Eunoia | Sirius Black

INTERLUDE-5

'Here', she says softly to the boy on her lap, 'is your heart.'

And within resides a universe. One that is yours, one that you control.'

'How do I control it?' asks he.

She laughs softly at his obliviousness. 'It is yours, boy. You own it. And what you own, is yours to control, too.'

'What if I don't want to control it?'

'Listen now,' she contorts the sentiments in her eyes to graveness, 'you must never let go of the leash on your heart. You are a boy, and you are not doomed to the fate they all are. The family of your betrothed is destined. You are not. But that does not, for one moment mean that you are free of responsibilities.'

'But I am just a child.'

'You are just a child, but like us all, you will need to grow too soon.' She kisses his forehead. 'Way too soon.'

'Aren't you afraid of every dark bit inside of my soul, mother?'

'No,' she smiles as if he was unaware wholly of the cruelty of the world. He truly was. 'You haven't seen my soul yet.'

'She comes at midnight, she kisses my nose, kisses my cheek, my heart, my forehead,' she pauses for a moment too long, 'my lips.'

'Does she now?' She asks her older sister.

'She fills my heart with nectar so sweet, I long for it. She fills my spirit with affection that I feel as if I'd never grow sick of it. I want her, so terribly, so irrevocably, irreparably that I. . .feel. . .I cannot live without her.'

'You love her.'

'I do, so much.'

'Women don't love women that way.'

'I have made a grave error.'

'You will be burned, sister.'

'If that is my redemption. If that is my punishment for loving her, I shall take it without a blink. I do not regret, sister mine. I have no guilt.'

'You will not care for leaving us behind. I and Alfred will be alone.'

'You have each other. You will be married soon.'

'We need you.'

'And I need her. As selfish as it sounds. I am deeply sorry, so, so sorry about doing this. But I have to - I have to go visit her again tonight.'

'What if you get caught? You need to understand -'

'I do understand!' She forgets about whispering now. 'You - don't. I love her. I love everything that has been touched by her. I love everyone she talks to. I love every breath she takes and every food she likes. I would love the arrow she'd decide to engrave in my chest if she wants, sister.'

'This is madness. THIS IS MADNESS.'

'I have an illness and she has become my only cure. Even now, when she is not with me, I feel as though I would die if I don't see her soon. I am starving for her, and she is my banquet. I am in love, love, love, sister.'

'But -'

'I will return to you.'

'Francisca, you need to know the risks -'

'I know them well enough, Rebecca.' She smiles at her younger sister and finally clasps the cape around her throat, ready to move into the dark, dark night.

'I am only eight!' She still argues. 'I can't - Francisca, I am to be wed in a few years. I need you, I cannot afford you to be imprisoned for unholy relations with the same gender. You have to stay, please, I beg of you -'

'I promise, Bex. I will return. Wait for me. I will be back by the morning.'

Rebecca waited. She waited all night and day. The next day and the next night. Francisca did not keep her promise. It was only a week later when her body was found. They said she shot herself.