𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘴

41 - Kakashi's mind

Kakashi

I watched her enter her apartment, all happy and excited..is he the reason? I watched her lights turn on, before she almost closed the door. She stopped when she noticed something straight in my direction, she waved. She called out to me, gesturing me to go to her.

She never did that? how come today? I kept my book down and went upto her. "What were you doing up there?" She said, all smiley.

I lifted the book, she narrowed her eyes giving me a dirty look. "Kakashi-san will never stop being a pervert," She said, making me scratch my neck in embarrassment. She took my other arm and pulled me inside,"I know you already had your dinner with the Hokage but I made something! you need to try it out," She said.

I didn't speak much today while she did more than usual. We both acted unusually which maybe was only noticed by me. She kept on talking about how she made it and how she didn't expect it to taste good.

She sat across me, helping me debone the fish. I wasn't that much hungry, but gave in, since she cooked it. She always loved cooking. Once, she prepared a dish with high hopes, ended up not liking it and cried her eyes out to me. I asked her to let me judge, but sbe ended up eating it all by herself. Later she expressed, it was really good.

My thoughts made me smile, which made her look up at me. I stopped. "What's on your mind Kakashi-san?" She said, resting her arms on the table.

I turned to look at her but couldn't help but notice a mark on her lower neck. It made me wonder, What happened between those two?

She noticed my eyes and followed where I looked. My eyes travelled up to see her face, she panicked. She tried explaining that it was from the oil which got wild while she was cooking. I didn't say anything this time too.

I quietly ate the food she served, feeling my stomach about to burst open any time now.

My mind welled up with just my own thoughts. They were screaming to me.

She's 7 years younger than you, you shouldn't be feeling anything towards her but brotherly love.

She's happy somewhere else, you lost the place long time ago.

She was never meant to be yours.

You truly don't deserve any happiness.

You lost yet another, while being confused.

It's you, who ruined it for yourself.

You are not meant to come out of your sufferings.

That's what you get for your faults and mistakes.

Your fate doesn't have happiness written in it.

A hand made the noise quiet down, completely.

"Y/n.." It was her hand.

"Are you okay?" She asked with her tone down.

My eyes almost spoke out for me. "I am," I said, clearing my throat. I got done with eating and complimented her foods. They were really good. She asked me to stay for some more minutes, so I did.

I sat on the couch, leaning my back on it. The clock read 11 pm, making me turn to her,"It's getting late," She nodded, while washing the dishes. I looked back to the front and got my book out.

I never read the book whenever I am with or near her. I find myself thinking about or just looking at her whenever she wasn't. I loved her so much all these years, from the very beginning of our meet.

I still remember her asking me to help her get Obito's attention whenever sensei would take us to his house. I was always unapproachable but not to her. Suddenly, her age came out to be just the same as us. During the war, she fought with everything she had, she was indeed powerful from the start.

I watched her stay strong despite losing so many. She was truly admirable, how come I was confused all these year and never made the move. Now I am in devastation when someone else did, pathetic.

"You love this, so I made it." She placed a plate with pudding, while she took a seat in the single seating couch.

I took my headband off, ruffling my hair to set it aside. I eye smiled to her,"Thank you," She took the book from my hand and flipped through pages.

"Not a book for minors," I said, attempting to take the book away. She swatted my hand away, saying,"will be 21 year old this year, oji-san." I sighed in defeat.

She looked through the pages, reading them. I took glances, noticing her dazed expression then switching to silent gasping. She smiled and chuckled softly making me fall for her. I looked away not wanting to fall more, for that I now know, she will never be mine.

I quietly ate the delicious pudding while she read the book. I did take glances for some millisecond, despite swearing to myself to not look at her.

She was young and seemed fragile, makes me wanna take care of her so badly but maybe it's not my job anymore.

"What does love mean to you Kakashi-san?" I looked over to her, as her eyes remained on the book. She continued, "It's a weird occurrence to me, it can be anyone for whom you might fall for. No one can be or should be blamed, for falling for someone. It's not a sin, as long as the person brings you unexpected peace and fill color in your voided life. It's love when their one touch can mute the million of chaos." She looked up, smiling,"Jiraiya-sama said it. Do you believe it too?"

I was overwhelmed, overly overwhelmed. Anyone who would have seen my eyes, would have understood what I felt. Luckily, she is too naive to understand. But, this did make me realize, and gave me hope to not give up yet.

What about it if she's happy with him when I know I can keep her happier?