Fatal Accident (C.L. & C.S.)

4. With tonight? Five

"Can't sleep?" - Charles said as their attention was brought to me. I shook my head walking towards them. "I overheard you in car. About wanting to know more about me. And you saved me, which you shouldn't, you invited me to your house and I figured that's the least I can do for you." - Whole time I was speaking I didn't raise my head.

I don't know why but I felt nervous. Maybe because I really don't know who they are. Maybe that's good. "If you are comfortable with it." - The one with darker hair spoke and I rose up my head. I shrugged my shoulders.

Charles patted spot beside him for me to sit but as he was seated on one side of the couch I sat on the other side. Charles was to my left and darker haired on my left but on completely different couch. He was closer to me.

"I am Carlos by the way, I never got to introduce myself, I figured." - He broke the silence and I nodded. "Jenna." - I responded quietly and there goes the silence again.

"That was not the first time I have tried to..." - I broke the silence but I stopped again taking deep breath. Am I about to reveal my life to some men I don't even know for few hours? Maybe. But because of them I have place to sleep tonight.

"You know..." - I felt uncomfortable saying that I failed 5 times to kill myself and not one time have I succeeded. I just hoped they wouldn't ask.

"My older sister kicked me out of her house before two nights. Until then I lived with her and her husband along with my 4 year old niece." - I continued on not looking at any of them.

"My father left me, my mother and my sister when I was eleven and I haven't seen him since. My mother died four years after that. It was cancer. Then, because my sister was 20, she was already married. So she and my brother-in-law took me in." - They were silenced and I couldn't take the risk of looking at them. I feel like I would just start crying. Even now I am fighting that urge.

"And I lived with them until before two nights. In seven years I have tried to kill myself few times. Every time they were on work and my niece was with babysitter. But my ex best friend Aisha saved me every time. She always found me in the right time." - I took deep breath remembering all of this.

"I got into fight with her because of it. Because if she just left me there first time nothing of this would've happen." - I felt my eyes tearing up so I stopped for a moment and looked out of the window in front on myself.

"And because my sister couldn't take the risk of coming home one day and seeing me dead, my niece seeing me dead better said. And along with that she couldn't feed all of us. Yes, she and her husband worked but in the last time they are running short with money so she kicked me out." - My voice broke at last few words and I took shaking deep breath once again.

"And honestly that's for the best, she realized it before others. She realized that I am not strong enough for this world so she left me be. As I wanted. And I can't blame her for that. She did what other had to." – I stopped once again. "I didn't have much fun in high school, I only had Aisha the whole time."

"I never went to any dance, I never did any activity and I didn't go to the prom. Mostly because my mother died before I even went to high school. And every time I would have some fun I would remember her because she is the one who tried putting smile on me whenever I was sad. And I didn't want that brought up again." – I finished and started breathing heavily.

"But I did have one toxic relationship in high school. It ended up when he revealed our sex tape to whole school morning after we slept together." - And that made my life even more miserable.

"We saw each other after graduation when I was nineteen. It was in front of my sister's house. I was sitting alone and he happened to walk by, but that turned into him raping me in my sister's garage. Thankfully no one was home to hear that. And he's still very obsessive over me. I am trying to escape Michael for long time." - I played with my hands as I looked down in my lap.

"I made my life living hell, because I didn't allow myself to move on. And why would I take the risk of making someone else's life hell?" – I wiped my tears with my hands and I looked up to Carlos who was looking down at the floor with his hand supporting his chin and covering his mouth.

I looked to my left at Charles and he was staring at the floor in front of himself.

"How many times did you try?" - He spoke still staring at the floor. I don't know why he won't raise his head. And it's making me scared. The way I can't read his expression. Was it confused, scared, worried? I didn't know.

"With tonight? Five." - Whispered last word and I saw Carlos in the corner of my eye moving up and bringing his hands to his face. "I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you went through." - He said under his hands. "That's what everyone says."

"And we mean it. We are sorry that you went through that. But you are alive for reason. You didn't achieve point of your life." - Charles continued and I looked at him. "What is the point of my life? To pass my problems on someone else. You made me your problem the second you dragged me out of that river and the second you let me in your home." – I responded obviously irritated by the fact that I broke my promise. I promised to myself that I won't ever make myself a problem to someone else.

"You are not the problem." - Carlos snapped. I turned to him. "I don't know who told you that but you are not. And even if you are not glad that we saved you, we are. If you don't have anywhere else to go you can stay here with us. We are leaving this place in week or so, but until that we will figure something out." - He finished and stared at me for few seconds.

"We want you to give your life a chance. Give you, yourself, your life meaning. Become artist, paint, chef, photographer. Give it a chance." - Charles continued on Carlos. And it made me think.

I never painted and the last time I made meal by myself was when I was 14, for me my mother and sister. My birthday dinner. When I was at my sister's house, it would always be me cooking with someone else. They didn't trust me in the kitchen with knives and other sharp tools.

"And if I do. What if stay miserable as I am today?" – I asked because no picture and no desert will make up for things I went through. "You won't. It will distract you, trust me." - He finished and sat closer to me. But we still had space between us.

"I mean look at us. Our distraction is driving. We are Formula 1 drivers. And we are more out in the world than we are home. We travel, we visit cities and on the end of the week we drive and we do not think about anything else but driving." - Carlos jumped in. Formula 1? That explains all Ferrari stuff.

"Formula 1? That's cool. But dangerous." – I responded and Carlos spoke making me turn my head to him.

"Yeah but we love what we do so we don't think about it being dangerous, I mean there is fear of crashing and not doing something on time. But we love it. And that's what matters." - Carlos went on and I realized how passionate they were by talking of it.

I shook my head and stood up. "I am sorry for this conversation and all that happened tonight. I am going to sleep and I am very thankful for everything you did and I always will be." – I walked upstairs to my room and I closed the door.

Eventually I went to sleep.