Eunoia | Sirius Black

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I haven't heard from Regulas since December 1979. I know he's safe, if something had happened to him Kreacher would've come to me. 

I still remember his tear and bloodstained face and his pleading eyes when he made me promise not to tell Sirius a syllable about what had happened. 

My heart had stopped and I was in a paradox. Should I tell him I don't know what he's talking about? Or take this branch and breathe a sigh of relief now that he knows through someone else. 

But then I'm terrified to think someone else knows. Regulas needs to be safe - nothing can happen to Reggie - 

"Who told you?" 

I realised my mistake three seconds after I made it. He knows it's true. 

"Sirius - "

"I don't know which one was the lie." He chokes out. "You not telling me about him being dead or him never being dead at all."

I don't know what to say but I don't have to, he's feeling too many emotions all at once. "I was at the Ministry, mostly." 

"What?" I frown. 

"Sometimes, I would sneak into Grimmauld place and go to his room to see if he left any letters." 

My heart sinks. "I don't understand."

"Other times, I'd go to the Ministry even on the days it was closed. So I could work on the clues I found. My big break was when I found the files which said Reggie's body was never found. Even though there was a gravestone for him."

"I am sorry," I say because that's all my throat allows me to let out. 

"That's where I've been Elena," He whispers. "All this year and most of the previous one. I've been looking for clues."

I want to scream, I want to cry, I feel horrible. I feel like I've failed him. 

"I feel like I've failed you." He says, his eyes are bloodshot. I wonder how long he's been crying. "I told you I don't trust you even when you tried telling me over and over again that there's a reason, that I should believe you. I was blinded by grief. Elena....I...."

I don't waste a moment in telling him everything then, he knows it already. I have kept my promise to Regulas, I did not betray him. "Kreacher - "

"Kreacher is the one who told me." He interrupts. I went to my parents's house again today and got caught by the elf this time. My father's really sick, grandfather thinks he might be dying. My mother wasn't home, fortunately. But being a Black, Kreacher is obliged to listen to my commands. He resisted but then . . . told me how he came to you. And how you saved my brother, how you got him away."

"He made me promise. . . " I frown. 

"I thought so, he despises me." Sirius hiccups. 

I move gently towards where he's sitting and he doesn't move an inch when I wrap my arms around him, only buries his head deeper into my embrace. "You are home," he whispers. 

"Sirius - "

"I can never thank you enough for saving his life. I don't blame you for wanting to leave me. I'd leave me, too." 

"I've been trying to find my grandfather's murderer, too," I tell him, my chin on his head. "And the only reason I won't tell you where I'm going before leaving was because I was angry and hurt and wanted to get back at you, and I'm sorry."

Sirius sobs a little and I hold him tighter, we stay like this throughout the night and I don't realise when I fall asleep. 

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