Eunoia | Sirius Black

|73|

The Pyrenees, Southern France, 1980
April 17th, Pleasant weather

It was day two of our team being here, standing guard, waiting for attacks and ambushes. 

None happened. Not yet anyway. But there was a pit in my stomach, hoping it'll stay that way or happen soon so I can return healthy and alive. Hoping this wasn't a distraction to guide us away from London where the ambush was really happening. 

Just in case, we all had emergency portkeys prepared and were ready to leave the moment recruitments were called. 

After my shift was over, Frank and Robards took over. James was waiting for me in the hotel lobby, a tray of French cuisine in his hands and a warm grin on his face. 

"Do I smell soufflé au chocolat?"

"Yes, ma'am." James mock bowed. "I've got some soup for you, too. And baguettes, obviously"

"Obviously," I repeated with a dimpled smile, my red hair tied in a tight bun on my head, though it seemed like a few stubborn locks of hair managed to get out.

"Was Lily alright with you leaving for a week?" I ask as we make our way to his room. 

"She was as okay as Sirius was. Worried more than angry but paranoid nonetheless." He answers and I nod. 

"I never thought I'd be in a relationship with Sirius fucking Black."

"I never thought I'd be married to Lily fucking Evans but here we are."

"Here we are," I reply monotonously and he chuckles, pushing open the door to his room with his arse as he dramatically welcomes me in. 

"Your room is as messy as the marauder's dorm, if not more so." I smile reminiscently. 

"Yeah," He snorts. "It was mostly me and Padfoot creating chaos. Peter found it as n excuse to not fold his clothes and Remus was the fed-up mother hen who did it for all of us."

"Haven't seen Remus in a week or two," I tell him, "Is he doing okay?"

"Last I saw him was on the full moon. Padfoot was really tired and he went home early but Peter, Moony and I chatted for half the night."

"A week ago." I frown. 

James hums, "He'll be alright, though. Moony might be the sweet little mother but he's a werewolf, too, El. He can defend his own."

I know that, of course. But worrying about him has nothing to do with him being a werewolf. Death Eaters have a ferocious werewolf in their cult, too. 

"I'll come to visit Godric's Hollow after this mission," I tell James as we practically inhale our food. "I have only been there like thrice in the past year."

"You should come, Lily's starting to show. Barely but it's noticeable."

"You're going to be a wonderful dad." I tell him. 

"Lily misses you loads." He says, then pauses and I know something's on his mind. 

"Just spit it out." I sigh. 

"Ella visited."

My hands halt in their tracks, the half-eaten baguette dropping crumbs everywhere. "Did she now?"

"She was asking about you." He says and I raise a brow in curiosity. "She wanted to know if you're doing okay. Said she regrets everything and she's sorry and she just wants to talk to you once. I told her to not bother you and Lily did the same."

"And?" I knew there had to be something else. 

"I think the Notts kicked her out as soon as she graduated." James gulps. "She looked pretty bad, uncombed hair. . .she looked like she hadn't even eaten anything in ages. I think she went looking for you at the Hawke Manor, though. But she couldn't get in?"

"Yes," I shakily tell him. "I put a strong charm on it. It's heavily protected. I was thinking of putting the Fidelius charm later, but I think for now this is enough."

"Elena. . ." He frowns, taking my hand. "Pads told me what happened. I am so sorry, if only I'd known —"

"It's not your job to —"

"Don't." He commands firmly. "Don't you dare tell me that it's not my job to take care of you. Because everything in a friendship goes both ways and you stood there — you stood there, El. Taking in all of our grief while you'd been suffering, too. I feel awful, obviously. But I know you wouldn't take great to those stupid feelings so I'm just going to tell you that I'm grateful."

I don't want to accept, I'd been carved in a way throughout my childhood not to, but I do it anyway. Because my past, however dark it had been, is not what defined me. "I . . ."

I nearly tell James I love him and care for him as I would for a brother but I don't, it was hard enough to say it to Sirius. 

"I know," He smiles softly and kisses my forehead before jumping off the bed and dusting off the crumbs from his pants. "Now, enough of this emo shit. Frank must be cursing us, the bloke's shift is over. I got to go take over for him and you need to go take over Proudfoot's placement."

I nod, "I'll be there in five minutes, leave the key with me and I'll do the locking and stuff."

James agrees and hands me over the key. When he's nearly out the door, he halts. "Elena?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too." And then he's gone. 

I force myself not to cry, but strangely enough, I don't want to ruin this moment with salty tears. A sweet smile slips out instead. 

Paulina Proudfoot is waiting for me when I get there three minutes late. She doesn't mind, though and gives me a pat on the back and a wink. 

All my previous shifts have been miles outside Beauxbatons. This one, however, is inside the school. 

The moment I enter, the blue blinds me and suddenly I'm the eleven-year-old girl again who loves her sister more than anything, finds her grandfather annoying, is traumatised by her mother but worships the memory of the woman still and I feel weak in the knees. 

Naivety had rolled in my arteries back then. I had known nothing, understood things I shouldn't have, had witnessed things not made for my eyes. I was so young, and still am.

Even though I'm older now, I have lived none of my childhood. It's like I skipped all the good parts. I think I never felt like I'm an adult now for I'd been one since I turned a teenager. 

The blue is overwhelming but I avert my gaze, and that's when I see her. She's already looking at me.