Fatal Accident (C.L. & C.S.)

6. Million and one

He wishes that I see the world from point of view he sees it. Yeah he is famous. I mean I assume. Driving for Ferrari must be big thing. Many people love him I am sure.

We are not the same. He is a guy who achieved his dream is lovable by many people and loves his life. I am a girl who was miserable since she was eleven and she never let herself move on.

Maybe that is the problem with me. Maybe that's the reason I am trying so hard to end my life. I am not letting myself move on from sadness I'm the past. I am sure my mother would rather see me happy then up there with her miserable as ever.

But I just can't seem to change my mind. My mind is made of the fact that if I move on I would become easy target for people to hurt more. And I wouldn't like to be hurt anymore times. I've had enough.

But what does he mean by the light of the world? That's probably prettier way of seeing 'hey look here where we, are its better than there where you are'.

But what if they're right? I would maybe again be happy as I was first eleven years of my life. Maybe I find a love of my life. Maybe I make up relationship with my sister and maybe I get my best friend back because I realize that I fucked up. And I understand if she doesn't want to be one of the reasons I am dead.

But what if they're not. What if I let more people in? If I ever kill myself which I probably will, I'll just hurt them. They will hurt me. Letting wrong people in, is a fatal accident.

I let myself think about that other time. I turned around on the right side and I fell asleep.

I woke up by blinds being open. The light hit my face and I saw manly figure in the window. "Why?" - I whined placing my hands on my face to block the light. "Because it is almost 2pm." - Spanish accent said and I suddenly sat up.

"2pm? Dude those pills are amazing." – I yawned as Carlos approached me. "You know we just want to help you while there is still a chance of saving you." - He started sitting on the bed beside me talking with softest voice I heard from him.

"You are not on the bottom yet. You will be when you die. Right now you are very close to it, but there is still chance." - He softened his eyes looking at me.

"You think there is a chance? Well life must be really great, because I probably have million reasons to end it right now." - I said and he didn't seem surprised he only knows me for a night and knows that I am the hardest person he will ever deal with.

"And I probably have million and one, why you shouldn't." - There were few moments of silence before he stood up.

"From now on, I want you to look on the brighter side of everything you do or thinking to do. Be an optimist and not only will you see the brighter side of your life. You'll live in it. You just have to be less hard on yourself." - He went to the door and stopped. "And I made you breakfast. I didn't know what you liked, so I made pancakes. Everyone loves them." - He left room with upside down smile.

What if he's right? What if there is still a chance of me swimming out and meeting the light. I am in such deep water I can't see light of it yet. But what if I can? Then it would be easier to live. Easier to see the paths I should to choose.

Here, I am thinking brighter. I'll try to not do the 'but what if they're not right' or 'what if this goes bad' part and see where that brings me. Even if I am still stoned with my decisions.

I walked out of the bed and went downstairs. I didn't brush my hair but I tied it up better way than it was when I woke up minutes ago. I found Charles sitting at the kitchen land with plate of pancakes in front of him.

"Good morning or good afternoon. Whatever you like it." - He swallowed a bite as I sat next to him with soft smile. "Good afternoon." - He smiled continuing on eating.

Carlos placed plate with I think five pancakes in front of me. "Is this all for me?" - I asked not being sure. "Of course. I am making more. Eat as much as you like." - Carlos loudly said from the other end of the kitchen by a stool flipping another one.

"I have never been much of an eater. I never ate much so I think this will be more than enough. Thank you." - He showed thumbs up while he was still focused on pancake.

I scoffed taking a bite of it. "This is so good, oh my god. Where did you learn to cook like this?" – I swallowed bite and waited for his response which came shortly after.

"Well, I had some of free time and I put it to use. Trust me you didn't see anything. I can make way better things than this." - He responded and I continued on eating.

"Do you have any of your own clothes? If you don't we can go today and but something just so you have it." - Charles started conversation between us while Carlos was busy making pancakes and singing 'smooth operator'

"No, there is no need for that. I have some clothes in my sister's house. If she didn't throw them out yet. But I will got to her after breakfast, or lunch I don't know. She doesn't work on Sunday's." - That got me thinking.

What did she do with my clothes? Maybe she took some if for herself because she always said how she likes some of my hoodies, pants and even dresses. I didn't wear plenty of them. I never had a reason to wear one. And I think I can still fit in because if was bought to me by my sister before prom. Before she found out I was not going.

The dress is not fancy as it was supposed to be. Classic red mate color with little golden belt around waist. I didn't gain much weight in past few years. I've stayed the same as I was in high school. Maybe just a bit fatter and honestly I liked it. I like my body and I always did. But I don't like the mind in it or the thoughts that are going through it.

"I will drive you there." - He offered and honestly I would say no, but considering that I don't know in which part of New York I am, I accepted.

We ate, we all cleaned kitchen and I went upstairs to put on my pants that are now dry. I decided to keep Ferrari shirt on and I just put on a jacket because it was balls freezing outside. And plus, December is around corner.

Carlos decided to go with us too because he had nothing to do as well. I explained directions to him as soon as I realized in what part of New York we are, as Charles was driving and Carlos was in backseat.