Sterling, Scotland, 1951
November 5th, soft winter
"You know I can't do magic, Xan."
"I do know that, so does Essex. But Bella, my dear, there has to be someone with our daughter."
"It should be you, I will do the talking with the Blacks."
"Blacks are dangerous, my love. I need to be there as a wizard."
"You cannot shame me for being a squib!"
"I am not. I would never, Bella." Alexander Hawke says. "All I've ever wanted is for my family to be alright. You and Essex need to be safe."
"Is it really that bad if we're no longer a part of it?" Bella questioned desperately.
"It is," Alexander sighed. "Being one of the sacred-twenty eight gave us power and security. We had people behind and in front of us. Now, however, we're on our own. And you know that is something that can't happen."
"We can protect our own!" Bella declared with a shaky voice. "Mother did it."
"Her sister died, Bell. She was wrecked and had to be strong for the sake of you." Alexander said, feeling nauseous with the pressure. "Moreover, you're very well aware of what that bottling up did to her. She killed herself."
"She did not kill herself." Bella gasped. "Someone called it an accident while someone called it suicide! But I know the truth, she was murdered."
"Bella . . ." Alexander softly frowned in concern. "My dear, you need to accept the reality."
"Rebbeca Hawke would never take her own life!" She yelled. "My mother was a happy woman, haunted by the ghosts of her past, nevertheless happy."
"Bella, please," Alexander inhaled sharply. "You have to let it go."
"I can't!" Bella frowned miserably. "And knowing you're leaving and mightn't return makes me the holder of the greatest melancholy ever."
"I will come back." Alexander softly brushed her cheek. "I will always come back to you."
"What if something happens to me after you're gone, Xan?" Bella feverishly trembled. "What if someone came after us?"
"No one would," Alexander reassured. "This house is the most secure place for you right now, trust me."
"I don't feel okay."
"Neither do I,"
"No, Alex," Bella whimpered. "Not in that way, I really do not feel —"
"ALEXANDER?"
Alexander turned along with his wife towards the door where a Ministry official was ready and set for the man's visit to the Wizengamot.
"Bella," He turned back to his wife. "I will be back soon, take care of yourself and our daughter, alright?"
"Alex —"
"I won't be gone long!" Alex informed and in a blink, the two men were gone.
Bella didn't feel alright. No, she felt horrible. She looked down at her daughter and felt nauseous. She wouldn't let anything happen to Essex.
The window on the top floor opened and banged against the wall, making Bella jump in horror.
She compared the odds and reluctantly, went towards the staircase to shut the window. Essex needed to be warm. Anything for her daughter, Bella would do anything.
A step, and two, and three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven and she halted.
One foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other. Bella felt lightheaded. She felt as if someone was sucking the energy out of her.
When she reached the window, her heart stopped beating for a moment. Someone was there.
She saw the last of the gown vanish behind the drapes. A woman was in the house. There was someone in the house. Her heart pounded painfully against her chest. Who could that be?
She desperately hoped it wasn't someone from the sacred-twenty-eight. She wouldn't be able to deal with her without Alexander. Her being a squib has always been Bella's greatest weakness and discomfort.
The wind whipped around her, the curtains frolicked and the window banged against the wall again and again in a haunting melody.
And then, there it was.
A whisper in the quiet. Bella
Bella frowns and backs away a step, "Who is it?"
Bella, my Bella, lots have come before you and lots will come after you. You will never be alone, you will never be the only one
Bella cowered away in fear when the sound of the same white gown she'd seen before came again. It swished against one of the candle stands and then it was gone again.
Bella, you are the end and you are the beginning, don't you see? You strong, strong girl. They had you grow up too quick
Bella shook her head, eyes glistening with unshed tears when she saw the gown behind her, hidden in the shadows, going down the staircase.
"NO!" She screamed. Not toward Essex, not her daughter.
Bella, oh Bella, don't be afraid, aren't you tired from holding on?
Bella was confused but her mind was muddled, her thoughts were a tangled mess and her legs were trembling as she ran towards the stairs.
Bella, you weren't meant for this mundane world. My Bella, the moon made you, she's homesick
Bella was sobbing by the time she reached her daughter's sleeping form. She was growing up too quickly and had fallen asleep on the sofa with the sweetest smile on her cherry lips.
Bella, you have been brutally bruised, you have been repressed and suppressed and oh, Bella, my Bella. Your love is deeper than the ocean, bigger than this god-awful life. Bella, my darling, aren't you tired of holding on? Bella, my love, aren't you tired of feeding the devils?
Bella felt breathless, looked around and looked around and found no one. She was going insane, she was — she was —
Bella, you dreamer, pick your weapon, and face the fight like the courageous soul you are, my Bella. Oh, how I sob at your vigorous spirit, sob at what never was, what never will be
"Mum?"
Bella felt her nose water, it might as well have been blood from the iron in her mouth.
"Mum?"
She moved, steadily and cautiously towards the fruit bowl on the table in front of the sofa where her daughter lay.
"Mother?" Essex asked quietly, eyes still a little red from the sleep, voice a bit grainy.
Bella tilted her head and breathed. No air went inside her lungs. She was choking alive, her heart felt heavy in her body and her mind felt like liquid.
"Mum, your face —" Essex widened her eyes. "Mum?"
Bella picked the knife from the bowl, and without looking back or thinking twice, slit her wrist.
Bella, my Bella, they do not deserve you, you are a beautiful mind with a beautiful thinking
Essex screamed, crying like a banshee as Bella obliviously cut her other wrist. Blood, blood, blood everywhere.
Essex's dress was crimson from pink. She hated pink now, she'd never wear it again.
Bella exhaled just when the white gown came into view again and oh how beautiful she was, how incredibly fascinating her eyes were.
Bella smiled, "Eunoia,"
Welcome home, she whispered back.
YOU ARE READING
Eunoia | Sirius Black
FanfictionThe House of Hawke has been called the traitorous, filthy and scum house the entire time that name was known to the living. Past or future, one would accompany it with the adjective "Horrifying". It was a matter of grief for the youngest daughter...
