MY FATE

Chapter 103- I ruin Everything

It f**ked Hiroki up, really badly.

He sat infront of his psychiatrist who was looking at him, demanding explanation. How the hell did his condition worsen within four days? What happened? How did it happen?

She asked him calmly," Hiroki, what happened?"

Hiroki looked at the floor blankly and didn't give a response to her.

She sighed," If you don't tell me then I can't help you."

He whispered," You can't help me anyways. Noone can."

She noted something down and asked," Why would you say that?"

Hiroki looked at her with his void eyes and said," Have you........have ever felt so useless in your life that you wanted to end everything? Or have you ever felt like a monster who destroys everyone's happiness?"

"Hiroki, are you saying you feel useless or a monster?"

"Yes! Yes, I do! I ruin everything good! Everything is my fault."

"Why do you think everything is your fault? Did anyone say something to you?"

"Noone needs to say something to me to understand. Their eyes speak more that their mouth."

Psychiatrist frowned," Hiroki, you can't go on assuming things on your own. No one says that you ruin-"

"They do."

"Hm?"

"They say it or rather said it a lot of times."

"Who?"

"..."

"Anyone close to you? Your parents? Your siblings?"

"..."

She sighed," Hiroki, this can't go on. You need to communicate with me. What is going on with you? You need to say it it loud. I can't read your mind."

Hiroki teared up and whispered," I am sorry. I-I don't know what is wrong with me. I-I........try so hard to be happy and not think about past constantly but it's suffocating to pretend all the time."

"First of all, you don't need to try hard to be happy. Happiness does not work like that. Second of all, past? What past are you talking about? Exactly which part of your past?"

"Every part."

Itonome, Kai and Itsuki were waiting outside of clinic while Hiroki was going through therapy. They all were equally shocked as psychiatrist as to what went down so suddenly. Hiroki was in the worst mental health condition since he came back to Kamazura Mansion and it was getting more and more worse. They didn't know what to do or how to help him as he would not talk about his mental health at all. As soon as the topic was brought up, he shut down or changed the topic immediately.
Itsuki tried his best to help Hiroki but to no avail. It seemed like he didn't want to get help at all. He just wanted to be in his depressing ball. And honestly, it was starting to get irritating to entire family. Something was constantly going down or wrong with him, like all the time. They tried their best to help him but if Hiroki didn't want to help himself then what could they do? It was getting frustrating for everyone.

Itsuki suggested," Maybe we should go on a small trip. The change of environment can help."

Kai sighed in frustration," Last time when we took him, he came back because he got sick. What if he gets sick again?"

"We should at least try."

Itonome said angrily," We are trying though. We do everything that's possible. We visit with him with all of his appointment, we try our best not to leave him alone, we try to make him feel comfortable as much as possible........yes, we have our flaws but we are trying. But*sigh* nothing works. I am so tired of this. I know I shouldn't say such thing but I am tired of Hiroki's behaviour. No...........I am tired of him."