Word Count: 2891
Warnings: NSFW
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Fyodor swallowed thickly, hands trembling. "Shibu.. Shibusawa... Tatsuhiko.." He sees nothing, and he gains no response from his lover. Only fuzzy nothingness covers his vision. It's not as though he's staring into blackness. It's just.. nothingness. It's what he imagines the void is like, for the souls who believe in such a thing. When people sometimes end up thinking about what they see after they die, is this what it is? Nothing? 'Nothing' is much more terrifying than all the lights being turned off. At least it's just blackness then. But now it's- it's nothing. His hands, panicky, pat around the bed.
"Shibu? Shibu? S-Shibusawa-? Shibusawa, please—" Fyodor feels wetness infect his eyes. Oh, not these pathetic tears again. He scoffed quietly to himself, and soon his hands feel tingly. He continued to slap the bed all over, searching for his lover. And then the tingling in his hands reaches up his shoulders. He lost feeling in his arms and hands. Panicking, his breathing spreads up. No, no no no.. Fyodor slaps his hands against the bed continuously. He's panicking scooting around the bed, and eventually loses feeling in his legs, too. He cries louder. "Shibsuawa? Shibusawa, please.. please.." Fyodor choked on his tears as he lost all feeling in his entire body. Now he couldn't see, and now he couldn't feel his own body. He spoke.. he knows he's speaking, and yet he can't hear himself. Fyodor's still desperate to try and find Shibusawa. However, losing his sense of self and direction, his hand pats beyond the bed, and throws Fyodor off balance. He falls off the bed and lands on his back. He doesn't cry out in pain. Actually, he doesn't know if he does. He can't hear.
Fyodor lays on the floor, totally still. He can't feel anything. Am I dead? I don't understand. I went to sleep, delighted last night. I was gifted with hours of love making from my beloved Shibusawa. I know I've been slack on my iron supplements.. but those were just to help me not pass out. This is completely different. Fyodor sniffles. He thinks, at least. I.. I don't understand what's going on. Why is this happening to me? Has my body just given up on me? I know I'm a hopeless demon, but for my own body to give up on me.. Fyodor bit his lip. He feels something enter his mouth because of it, but can't taste. He assumed it was blood from him biting his lip, if he even did bite his lip.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky lay on the bedroom floor, twitching and silently crying. Fyodor was very sure he was dead; After an hour, he was still in this state. This is it. This is the punishment for my crimes. Im cursed to live in a body that'll be torn apart so others can use my organs. I'll be considered brain dead, and my organs and limbs will be removed for other's needs until I finally rot and die. And I'll be conscious. They don't even know I'm conscious. I'm not dead. Can anybody hear me? Can anybody hear that I'm not dead?
Fyodor's heart attempts to leave his chest as he felt two arms slide beneath him. He can't panic, he can't frantically kick or cry out or anything. He can't sense a goddamn thing. He feels a strange sensation down his throat. He's not sure what it is, given he can't taste or feel. But a moment after that, he starts to feel tingly rather than nothing. His vision starts to return, as does his other senses. He's breathing so heavily, he might throw up. He's been sobbing for the entire hour this occurred. Once his vision fully cleared, he grasps the situation.
Fyodor's on the bed now, and Shibusawa's kneeling in front of him. "There, there.. it's okay. It's okay." Shibusawa murmured softly, cupping Fyodor's cheek to kiss his forehead. He's holding soup. Ah.. He could taste soup in his throat. He must've fed me it. "My darling Fedya.. did you skip any meals yesterday? You know what the doctor said.. you've been neglecting yourself too regularly... you have to eat three meals a day, and drink three cups of water a day as well. You can't skip any of that.. or else you lose all of your senses again. My beloved Dostoyevsky.. I know you hate it.. but I'm sure you hate these episodes more." He murmured.
