Eunoia | Sirius Black

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The couch dips down beside me and baby Harry crawls onto my lap. 

For a moment I'm confused about how he got on the couch by himself before I see James in the corner. He scoots closer and takes my hand in his. 

"Divorce?"

Just the word makes me break down. He wraps one arm around me and lets me cry on his shoulder. "What do I do, Prongs?"

"Is he bad?"

"He's been the worst."

"Then do it." 

I look up and he's smiling. "You're like my sister, El. I love Padfoot, I'd die for him. But when he's wrong, he deserves bad treatment."

My chin trembles and James flicks my nose. I make a cry-laugh noise. "What are you doing?" 

"What, it always makes Harry laugh. Look," He boops Harry's nose who's cuddled on my lap and Harry starts giggling at once.

I smile so wide it hurts, "Hey, Bambi."

"Lily calls him that too sometimes, she never tells me what it means."

"I won't either." I chuckle when he starts frowning and lift up Harry in my arms. 

He's wearing a onesie with a hood that has antlers and he looks his dad personified. His little chubby hands grab the air near my head and I have the right mind to make him sit back down before his death grip takes my hair in his grasp and the only solution is to cut them. 

"I want a baby," I tell James.

He starts laughing and when Lily gets to know, she does too. I think it's more of a "Oh boy, sure you do." laugh than an "aw" one. 

"You should stay the night and take care of Harry." She says. She has a glint in her eyes and I'm scared.

⚕⚕⚕

I don't want a baby. 

I have dark circles under my eyes, and I have gotten a maximum of 1 hour of sleep. That too in varied intervals. 

Lily woke up refreshed, happier than I have seen her in a year. "Oh, El," She says the moment she sees me still holding Harry in my arms. "You are a goddess, do you mind staying here tonight, too?"

Before I leave for the Ministry, James hugs me extra tight and gives me a kiss on the forehead. I wish he were my real brother. I have grown so close to him, if something happens to him and his family it would be my rock-bottom.

The headquarters are mostly empty, everyone is in their respective offices. I sit down with Griselda Marchbanks and prepare for my W.O.M.B.A.T.S. for a few hours before my happy time ran out and an Order meeting was announced.

"Where have you been?" Moody growled when I reached later than most. "Clever, this one is."

I don't even have the energy to give him a sheepish smile or feel bad. When I'm Minister, I'll bend him to my ways. 

Kingsley is here today, he smiles at me sweetly and I smile back. I think mine looks more like a grimace but I can't help it. 

We all circle around a table and there's a map. Dumbledore stands at the head of it. "Welcome, members."

I sense Sirius Black more than I see him. He's right in front of me, and I know he's looking at me. Remus isn't here today because of the full moon and James isn't either. Lily had said Harry was a bit too crabby today and he needed to stay back. 

"What do we do?" Aesop Sharp asks. "This is where they get most of their stuff from. We need to raid Knockturn Alley, and formally this once."

"We can't do it formally," I tell him. "The Ministry tries its best to stay away from all places devoted to dark arts."