Eunoia | Sirius Black

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Whitehall, London, 1980
May 25th, calm and pleasant

It had been three days ago when Moody asked Sirius, Frank and Gawain Robards to team up for a spying mission in Ireland. 

Reports had suggested there to be a massive outbreak of criminal activity in muggle colonies. Several people were reported missing and there was a single casualty, but the cause of death was unknown, nearly natural and we all knew what that meant. 

Ireland came under the security of London's Ministry and so we all had to alternate between missions in Wales, Scotland and Ireland, having most of the Aurors travel for days in the end. 

Sirius had been gone for four days now. Including today. 

I am watching Groovie Goolies, already on the sixth episode. Knowing it was actually inspired by a wizarding band made me curious to watch it. When I glance at the clock, it strikes four in the morning. 

I know Sirius would be mad at me to fuck my sleep schedule over while he was gone but it wasn't like he didn't wreck it himself when he was home. We never slept at night, we had more interesting things to do instead.

At exactly four fifteen, the knob of my front door twists and just from the sound and frequency of footsteps, I know it is him. 

When Sirius arrives, he's nearly startled to find me watching a cartoon at four A.M., but I goofily wave at him and he shakes his head with a smile. 

Before he knows it, I've jumped off the couch and into his arms. And as if almost expecting it, his hands grab my thighs. 

I pepper kisses all over his face. "My beautiful boyfriend has returned."

"If this is how I get welcomed every time I go for long missions, I might start opting for them on a daily basis." He laughs, catching my lips with his. 

"Don't you dare, Sirius Orion Black." I say firmly. "I am going to damsel in distress all over you."

"Don't you dare," He repeats. "I won't be able to go through the panic again, swear."

I hop back down and smile, watching him like a creep as he starts to remove his wristwatch. The cloak goes next, and then the holster for his wand. The bun on his head comes undone, his hair shorter now, just chin-length. 

He undresses, I know something is going on in his mind. "Say it, just say it."

He sighs and leans down on the kitchen counter behind him, his palms flat on the surface as he heavily breathes through his nose. 

"Sirius, are you alright?"

"Come with me?" His soft tone is freaking me out and I instantly nod, desperate to find out what the hell is happening.

He takes me out of the house and onto the street. Before I can say anything again, he's offering me his arm to take for an apparition. 

I oblige and we're gone with a crack, landing smoothly in front of the Hawke manor. 

My heart starts beating faster when he rounds it, looking back to see if I'm following. "Are you going to kill me back there? I hope you use something good, like an icicle so there's no evidence of a weapon."

He rolls his eyes and smiles, "I would die before I ever hurt you, mon bijiou."

Strangely, I believe him so much that I take his hand within seconds and then we're going around the house to the backyard that is not that far from the cemetery. 

I'm afraid but I trust him a lot to doubt his motives. "Are you sure everything is alright?"

When we stop in the dark backyard, Sirius pulls out his wand. It's moments before whatever spell he muttered takes place but when it does, I can't breathe. 

There were little fireflies, everywhere, flying above me, tangled in the grass below me. I laughed joyfully as one of them sat on my shoulder. 

Sirius was watching me affectionately but he couldn't hide anything from me. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead and dampened a tiny area of his shirt. 

"Elena," he whispers but I hear it as well as I would were he right beside me.

"Sirius," I reply with a smile.

"I love you," He says. "I will keep loving you until the last breath in my body. You fell for me much, much later than I did for you. And I don't think I will ever stop falling."

"Are we about to kiss right now?" 

He rolls his eyes but keeps going, "I love you like Dumbledore loves candies, like James loves snitches, like Lily loves to read cliche vampire novels, like Remus loves to fold his socks, like the Minister loves empty promises, as Lucius Malfoy loves his shampoo, like my mother loves beating her children, like my brother loves toxicity, like birds love flying and like badluck loved us as children."

"I dunno if that was supposed to be romantic, Sirius." I gasp. "Because half of that shit was dark."

"Just showing you the real me." He laughed. "You once told me, long before I had you or you me, that you saw the true me and you loved him. Today, I'm telling you, that I continue to see the real you, Elena, and I love her more day by day."

"I did say that," My voice is caught in my throat. "And I meant it."

"I know you did." He whispers. "You unravel before me each day and I adore every bit of it. Every inch of you. I was yours long before you were mine."

My heart is crying, with joy. With affection? I don't know, but whatever it is, it is raw and untamed and wild and free. 

"I know that loving you isn't the easiest thing to do, Elena. And that loving me isn't exactly a piece of cake, either. But we manage. We know how to love if not be loved. We're vulnerable and we're not the strongest people out there. We're angry and resentful and have demons no one knows of but we're each others and nothing matters more. So, one last time, I am going to trust fall into your heart because that is the only home I have ever known. Elena Hella Hawke," he goes down on one knee. "Will you catch me? Will you marry me?"

There are moments that define your life, this was mine. 

The place that had wrecked my soul, where I had to hold my tears while I dug the earth and broke my nails as I laid my grandfather down in the ground. The place that had ruined me was the one which I will forever remember as not where I lost my everything, but where I gained my everything. 

I gained myself a love that was earth-shattering. 

I didn't have to say 'yes,' he knew my decision the moment the first tear traced down my face. He knew it and he was smiling like an idiot as he beckoned me over. 

"Of course, I'd marry you." I whispered as I kneeled down. He still towered over me as he kissed my forehead, all the while slipping a beautiful emerald ring on my left hand. 

"I love you, Elena. Almost to the stars." It makes me smile because it's realistic and idealistic. 

"Almost to the stars, Sirius." I whisper back.