," You really are something, Hiroki." He sighed and said," You are right, though. I do regret not standing up to my parents."

Kirihitho said," But I don't understand why did Hikaru say that we didn't love him. We did. No.......we still do."

Hiroki sat back and asked," Do you? Whenever you look at him, do you ever feel that time is running slow? Or the moon is suddenly too big? Or everything around you becomes useless when he is there? Or, do you mute all sounds around you when he talks?"

Tatsuya scoffed," That happens only in movies."

Hiroki got up and said," Nope. It does happen in real life. That means you never really loved him. He was your perfect partner but there was no love."

Tatsuya said angrily," What? Perfect partner?"

Hiroki stretched," Yep. Perfect partner. He belongs to elite family, just like you. He is becoming a doctor which is really good for your family's image. He is loved by almost everyone. Your family also accepted him. What more can you ask from your partner, right?"

Kirihitho frowned," What the hell, Hiroki? You haven't seen our relationship, at all. You were not even present there for last two years when we were with him. How can you say that we don't love him?! Just because we don't feel the same things you felt when you were in a relationship?!"

Hiroki shrugged," I am not trying to offend you. I just said what I thought. I-"

Tatsuya dragged Kirihitho to get up and interrupted Hiroki," Enough! I thought this will be good to talk things out with you. But you are just trying to defend Hikaru here!"

Hiroki frowned" I am not trying to defend anyone."

Kirihitho shook his head," Yes you are. It's enough. I don't want to talk on this any further. Let's go."

Kirihitho and Tatsuya left Hiroki alone. He thought that he indeed crossed the line. He should not have said something so sensitive at such time. He sighed to himself and looked at the lake.
Mia approached him and said," Talk didn't go right."

Hiroki chuckled," Yep. It didn't. I said some things I should not have."

Mia looked at him and asked," You think that you are responsible for their break up, don't you?"

Hiroki gave her a blank look and didn't say anything.

She sighed," I guessed right."

Hiroki sighed in frustration," Yeah. I do blame myself for their break up. And I don't know why, okay? I feel like I got in the way of their relationship." He chuckled," I sometimes think so highly about myself, don't I? Why am I making everything about myself? I should be helping them out but........I am the one who is in mess! I should have been there for them but I f**ked it up! Badly!"

Mia patted his back lightly," When will you stop blaming yourself for everything?"

Hiroki wailed," Because I f**k everything up! I always do!"

He also had another habit when he was frustrated. He blamed himself for every single thing that went wrong in other's life around him, even if he was involved or not. He just took the blame instinctively. And it was all because of Mirai. Growing up, he was always criticized, blamed and shouted by Mirai for everything wrong. He grew up in such a toxic environment that he failed to recognise that he made toxicity a part of his life.

Depression, anxiety, split personality disorder.......he made all of this a part of his life unknowingly. He was so much into it that he failed to recognise how much he was hurting himself. And as the days passed by, it was getting more and more worse. On top of that, Kazuko suddenly showing up in his messed up life was cheery on top. It made Hiroki feel so much insecure about his f**ked life that he was trying to avoid Kazuko as much as possible.

All of this stress took toll on his body all the time. His health was worsening more and more than improving as days passed by. Noman thought it was due to his work load and asked Hiroki to leave it. Hiroki was completely against it but decided to take a small break. It was a really bad timing given the company's condition but he did not have any other option. He tried his best to stay calm, stable and everyone thought it was working but oh, boy were they wrong.

Hiroki was an amazing lier. He was able to fool everyone, showing that he was fine but deep inside.........his anxiety was increasing every passing second. He took the most impact of Hikaru's and Kirihitho & Tatsuya's break up. He blamed himself constantly for it even though it wasn't his fault, at all. But what could he do? He was groomed since his childhood that whenever something bad happened to anyone especially Hikaru, it was all his fault. No matter what, he had to........he needed to take the blame. Their break up put so much pressure on him that he started cutting himself again. His mother's voice was constantly shouting at him, screaming at him in his head that how bad he was, how he ruined everything wherever he went.....how he destroyed her precious son's relationship of two years within few months, how terrible person and brother he was. It f**ked Hiroki up, really badly.