Eunoia | Sirius Black

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I woke up in someone else's bed, wearing someone else's clothes.

Mahogany, smoke, leather. Sirius Orion Black.

My eyes feel like there's a thousand-kilogram weight on them and my chest feels quite the same. My head hurts like a hangover after at least three bottles of the strongest drink and my legs are weak when I realise where I am and why I am there.

"Si-Sirius?" I croak.

Sirius jolts awake in a dramatic fashion and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He's in the same clothes I last saw him in and has a bandaid on his forehead.

"El? Are you awake?"

"No, you're hallucinating me saying your name."

He huffed out a relieved laugh and sat his arse on the edge of his bed, which I'm on. Without me asking, he pours me a glass of water.

I sit up and my back cracks like I'm an 80-year-old woman who hasn't walked since she was half her age. He fluffs out a few pillows behind my neck and helps me get upright and drink water.

"Is Lily alright?" Is the first thing I ask of him after a two-minute silence of us having a normal and usual existential crisis.

"She just had a minor injury on her left arm, nothing an Episkey couldn't fix. You on the other hand . . . "

"Me on the other hand?" I ask with a rasp.

"In muggle terms, or in Lily terms - you have grade three concussion. Fortunately, the huge-arse cart she gifted me of first aid on my birthday came to use and I've been feeding you potions as per the schedule she left me."

"How long -" I clear my throat at the grainy voice but Sirius seems to get what I was asking.

"Two days. I took an off from work today. Moody was enraged."

I chuckle but he looks oh-so-serious-Sirius. "I don't feel sensory sensitivity."

"You wouldn't. Most of your symptoms would be gone by now. You were on heavy dosages of healing potions. Lily also fed you a lot of blood-replenishing potion so you should be alright by tonight, hopefully."

"I will be," I tell him but he looks away.

Someone might be a little more worried than he'd admit. I smile and take his hand in mine, "I'm alright, I promise."

"It's my fault."

"What - No -"

"Yes," He cuts me off with a hard look. "I left you alone."

"Sirius," I surrender to the urge and roll my eyes. "You can't put a leash on me -"

"It's not about the leash, El." He frowns. "I should've been there to protect you. Especially when so many of our friends and us included -"

He stops short and I raise my brows, "What happened?" Sirius refuses to speak and I squeeze his hand with all my might.

He sighs, "James and I ran into Death Eaters, too. A few police officers were chasing us while we were riding Wilberforce, I think they saw them, too."

"You're still calling it Wilberforce?" I grimace.

"That's the part that stood out to you?" He gaped.

"No . . . " I lie but I think he knows how full of shit I am with the way his eyes narrow.

"Come on," He urges and before I can reply, scoops me into his arms and takes me to the bathroom.

"Sirius -"

"It's lukewarm water and you'll be alright," is all he says before undressing me and lowering me into the bathtub.

The water does help and mightily reduces half the ache in my body. Sirius sits behind me and takes my heavy hair in his hands, drenching them in water and massaging shampoo into my scalp.

I think I moan quite a few times from the way he's smirking. He gives me basically a full bath, only leaving for a few minutes to get a change of clothes. The time that I utilise to sink in the water and force oblivion on my mind.

I needed to go see Lily for myself later, the last time I saw her, she couldn't even walk properly. I refused to believe she only had a minor cut on her arm.

Sirius came back with one of his black t-shirts and my pjs and picked me up from the bathtub the same way he'd brought me here.

He dried me up, my arms feeling quite noodle for it and changed me into his clothes. I'd never felt more cared for.

When he stood up to leave and bring me something to eat, I gripped his wrist and brought him down.

"What - ?"

Sirius started to speak but my heart was going to burst from affection as I crashed my lips on his with the leftover energy in my body.

The kiss was unlike any we'd shared. It was . . . gentle. It was affectionate and loving and it made me feel like my head was spinning and my body was dancing on the clouds.

Sirius' hand cupped my jaw as he brought us closer and then abruptly let go. Before I could ask, he shook his head, "Don't do this to me, Elena."

"What are you talking about?" I whispered.

He opened his eyes, his beautiful and serene eyes and just smiled a sad smile before leaving me there in his bedroom, with his clothes on and a frown on my face.

Later when he returned with hot soup, he fed me it patiently and then pulled my arms up to get one of his sweaters on me. It was the warmest thing I'd ever worn.

He tucked me into the bed and kissed my forehead and this, I thought, this is what domesticity feels like. And it made me want to cry because love is the one thing I fully refuse to feel for anyone. I care about every single one of my friends and Sirius, too. But I don't love. I wouldn't ever love a soul.

When Sirius lays beside me on the bed, feets between us, I catch myself wanting him to close the distance. But I lie still, even when my legs start to shiver and my hands start to shake, I don't tell him. I stay quiet and force my heart to stop making up fantasies.

Though when I wake up the next morning, Sirius' arm is coiled around my waist and my head is resting on his chest. His other hand is behind my head as if cradling me to sleep and his heartbeat is directly under me, the most splendid song I've ever heard. Before he finds out, I sneak out of the room and sink my body into the bathtub until his scent wafts out. I will not love. I will not break.