Eunoia | Sirius Black

|87|

Hogsmeade, Scotland, 1980
November 15th, hot and cold

It took time to resolve issues that ran as deep as secrets and betrayal. But I never realised how much time.

Sirius and I held hands as we walked off the High Street and towards the disreputable inn of Aberforth Dumbledore.

Just like always, we refused to look at the filthy wild boar on the door and went inside, silently climbing down the stairs to the grimy basement where the Order meeting would be held.

Sirius kissed my forehead when I accidentally stumbled closer to his side and squeezed my hand a little tighter. It was taking him time to fully accept the fact his brother is dead.

I hated that he wouldn't let me tend to his mourning side, but I realised that I needed to be patient. He loved me, and I loved him and it was no secret. The love won't vanish if we're mad at each other.

"Get out!" Aberforth's heavy voice rang as soon as we entered the meeting area. "No, I do not care that he's part of the Order now. Get. Out."

"I told ya," A short wizard with bandy legs and long, straggly ginger hair shrugged at Albus Dumbledore who stood at the head of the room.

He had bloodshot, baggy brown eyes, grubby hands and heavy hair on his body. Elena sighed as she went to stand by him for that was where James was standing and there was no other place left. She and Sirius somehow managed to step through the packed room and she scrunched up her nose at the strong odour of tobacco and alcohol from Fletcher.

"I understand this might be a little too crowded for you all," Albus began. There were grunts of 'no shit.' "But it was necessary for us all to have gathered here today."

Not ever has Dumbledore called every single Order member together. My heart palpitated. Is everyone okay? Sirius squeezed my hand.

"From now on, meetings will be held separately for every group," said Albus. "I assume Alastor here has already informed you all of the spy, as I had also done to another group a while back. What was just an assumption is now wholly confirmed. There is someone amongst us who does not belong to these ranks. Someone who has the death mark on their left forearm."

People shrieked, squealed, and made all kinds of frightened noises. I understand the fear of the Dark Lord but there were some who stood a little straighter, more defiant, and ready for a challenge.

"Now, until we figure out who it is, orders will be given to groups separately. Alastor and I called you here to remind you all that whoever is the mole, they will not be spared."

Moody gruffed, "If you think Voldemort will kill you do you not follow on his orders, as Head Auror, I will make you face a fate worse."

Dumbledore nodded, "There are going to be several missions from now on, the war is getting worse. For too long have I reminded you of the power of love and friendship. Now, you must do well to remember that love is nothing without bravery. Let us all face our fears, let us all stand strong and united. Let us end this war once and for all."

It sounded strangely optimistic but sweet lies. Dumbledore did realise that united front or not, brave or not, deaths will occur in huge numbers. Somehow unsurprisingly, he seemed to miss out on that part.

When we get home, Sirius is quiet. Quieter than usual, a better phrase. He's mourning his brother and says barely anything to me at all these days.

"Is everything okay?"

He looks up and nods, "Just thinking about the spy."

I bite my lip and sit down across from him, "It's worse knowing it could be someone we know."

He frowns, "Or someone close to us."

"Someone close to us?" I ask curiously. "Do you have someone in mind?"

Sirius doesn't say anything for a long moment but then he locks eyes with mine and they shine with certainty. "Elena, do you remember how. . .Lily's parents were murdered?"

I inwardly wince, "By a werewolf?"

"Yes," He replies. "Around the same time Remus went missing."

My breath comes short when I realise what he's implying, "Remus would never -"

"No, he wouldn't." Sirius doesn't hesitate in saying. "But don't you think something's off? Remus would never murder Lily's parents, of course. But he's always felt a bit of an outcast, don't you reckon?"

I am quick to stand up, "Don't you cultivate that idea any more than you already have, Sirius Orion Black. Remus Lupin is your brother, he's been your best bud since you were goddamn eleven! You know him."

"Do I?" Sirius purses his lips. "He's been acting weird for a while now. Wouldn't speak much if anything at all when we're together. Went missing for a month and came back only to refuse to say a word. He didn't even tell us what went on with the werewolf camp for crying out loud. It's all so vague."

"What are you trying to say?" I ask, knowing I truly don't want to know.

"I'm saying," Sirius stands up, too. "that Moony was sent on that mission to convince werewolves to not join the ranks of Voldemort but what if. . .what if he realised that's where he truly belongs? Don't you remember? Don't you remember how he said werewolves don't hurt their own?"

I shake my head vigorously, "No, no, no -"

"You won't even sow that idea!"

"I won't ever consider it," I yell. "And I've known Remus for way shorter than you have. Shame on you for even thinking such a foul though, Sirius."

"Yeah, you've known him in far different ways, too." He scoffs.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I huff out a bitter laugh. "Are you joking right now?"

"Do I look like I am? Certainly, you haven't made it jolly enough for me to joke."

"What the fuck, Sirius?"

Sirius looks back at me and gulps, "I can't get over it,"

"What?" I ask.

"I tried and tried and tried, El. But I can't get over the fucking fact that my brother is dead and my wife knew all along. She hid it for a year and then she's defending her ex-boyfriend."

"Remus is your fucking friend, Sirius!" I shake my head. "If anything, you should be the one defending him."

"Did you not notice how quiet he was today?" Sirius argues. "He didn't utter a word, looked pale, too!"

"Because the moon's in a goddamn week!"

"Didn't effect him before." He grunted.

"Is this what you think of me then?" I look at him with unshed tears. "Am I fucking slut now, only for defending your brother, for defending sweet Remus who wouldn't dare even harm a fly?"

"I'm not saying such words, Elena." Sirius says sharply.

I can't take it anymore, I jog to my room and slam the door shut.