Eunoia | Sirius Black

103

Haslemere, Surrey, 1981
September 28th, mildly cold

The bed smells sweet, like ripe cherries dripping liquid under the moonlight.

She smelled like vanilla beans, she tasted like hot liquor, her touch was scalding flames and her eyes the vigour of oceans.

I smiled then I think. I might have laughed. I don't remember, it's a haze.

I am drugged, and all I see is teal blue. The closer she is to me, the more I crave her. I need her, close. And when she presses her lips at my throat, her arms around me, her body pressed to mine as such that it is difficult to know where her ends and mine begins, I want her closer still.

I think I'm going insane, lost in her thoughts and hers alone. I feel like I could devour the world.

"Sirius," She whispers.

"Sweetheart?"

"I think I might be in love with you,"

I laugh then, she does, too. She says it like a new discovery but I know exactly what she means. She falls more in love with each passing second.

Our love is different now, stronger after the near separation. We've gone through so much, but seemingly nothing can pull us apart now.

"I am definitely in love with you, Black."

She smiles a toothy smile and I kiss it, and she smiles again and I steal it with a kiss, too.

Her cheeks are crimson and her eyes are sleepy, I could feel the lines of her face without touching them, knew blind where her smile lines were and where the crinkles above her eyes when she laughed too hard were.

Her hands gently touch the calluses over my chest, she's taken over my subconscious. I love her, I think. I love her too much, I love her, I love her, I love her.

I was enamoured, exhausted and lovesick. How can a person be right by your side and you still miss them?

I am terrified of losing her. But it's alright, isn't it? How would I ever lose her, she's right by my side.

When I wake up in the morning there are uninvited thoughts inside of my head. One of them is stronger than all others. 

I take a potion from our bedside for my sudden headache right in the centre of my forehead but I doubt it would be of any use. I am afraid, so afraid of losing the ones I love and I don't think I'm in the right state of mind anymore. 

I kiss my wife's temple and leave the house before she wakes up and stops me. The door of James's house is as abandoned as it was the next time, contradictory to the homely feeling inside that I'd give Lily full credit for. 

"Sirius, it's not safe for you to be here right now," Lily says the moment she sees me removing my shoes at the doorstep. 

"It's okay," I assure her with a smile. "I took all the safety measures. Where's little James?"

She grins, a small dimple appearing on her chin. "In the kitchen. He won't eat anything today. He's teething."

"Hasn't he already?" I ask, dropping my coat on the couch. 

"Not entirely, no. What happened?"

I hesitate, not fully sure if I should be talking about this with Lily. I don't want to make her upset. "I missed my brother."

She raises her eyebrows and nods, "Go on, I'm going to nap for a bit. Harry didn't let me sleep all night."

I hug her for a brief moment before moving, a brotherly protectiveness crawling over me. "Be fine, Lils."