Corpse Husband One-shots

Don't Stand A Chance *

Author: https://thefanficmonster.tumblr.com/

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, Humor

Summary: Leave it to Rae and Poki to squeeze info out of Y/N. And leave it to Corpse to be taking notes all the while. Too bad his notes get a little misleading at times.

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I, Corpse Husband, am many things: a horror story narrator, a faceless streamer, a professional, licensed impostor - the list goes on. Sadly, among those many titles is the one I'm least proud of: DUMBASS - yes, in all caps. It's rare that I prove to have this title but I re-earn it every time I pull some dumb shit. For example, the most recent DUMBASS move I made was accidentally revealing my crush on one of my friends Y/N while playing Among Us with the usual gang. Now, keep in mind that Y/N is in this gang, she was just absent for the day and my smooth brain took the opportunity to pull a stunt like that. Imagine my secret was a sheep and all the people in that Discord call were wolves - I fed them a sheep I was supposed to protect so nonchalantly and I'm not at all proud of it. In fact, I didn't realize what I had said until I heard the reactions of the wolves- I mean my friends. The most malicious of the pack were Rae and Poki who, much to my dismay, are best friends with Y/N. And we all know best friend rules - sharing and telling each other EVERYTHING. Even inappropriate stuff like this! Don't get me wrong, Rae and Poki are my friends too, but unfortunately, I'm not a girl, and Rae, Poki and Y/N most definitely have some sort of GIRL CODE or whatever that makes it illegal for them to keep stuff from each other. That doesn't bode well for anyone, and especially not for me right now.

Today is the day of reckoning. It's been a total of twenty five hours since I spilt the secret out in the open and now I'm minutes away from the moment of truth. I keep telling myself to look at the silver lining that we weren't streaming yesterday when I said that, nor will we be streaming today when the council of the three girls will decide my fate. Whatever will be said, will be said off-camera and it will remain among us. Funnily enough - we'll actually be playing Among Us, just to add insult to injury.

The majority of the group has already gathered in the call when I hop in and greet them. Luckily for me, Y/N isn't here yet so I can at least scold the tattletales for what they've done to me.

"Hello." I greet my friends who are already engrossed in a conversation about something I don't manage to catch cause they stop right as I enter the call.

"Heyyyy Corpsee." Poki and Rae greet me back in unison, both using this annoyingly teasing voice that sends chills of frustration down the back of my neck.

I've honestly had it with being their target, "Ok you dare ruin my life and still make fun of me afterwards? You guys are so rude and mean." I say that in a half-serious tone just so they catch the hint that I am indeed salty but not pissed, you know. Maybe they will rethink their actions and realized that what they did was wrong. Who am I kidding, of course they won't.

They have the audacity to start laughing their asses off, causing me to roll my eyes. "What?" Poki finally manages to say through fits of laughter, "How did we ruin your life? You told us! We didn't probe your brain!"

"Yeah!" Rae is quick to agree with her, "It's not like we told anyone."

Wait..

"Wait, you didn't tell Y/N?" I'm honestly baffled and more than a little embarrassed and ashamed for thinking so little of my friends. I mean, they didn't give me much room to expect the best given that their reactions were so bombastic and enthusiastic. It seemed like they couldn't wait to hop in their groupchat and spill the tea while it was still hot. But then again, I might be making a quick call right now as well - they could still be lying to save their asses from my saltiness.