Together Forever-RAYA❤

40. Retrospection

Ram laid down on the bed, then turned to the other side and sighed thinking about Priya.
"Ram tu soch kya raha tha uss din! Priya bimaar thi woh cake khake, hath pe chot lagi thi unn kidnappers ki wajah se aur tune usse jaake taunts pe taunts mara. Ha galat tha, usse chipana nahi chahiye tha par chipaya usne toh tere liye hi tha! Tera closer usse uski life se zyada important lagti hai aur tune jealous hoke usse kaha ke tu Vedika, apne ex-lover se milke aaya hai? Chee! Ek baar pooncha tak nahi ke woh kaisi hai, usne medicines liye hai ya nahi, bass accuse karne lag gaya tu. Priya ne teri jaan bachane ke liye apni jaan khatre mein daaldi! Tujhe pata hai teri Priya kaisi hai, tujhe pata hai woh tujhe kabhi jaan bujhke dard nahi degi phir kyun aisa hua? Priya sahi thi, teri insecurities itni hai ki tere care ko bhi repress kar de. Ram woh Vedika thi, usse koi matlab nahi tha tere feelings se, she only wanted money, a luxurious lifestyle. Aur yeh Priya hai, usse kuch nahi chahiye sivay tere. Tu usse dard de raha hai? Woh kuch nahi kehti, tu jo bhi karta hai, kehta hai sab seh leti hai. Yeh baat huye kitne mahine ho gaye, uss ne kuch nahi kaha. You made her feel like she's not cared about.", Ram thought.

He took his phone in his hand and saw it was almost 12:30am.
Ram: So gayi hogi Priya. Ya nahi soyi hogi iss baat ko sochte huye. Kya karun call karun? No Priya needs rest. Exam duties are exhausting.
He rolled on the bed, annoyed of his situation.
Ram(starting to talk to himself): Achha uss time hua kya kya tha?
We were in Alibaug. We were planning how to talk to the manager and all. Then Shivi made the fishcake. Priya ne woh khaya and she fell very very sick. Sandy ne kaha aur maine socha ki Priya pregnant hai woh bhi gadhe ki tarah, kuch toh hua hi nahi tha. Phir pata chala woh pregnant nahi hai. Phir woh manager wala fiasco, I left without telling anyone, then Priya found me and kidnapping ki baat batate batate she fainted. (Sighing loudly) Phir hum KM gaye, phir office mein Priya aayi aur maine uspe chillaya.
Ek second! When I thought Priya was pregnant I was so happy, I cared for her, I was giving her assurance but jab mujhe kidnapping ki baat pata chali mera dimaag satak gaya! Priya ko kaisa laga hoga? Ke jab woh pregnant thi maine care ki uski par jab nahi thi tab bhi toh sick thi but I didn't care about her health. Shit! I fucked up! Priya ne kuch bola nahi par shayad usse yeh laga hoga ke main uski care nahi karta bass baby ke liye.....
He sat up and grabbed his medicine box from the side table and took his anxiety pill. He started pressing his forehead feeling really uncomfortable.

Tears started flowing down his eyes. He reached for the phone and made a call to Priya. Priya picked up after some seconds.
Priya(in a sleepy voice): Ram? Are you okay? Tabiyat thik hai na aapki?
Ram(in a nosy voice): Hmm.
Priya sat up quickly listening to him.
Priya(anxiously): Ram kya hua hai? Please bataiye. Main Tarun ko call karti hoon. You are not sounding okay to me.
Ram: I'm sorry....Priya. I'm....really.... really sorry.
Priya couldn't understand why he was saying sorry.
Priya: What? Why? Why are you saying sorry?
Ram: I'm sorry for how I behaved that time.
Then Priya realized that it was because she was upset with him a few hours before.
Priya: Ram? Please don't cry. Please. Listen to me. Take a deep breath!
Ram took a deep breath.
Priya: Please don't cry. I hate it when you cry like this. Did you take a deep breath?
Ram: Hmm.
Priya: Now pull out a tissue from your pocket and wipe your tears. Please.
Ram did what Priya told him to do.
Priya: Aansu ponche?
Ram: Hmm.
Priya: Okay. Ram I'm sorry I shouldn't have said all those things to you.
Ram: Priya I'm sorry. I made you upset. I need to say somethings to you. Tum baat sunogi meri?
Priya closed her eyes, controlling her tears.
Priya(softly): Yes of course.
Ram: Priya you are everything to me. I know that my actions a lot of times are questionable and they do not match to what I really feel. But ummm...I just want to tell you that I'm trying to fight with my insecurities and my past behaviors. I think a lot of things changed after you know...ummm...when MS and Varun and Shashi were arrested. Then we got to know about Mom and Shubham. Priya I know that I used to see things differently before but I'm trying to change that because of course it's needed. How I used to feel with people, how I used to feel okay with them manipulating me, verbally abuse me. A lot of things went wrong after we got married.
I didn't want to hurt you. But I acted impulsively and that hurt you. And I'm sorry for that. I really really care about you. You may have felt that when I thought you were pregnant I was so caring but when I got to know that you weren't, I behaved so badly with you. Priya I don't know why I behaved with you like that but I want you to know that it's not that. I love you and I care about you.
Ram sighed deeply, completing what he wanted to tell her.
Priya was in tears after hearing how he felt. He could hear her sniffle on the phone.
Ram: Please don't give up on me.
Priya: Ram what are you saying? Why would I give up on you? I know you care about me. I shouldn't have told you all those things. I'm sorry.
Ram: No you did the right thing. Agar mujhe tum na batati toh shayad mujhe lagta bhi nahi ke jo maine kiya woh galat tha.
Priya: Please don't cry.
Ram: I'm sorry.
Priya: It's okay. Main gussa nahi hoon.
Maine bhi toh bohot galtiyan ki hai. Aapke saath bohot rudely behave kiya hai.
Ram: Woh sab toh pehle ki baat hai Priya. Yeh toh tab hua na jab hume yeh pata tha ke hum ek dusre se pyaar karte hain. Tum apni baat leke mat aao yahan! Meri galti thi!
Priya: Apni health ka toh kuch khayal hai nahi. Mujhe daante hai ke main khudka khayal nahi rakhti. Aapko wahan sona chahiye aur woh na karke you are thinking about what I said.
Ram: Yes because I should give it a thought when you are telling me a problem. Aise jaane de deke aaj yeh haalat hai. Sab kuch nahi kuch nahi hua bolke tal dete hain hum. Hum ne jo jo kiya hai hume sochna chahiye na uske baare mein?
Priya couldn't disagree with him.
Priya: Hmm.
Ram: I'm sorry. I made you upset again.
Priya(with a small smile): Yes I'm upset. Very upset actually. Because I want you to be happy and healthy. But aapne phir se khudka khayal nahi rakkha. Ram aap poora din meetings, projects ke baad projects sambhalna yeh sab karte rehte hai! Rest bhi nahi lete properly!
Ram: No I sleep for 5-6 hours now!
Priya: Ha bohot meherbani kar di.
Ram: I miss you Priya. After our video call ended that conversation we had kept repeating in mind. Then I started thinking about it and felt that I wronged you. I was really upset with myself and I wanted to apologize to you.
Priya looked at him sadly.
Priya: Ram I'm also sorry for being too rude, problematic, insensitive towards you a lot of times. I'm also trying to change those bad things about me. I hid really important things from you which created problems between us and it's totally my fault on that. I think about telling you all that but I always get late, making up my mind, thinking about thousand assumption of your reaction and how that would change our relationship.
I know that you're going through a tough time because of what happened. But I'm sure about one thing that you're going to get through this. And I'm here with you always. Main kahin nahi jaa rahi. Give up karne ki baat hi nahi hai. Why do you even think like that! Main aur mere taane hamesha aapke saath hain. Okay?
Ram: Hmmm.
Priya: Are you feeling okay now?
Ram: Yeah.
Priya: Okay. Now sleep for sometime. You look exhausted.
Ram(sadly): Okay. (Suddenly excited) Priya main Mumbai chala jata hoon. Kal phir se aa jayunga.
Priya: Dawaiyon se aapke dimaag pe bura asar pad raha hai. Aate kaise hain hain aise ideas aapko?
Ram: No no I'm serious. I can book a chopper now. In 3 hours I'll be there. Phir kal subah wapas aa jayunga.
Priya: Haan bohot achha plan hai.
Ram: Hai na?
Priya: Shut up Ram!
Ram: Daant kyun rahi ho. Itna achha plan hai.
Priya: Haan hero banne ka shwkh thoda zyada chad gaya hai.
Ram pouted.
Priya: Ek kaam kar sakte hain.
Ram: Kya?
Priya: Laptop kahan hai aapka? Lekar aayiye.
Ram: Ha yeh hi paas mein hai.
Priya: Turn it on.
Ram: Hmm.
Ram saw a Skype call request from Priya. He smiled widely and accepted the call.
Priya was lying down on her pillow facing him. She waved at him.
Priya: We can sleep like this.
Ram: Wow! Yeh idea mujhe kyun nahi aaya!
Priya: Kyunki main aapse zyada smart hoon.
Ram: Huh!
Priya: Close your eyes.
Ram pouted.
Priya(glaring): Ram!
Ram: Ugh! Fine.
He closed his eyes.
Priya: Now tell me what do you see?
Ram: Oh achha waise! Hmm...you and I sitting on our terrace, looking at the sky full of stars, the moon is glowing. The sweet smell of roses soothing our senses. Mild wind is blowing. Your soft hair is touching my face. You turned towards me smiling and then kissed my cheek. Mmmm...
Priya was smiling throughout seeing Ram's happy face.
Priya: Save that picture in your mind. That's not your imagination Ram, that's our reality, that we've built, together. The discussion we had was about one of the mistakes that had happened and the mistakes we would make in the future. We just have to remember that picture of us. That's the real us! We would fight, we would make mistakes but at the end of the day we should remember what we are, how we reached to that picture, it would help us stick together, forever.
Priya stopped talking and heard Ram's soft snores and chuckled a little.
Priya: Whom was I talking to? Yeh toh kab ka so gaye.
Priya adored the sleeping form of her husband for some time before drifting into deep slumber.