lokote: your a mom first you dont need to be doing street shit no more
eliana: yea I am a mother always will be one first but i make my money and do my shit dont start arguing with me because i always win you know that
lokote: not with me you wont i aint them haha put yourself first this time take care of yourself
eliana: i know stupid
she said as he hugged her .. they left .. sam walked back in
sam: i had to help her downstairs but i wanted to come talk to you about something
eliana: babe?
vago: i gotta take a call anyways you hungry?
eliana: yea can you order me something good?
vago: ofcourse
he walked out as sam sat down
eliana: i know its hurting you you ok?
sam: no.. she was sober eliana she was getting the help she needed
eliana: oo so it was prison time she needed to sober up then?
sam: you dont understand
eliana: no i do understand being behind walls with no available fucking drugs she got sober and started kissing your ass again? that it? but she lied like always and this time it finally killed her ..
sam: she wasn't kissing ass he was trying to fix herself she was even going to church she asked for all of you even the ones that got adopted out
eliana shook her head
eliana: i wouldn't have believed shit
sam: i know and im sorry .. but look i wanna talk you know funeral things what do you think we're the oldests?
she shook her head
eliana: confirm her death make sure shes really dead then ill believe you i dont know if its a stunt of hers to make us feel bad or something please? we can talk more once im home but im sorry i love you i care for you and i know this hits you different but you heard scott and lisa? come on sam?
he nodded
sam: we'll talk then .. i love you too i wish i could've done more to save her i guess change her i dont know
she hugged him tight
eliana: you cant help someone that doesn't wanna be helped she did this to herself we have each other and thats all that matters
he nodded and hugged her tight again .. he walked out
vago: we good? you good man?
sam: i dont know something doesn't feel right i need a minute i guess ill see you at you r place tomorrow?
vago: yea we'll be home by 10 call me if anything i got you ok?
he nodded and left ..
hector: sam what do you want me to do?
sam: it all doesn't sound right to me you can read all her letters you can see shes sober? why randomly a pill and shes dead?
hector: this lady put you up for adoption you saw your sister how many fucking times cry because of her begging to be loved she was a monster also addicts know how to fucking lie who knows she might've lied she was ever sober?
sam: i was trying to fixit for eli she wanted a relationship with me but i told her i didnt want anything if eli couldnt have a mom too
hector: fucking sam man
sam: i know i look stupid trying to defend an addict but fuck it hurts i got her last letter yesterday too but shes gone gone shes dead the prison called me and im setting up something i dont what yet but yea
hector nodded
hector: head up thats all you can do and be there for the kids they need a parent
sam: i know
the night went by .. eliana was able to leave the next day
eliana:how did she do? why does my baby look hungover the fuck?
joker: haha ask favorite uncle over here
lokote: she got sugar drunk wouldn't sleep so we stayed up watching all the movies that exist im so tired holy shit haha
alexia: haha shit
lokote: tell mama your other words babygirl?
aliexia: fuck!
joker: yell at him she was ready for bed he kidnapped her and they set up in the living room haha
eliana picked her up and hugged her
eliana: i missed you my lil crazy
alexia giggled and hugged her back
joker: you feeling better?
eliana: yea being home feels ten times better not having a giant baby in my belly hes knocked out too hes way calmer she wanted to be in my arms all the time
vago walked in with mail
vago: hey babe
eliana: mm
she said putting alexia down she took a letter from him
vago: that got here yesterday .. its um from
eliana looked at the letter and froze
eliana: who gave her the address?
joker: is that from your mom?
eliana: yea huh fuck wheres sam i thought he'd be here?
lokote: want me to call him?
eliana: yea check on the kids and canela he wasn't ok last night
he nodded as she sat down at the table and opened it ..
mi eliana ..
i know you wont probably even finish reading this and thats ok i get it i deserve all the anger im the one that caused all of this to myself i know im a bad person and ive harmed you so much when all you wanted was a mother to love you and care for you .. i know you've asked me what have you done what did you do wrong .. but here's the thing eli you did nothing but exist i saw myself in you i saw my lil twin and i dont know what it was but it angered me because i was never loved or cared for my mother never did a thing for me and seeing you i guess angered me i tried to love you i tried my best for you but i couldnt thats why i gave you up thats why i hurt you .. but im working on myself now im talking to a therapist im going to church and
she put the letter down ..
vago: eli? babe?
eliana: ill be in the nursery .. when sam gets here give him this tell him is this what he wanted me to get a fucking explanation on why i couldnt be loved but yet she loved him .. im glad the bitch is dead fuck her
YOU ARE READING
Wanting to belong..
RandomGrowing up I always wondered what it felt like to be held, hugged, loved, and cared for what it felt like to have a real home with a mom and dad .. I always wondered ... why me? why couldn't I go home to a real family? .. all I've ever wanted was to...
