What You Fail To See ⨀ *

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Author: https://thefanficmonster.tumblr.com/

Corpse Husband x Reader with Hypothyroidism (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Insecurity, Self-body-shaming, Eating Disorder (mentioned)

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Y/N is struggling with her self-image more than usual while she's getting ready to attend a family get-together. Luckily, she has the best support she could ask for - her boyfriend Corpse who's prepared to do anything to lift her spirits and show her what she fails to see in herself.

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I want to vanish. If closing my eyes then opening them to reveal a different body, I'd rather not open them at all. Why today? Why today of all days? Why can't I pull myself together for one day? Just today. Right when I need to face some of the most detail brutally honest and critically-focused people I look my absolute worst. My hair, apart from just being itself, is also a mess worse than a bird's nest. My skin is dry and I have dark shadows around my eyes that could be due to the less-than-ideal number of hours of sleep I've been getting. My face looks bloated and so does my neck.

And that's just all the problems I have from the chest up. Don't even get me started on the sight below that line.

In a blunt and short manner - I hate my body. I hate how it looks. I hate how no clothes look good on it and it can barely fit in them. I hate how it's not symmetrical in certain areas. I hate all the imperfections that almost everyone doesn't see. Or they just pretend they don't see them while silently judging them. My family doesn't belong to that group of people, that's for sure.
They are honest to a brutal and downright inhumane extent. They never hesitate to point out my every flaw, often times turning it into satire for everyone at the dinner table to laugh at. Everyone but me. I'm sure they don't understand how hurtful they're being by hiding behind the fact that they're 'joking' or 'giving me advice for my own good'.

I owe my self-hate to the illness I've struggling with since I was in my early teenage years - hypothyroidism. This is a chronic disease that has a huge impact on every part of one's body. The majority of its effects are visible in one's weight - rapidly gaining or rapidly losing yet still looking chubby; hair thinning etc.

It wasn't until I entered my mid-teenage years that I really started being bothered by how I look. I finally decided to be the one in control of my appearance and not my illness. I started cutting certain foods out of my diet and exercised at least four times a week. When I saw no results I went even more extreme: I counted calories obsessively, I weighed and measured myself every day; I started exercising daily, no matter how horrible it made me feel.

Still no results.

That's when I took it too extreme and started avoiding meals. Avoiding people because I was insecure and avoiding leaving my home altogether. I let so many amazing opportunities pass me by because I was too afraid and insecure of being judged the second I left my apartment. I lost touch with friends and family and even reality at one point. I was lost and incapable of helping myself cause I saw what I was doing as right. I thought it would help me.

It did show results on the scale but not on the outside. My appearance remained the same - that chubby girl in the family/friend group/class/work place.

And then a helping hand reached out to me, as if my lucky star itself had sent him. I met my boyfriend. My wonderful boyfriend Corpse who I've been with for over seven months now. I have never had someone so special, near and dear to my heart. Not even my own family. No one has ever loved me so limitlessly and openly, not afraid to show exactly how he feels about me, no hesitation or pondering about it. He has never seen a single flaw of mine as that - a flaw. He's the only person I can trust is being honest with me at all times.

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