Eunoia | Sirius Black

|24|

Italy, 1979
June 2nd, a hot summer day

"YOU MATTER!"

"WHAT SHE SAID!"

I make a sad face when the boy starts to cry harder. "I don't think we should give advice anymore,"

"I don't think we should either," Sirius agrees. "We made him cry again."

"You made him cry again!"

He turns to look at me, aghast, "I was just telling him that his opinions aren't useless and then you started yelling all the empowerment speeches Lily made you cram!"

"Should've married Lily before the Potter boy got to her." I roll my eyes and start to back away. 

"Well too bad, he got there when they were eleven years old." Sirius shrugs, falling into step with me. 

"Are we gonna leave the boy alone?" I grimace. 

"I don't know," He frowns. "Comforting kids makes me uncomfortable."

"I know right?" I sigh, hopping over a puddle on the road. "Toddlers are scary."

"So scary." He agrees but it sounds half-hearted. 

I laugh and turn back towards him, "The great playboy Sirius Orion Black hasn't had a change of heart, has he? You don't want kids, do you?"

"Nope." He says and walks ahead of me. 

"SIRIUS!" I laugh, catching up. "Show me your face."

"No." 

"Sirius!" I grab his arm and turn him towards me. He shuts his eyes tightly and I laugh again, "You do know shutting your eyes won't make you invisible?"

He sighs and opens them, his cheeks are red. "Whatever."

"You're lying," I narrow my eyes at him. "Your face gets all pink and blotchy whenever you lie to me."

"I don't know what you want me to say." 

"Do you - You don't...you want kids?" I frown. 

"I dunno." He shrugs but it's too late. His face has gone redder. He's lying.

My breath hitches. It was the one thing Sirius and I agreed about. No kids. Never, ever. I was practically allergic to babies and he hated toddlers who grew rebellious. It was so much work and it was scary. I didn't want to be waking up at 2 to quiet down a screaming baby who vomits and poops and pees at the same place while eating -  I shudder just thinking about it. 

The evening is like a scene brought out from the kind of books Lily reads. It's beautiful, utterly splendid. There are pink and purple and orange hues in the sky all merged together like a watercolour painting and there's the moon visible high up while a semi-circular sun sets in the west vision. 

We're standing on a cobblestone path leading to a tacky bar. After exiting the museum - which did not have literature nor art because come on, it's us. Sirius and I would obviously visit the museum of naked sculptures. After exiting, trying and failing to make that little boy stop crying after Sirius stepped on his cotton candy, we decided to chug a few shots, get drunk and go home to have sex. 

It's how it's been. We have amazing days, travel and laugh all day and then come home and make love. it's like our relationship's honeymoon phase. Only, the phase has been going on for much longer than anticipated.

James expects us to be home by the end of the month. There is a need of us at the Ministry and Moody is very angry at us for missing another month. But it's summer! And June of 1978 deserves to be graced by our presence in Tuscany. 

"Uh —" I hesitate because I truly have no idea what to say about this. We've talked on this matter only rarely, and we both know it's not something we want. "Let's go and get drunk, beautiful boy."

He smiles and I can see the long dimple in his cheeks, highlighting his gorgeous cheekbones. He's magnificent and I like him too much. 

The bar stinks of ale and there are bald, fat men sitting around in corners gaping at every woman that enters. There are also loose floorboards and I almost fall into an abyss after nearly stepping into one. Luckily, Sirius catches me. 

I look up and grin at him and he grins at me and that's just how it is.

We're both very rich. Grandfather left me all of his fortune, nothing to Ella which was faintly amusing to me and Sirius. His uncle left him his own fortune and now we can spend all that money wherever we want because what else could we honestly do with it?

 And even then, we don't mind entering cheap bars and getting drunk on cheap beer because this is us. This is Sirius and Elena. 

We sit on the tall saddled chairs and order our favourite drinks. 

"You two here for honeymoon?" Asks the bartender. 

I open my mouth to object but Sirius answers, "Yep, newlyweds."

"Brits!" She grins, "I have a soft spot for British people. Congratulations on your wedding, you lovebirds. This one's on the house, and whatever you order next, too."

"Aw," I smile widely, "Thank you —" I glance at her nametag. "Clarissa. Thank you so much."

"Of course," She waves me away and goes to get our drinks with a smile on her face. 

When they arrive, I take a sip and look at Sirius. "We're never getting married."

He looks up from his vodka and frowns. "That was just a joke —"

"I know," I sigh, taking a long sip. "but just to be clear. We. are. never. getting. married."

He clenches his jaw, "I know. We got that clear before starting our relationship."

"Among other things!" I inhale deeply. "Containing also, no kids rule."

"Elena, I don't —"

"Don't lie to me." I shake my head. "I'm the last person you can lie to anyway."

"As I said, I don't know what you want me to say."

"I don't know, Sirius." I purse my lips. "I don't want it all to get complex."

"It won't." He places his hand on mine and interlocks our fingers. "I won't let it."

"Why can't we marry, Sirius?"

"What —"

"Why can't we marry."

He looks at me for a few seconds before averting his gaze, "Because we'll fall in love and become an emotional mess."

"And we can never fall in love, right?"

"Right." 

"And if we do?"

He looks back at me, "We can never tell each other."