alexandra: how did you do it?
eliana: what are you talking about?
alexandra: did one of your homegirls have a baby? or
eliana: oo you mean how did i learn?
alexandra: yea? because i have you i have canela you guys have taught me alot i just feel really worthless because eli falls asleep and calms down in her arms and sams with me she just looks at me and then crys its like im ugly?
eliana: ok your not ugly shes just admiring you alexia did that for a while to she freaked me out i swear but i would talk to her read her books tell her storys about her dad and stuff
alexandra: how did you do it?
eliana sighed and looked at the pictures of her and vago and alexia when she was a newborn
eliana: i promised myself the day i walked out of the prison visit with joker after i told him i was pregnant and he questioned me we're over that now its ok that i would be the mother i never had that my lil girl would never have to question her mothers love i was alone mentally for the most part i just fought what i had really but your not alone and im not going to lie its hard for me right now it is but we got eachother and you can talk to a doctor thats ok to?
alexandra looked at her
alexandra: all they did was give me pills and it annoys me
eliana: what does?
alexandra: what the pills do to me so i stopped
she pulled them out of her pocket
eliana: how where you feeling?
alexandra: i was feeling numb just sitting there blankly i never smoked weed before i drank but i rather try weed maybe thatll help me?
eliana: you can try it ill help you out so you can relax becuase being in a mental fog is horrible
she nodded as eliana stood up
eliana: when the pills where hitting did you like the feeling even if you didnt like what it was doing to you?
alexandra: no i didnt i felt sick like i was just there i couldnt function right
eliana took the pills from her and set them on her dresser
eliana: just tell the doctor you dont want a refill its ok ill share my brownies with you
she side smiled and nodded as she got up and hugged eliana
alexandra: im here with you threw all of this ok? we got eachother now
eliana nodded and hugged her tight
eliana: go to isaiah and tell him to get you a brownie itll be ok
she nodded and went eliana packed up vagos clothes in adufflebag he grabbed his favorite chains and a picture of them and put it in the bag she looked at the bottle of pills she sighed
eliana: why does it have to be like this.. why
she zipped up the bag she grabbed the bottle of pills and went intot he closest she opened the safeshe stared at them for a second ..
eliana: only one only one so the will stop
she opened it and took one she grabbed one of vagos sweaters and threw it on and turned off all the lights and went down stairs
joker: everything good?
eliana: yea she needed someone to talk to
joker: whats in the bag?
eliana: its for hector where is he?
joker: in the garage taking a call
she nodded and went to the garage
hector- im done arguing with you you need to be in rehab so you can walk right itll be ok we'll facetime
lokote- naw fuck you he was my homie he saved me ok? i need to be there dont make me do this on my own hector
hector turned as eliana walked into the garage and sighed
hector- ill have it set up just start doing better in therapy that way you can come home your needed
lokote- i will dont trip thanks hector
hector- de nada
he ended the call as eliana gave him the bag
hector: whats this?
eliana: this is what he should be buried in from his shoes to shirts his cologne his chains and a family picture ok?
hector nodded and took the bag
hector: it couldve waited?
eliana: no i had his clothes out already set i didnt wanna see them there anymore just there you get me?
hector: yea i get you .. um you ok?
she took a deep breath
eliana: i took one of alexandras pills that um her doctor gave her
hector: eliana
eliana: not a pain killer a anti depressant my minds clearing i might go see someone because this shit hit quick but i did eat like 6 bud brownies
hector: the fuck? how you still moving?
eliana: downers keep me going once i smoked angel dust now that shit knocked me out
hector: really?
eliana: yea i blame it on my mom using while i was born we're all baby addicts
he tried not to laugh
hector: look do what you have to to be yourself or atleast try to be yourself ya know function for the kids i klnow itll never be normal again but they need a mother and i still need you ya know?
eliana: ay with everything i dont really have to work now? he left me a pension haha
hector: he did but you taught me alot and i cant loose those smarts i aint going nowhere either so shit continues sadly as much as i wanna retire and close it all off and disappear into a abiss but i cant leave jr and alexia nothing
eliana: it has to go on
hector: it does its what he wouldve wanted
eliana: so friday?
hector: hhm friday at noon cuz you know he hated waking up early
eliana: thats true are you leaving?
hector: yea i have to take this to the funeral home have it set up and i have a meeting i got shitt o move out and have ready so i can have some free time ill be back in the morning
eliana: i dont want you out there alone come back here the guest room is set up?
hector: and joker?
eliana: hes in the nursery with alexia?
hector: you cant do that to him ill be back by 8am breakfast on me ill tkae the kids out to shop and we can buy some stuff to if you wanna have a cook out after
eliana: i wanna black out so a baby sitter?
hector: that to shit haha
YOU ARE READING
Wanting to belong..
SonstigesGrowing up I always wondered what it felt like to be held, hugged, loved, and cared for what it felt like to have a real home with a mom and dad .. I always wondered ... why me? why couldn't I go home to a real family? .. all I've ever wanted was to...
