Eunoia | Sirius Black

|91|

Whitehall, London, 1980
January 2nd, glum

When I get to the Ministry that day, there's a lack of Aurors. Alice meets me and says there's an Order meeting. 

I don't reply. I don't feel anything. I almost feel as if I'm being mean and then think, does she know what it's like to live in a house with someone you used to love more than life? Does she know what it's like to move past them every day and every brush or touch makes you want to cry because you don't even talk to your own husband anymore?

Does she know that the littlest of eye contact makes me want to hurl because it reminds me of everything bad he's done? Or that perhaps watching me waltz around his house makes him mad because that's right - I fucking saved his brother's life.

The mission isn't anything big, we have to only observe and take no action unless absolutely necessary. In case we do decide to make a move, there will be piles of paperwork waiting for us so we better not.

When I get to the Headquarters, the groups are already assembled. Hog's head basement is crowded on the corners with empty space in between. 

"We were waiting for you, Mrs Black," Dumbledore says. The name is like a slap to my face.

"We're going for pairs in this mission, you may stand beside your husband." 

I clench my jaw, could this day get any worse? The people who didn't know we were married started gossiping and gasping. When I stand beside Sirius, he's worried instead of angry. That's a first.

We're assigned to the Avery mansion with another pair, Benjy Fenwick and Pandora Lovegood. 

Pandora looks at me as if she knows every single one of my secrets. It is kind of unsettling but I'm not creeped out. She's a warm and homely person with a beautiful daughter and has a way of making people feel welcome. 

Sirius and I don't utter a word while Benjy and Pandora lightly chat the entire way. When we reach there, we crouch down on a bridge-like arc set beside the mansion. 

"So, what's the plan, Black?"

"How should I know?" Sirius snaps. 

"That's why I didn't ask you," Benjy rolled his eyes. "I'm talking to the other Black."

I'm pretty sure my cheeks are warm when I answer, "Sirius and Benjy are good in combat while Pandora and I are good with planning. Now that we're nicely balanced pairs, Sirius and I will go closer to the building while you'll both be on the lookout. Benjy, you have your chip?"

He nods and points to his head where the muggle device is locked and in place. "You alert Sirius and I as soon as something happens. Make sure to alarm us both in case we've lost touch and aren't together anymore."

The irony of the situation is laughable. Benjy and Pandora nod while Sirius and I cautiously disillusion ourselves and get down the bridge and out of hiding. 

He clears his throat and I hum, knowing he won't be able to see my nod. 

"We should probably hold hands in case we go in different directions and can't see each other."

I roll my eyes, "You'll be able to see my outline if you look hard enough."

"Still risky."

Listening to him, I reach out for his hand and grip it tightly. I'm pretty sure he squeezes it back as if he's scared but the warmth and worry in my heart are of no concern to me at this moment. 

We walk in a hurry towards the backdoor of the mansion. Sirius leads as he's been here multiple times in his childhood. When we reach the door, he inclines his head to the side and it's barely noticeable but it's there - a trapdoor. 

It's on the ground and covered by filth and dry leaves but I'm guessing it takes us to the basement. 

He goes first, offering me his hand when it's my turn. We were told it's a safe mission for through 'sources' Dumbledore knows the mansion will only have two maids and both of them are lazy enough to not care about little noises. 

Our mission consists of sneaking into Avery Snr's study and going through his important papers for any sign of the Headquarters. Dumbledore said somewhere in that study, we will find the appropriate parchment and all we have to do is run out with it in tow. 

Sirius opens a few doors and leads me up onto the ground through a series of glum hallways and when we're finally there, I see true to the word - there are only two maids and both are lying face first on their armchairs, asleep. 

"I'll go to the upstairs office, you go to the other one."

"We go together." He whispers back. 

"No," I grit my teeth. "We need to get out as soon as possible."

"It's for us returning safely,"

"Sirius —"

"Why can you possibly not listen to me for once —"

"I swear to god if you waste another moment with that silly argument —" I'm the strategist here, I get to decide."

"Fine!" He gruffs and soon, I see a silvery outline leaving in my periphery while I jog towards the study upstairs. 

It's dim and pristine and the marble under my feet makes me sick. I open the door with a creaking sound but that might be the worst decision I have ever made. 

The house isn't empty. 

In fact, there's a full fucking meeting going on here and out of all the moments that define my life, this should be in the top five for I just looked into the eyes of the devil himself. 

Instead of the study, this is the conference room or that is what I shall call it. At the head of a table that can seat around twenty people is Lord Voldemort himself, Bellatrix Lestrange to his left and Snivellous Snape to his right. And he, is looking right at me. 

He speaks something in parseltongue and a huge snake rises from behind him, towering over his head. I think my heart has stopped beating. 

My feet work on their own when the snake starts to move in my direction. I am running as fast as I can, not caring about who hears or sees me. My disillusionment is off and I am screaming for Sirius. 

I think he might've heard my first shriek from when the snake barrelled into the closed door, crawling right through it because he's right below the staircase - or his silhouette is. 

When he sees my charm is off and I'm not invisible anymore, I think he realises what's going on for in seconds, his own body is very vibrantly noticeable. 

He offers me his hand and I take it and we sprint towards the main door, ignoring the shouting maids behind us.

"What happened?" He pants when we manage to close the door behind us. 

"Keep running!" I yell at him. 

Trying to contact through my chip, I scream in my mind for Benjy and Pandora to run, run, run. 

Sirius pulls at my hand and hides me in the yard of the house just as the snake hisses loud enough for our eardrums to vibrate as it slithered noisily.

I hear maniacal laughter and the noise of a cane pounding on cobblestone. 

"There they are." Lucius Malfoy exclaims. 

I look worriedly towards Sirius but he shakes his head, telling me that they didn't see us. It only means one thing, they saw Benjy and Pandora. 

I visualise Benjy in my mind and yell, yell, yell. At last, when I finally hear him talking back, he's panicked. 

"I think I see a huge fucking snake and Lestrange with Malfoy right outside the house. You better get out —"

"Benjy," I speak as lowly as I can while still keeping my voice firm. "You need to dissaparate."

"But —"

"Benjy, get the fuck out! They know you're there. They're coming for you."

I think he says 'what the fuck' before the line goes dead. There is lethal silence for a long moment, and then we hear it. 

The bridge hiding Benjy and Pandora blasts so ferociously, it would be a miracle if anything remains of them.