Not So Perfect [Avatar The Way Of Water]

19

Miyara's pov:

"Stop," I giggled as I lowered the bow, turning my head to Neteyam who was looking at me with a dreamy gloss in his eyes, a smile appearing on his face once I looked at him.
"With what?" He asked me as he crossed his arms and leaned against the palmtree from where he observed me practicing my archery skills, which I had gotten a lot better at thanks to Neteyam.
"With looking at me like that," I said, breaking eye contact with him, "I can't concentrate with you looking at me like that."
"How exactly am I looking at you then?" He asked softly as he slowly walked over to me. I could feel my heart skip a beat as he let his arms swing next to his body, he had a certain walk which I found extremely attractive.. not that I would ever admit it to him.
"You know," I said rolling my eyes with a grin upon my face.
"I don't actually, but clearly it distracts you," he said being mere inches away from me, my heart beating faster in my chest as I could feel my cheeks flush, "am I making you nervous?"
"No," I lied with a breathy chuckle, still holding the bow in my hands, "why would you?"
"Because we kissed, twice," Neteyam said softly; my eyes widening as he did so, "and now you're wondering what that means."
"I'm not, but please, do explain it to me," I said letting go of the bow as I turned to face him.
Something inside of me towards him had changed, once I was so sure that Aonung was my path, that Aonung was who I should be with, I practically forced myself to allow him in my life when he was still a bully because I would end up with him one day anyway. And I had finally accepted that, me and Aonung would be together, I knew that and when I got together with him, I even desired that, but Neteyam for some odd reason made me question everything. Everytime he's near me I feel sick to my stomach but in an exciting way, not like I'm nausious. I'm starting to yearn his presence and everytime he's not around I feel a little sting in my heart, yet I can't explain why. He keeps on popping up in my head, even when Aonung kisses me and I hate myself for it because I shouldn't be like this, I shouldn't feel like this. I had no idea what it meant, I was sure that I loved Aonung but yet I couldn't explain these strange feelings I had for Neteyam. Being with Neteyam was different, it was freeing and exhilarating but also easy. Sometimes when I was around Neteyam it felt like my feet couldn't touch the ground, like I was up floathing in the sky the way I'd float in the sea. I couldn't explain these feelings, they were so different from what I felt for Aonung so they couldn't possibly be love, right?
Yet as he stood here before me, looking at me like that, I had to force myself to not kiss him because I knew deep down that I wanted to but my head told me to not to. My future was with Aonung, I couldn't allow myself to fall for this boy from the forest but as he got closer and towered over me the way he did, it became very difficult not to. I could still play the kiss we shared when I had my panic attack on replay in my head, because it was the first long lasting and passionate kiss we had and had they not been under terrible circumstances I might've enjoyed it more because when his lips left mine I yearned for their return. Even if I shouldn't have.
"I'll only hurt you, Neteyam," I whispered as I placed my hands on his arms to stop him from getting any closer, "save yourself from that pain."
"I don't think I want to," he said as he shrugged my hands of and gently placed a hand on my waist, and I didn't fight him, "you're worth the pain."
"I don't want to be the reason you suffer," I said, there was no good that could come from this, no matter how curious I was about it myself, we would only get hurt.
"You won't be," he said as he gently pulled me against him, "I want you, Miya."
"You shouldn't want me," I said looking deeply into his eyes, "I can never be yours."
"You can, you just haven't realised it," Neteyam said as he began to lean in. I could feel my heart rip apart in my chest when I pushed him off and saw the hurt look in his eyes.
"Why? Neteyam, why?" I asked him feeling a mixture of both sadness and anger, but not towards him, towards myself for allowing his feelings to get this far for me.
He remained quiet as he saw me breaking down infront of him, keeping a calm and steady posture himself and he clenched his jaw.
"I was fine, you know?" I began, finally letting everything inside of me break free, "I love Aonung, I do. Just like I was supposed to, I was doing just fine falling for the boy I have to mate with in a year, falling for the boy I was intended to spend the rest of my life with since I was six years old. I was accepting my faith, that was my path and I was finally so sure of it but... but then you came along," I shouted as I paced around and became more angered than sad, "you and your pretty eyes, your.. your cute smile and that perfect hair of yours. You with your loving and calm personality, your soft, gentle voice and that stupid cute walk of yours when your hair goes all whoopy! I was okay with falling for Aonung before you came along and also made me fall for you! So you can't just-"
"- You're falling for me?" Neteyam asked me interrupting my rant. I wanted to open my mouth and speak out against what he said until I realised that it was exactly what I had said, I got so lost in ranting on and on to him about how unfair it was that I had not only admitted to him that I was falling for him but I had also admitted it to myself in the process.
"I.. I," I stuttered as Neteyam continued to look at me with those pretty, yellow eyes of his, waiting for my answer, "I don't know what it is that I feel for you."
"But you feel something for me? Something that is more than friendship?" Neteyam asked me and I sighed.
"Yes," I admitted as I nervously looked down at my feet, not being able to admit it to him, "I feel something unexplainable for you."
I hated myself for admitting that, within a week from now I would have my birthday, I would have a ceremony with Aonung infront of the entire village. It would mark the last year before we are to be mated, how could I not only betray Aonung like that but also my people? I had a duty to them, I don't want to abandon my people, they were counting on me to lead them one day. I couldn't betray them like that. I couldn't betray Aonung like that.
"Neteyam," I whispered as I was about to break his heart but he shook his head and marched towards me. Placing one hand on my waist and the other on the side of my face, pulling me closer to him as he took a deep breath and smashed his lips onto mine. Having yearned for this since our last kiss I had forgotten about the issue that came with this as I allowed him to kiss me and I kissed him back, placing my hands on his chest as I could feel his heartbeat rise. Neteyam kissing me so passionately made something inside of me explode as it felt awfully good to have him kiss me like that. His tongue touching my lips and asking for entry, being lost in this moment with Neteyam I forgot about all my worries as I longed for him more than anything. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I let my fingers run through his braids as I pulled him in closer to me and allowed his tongue to roam around freely with mine. He wrapped his arms around my body as he held his hands on my back, his right hand in between my shoulder blades as his left hand was on the small of my back. It was almost like he wasn't sure if he could place his hand on my ass without my permission, because not once did he move his hands to such places.
It took me a while to get this situation through to my head but when I did I pushed him off with a loud gasp as tears began to fill my eyes, feeling my heart break as I did so, my lips still sticky and wet from our passionate kiss.
"I can't be who you want me to be," I cried as he looked at me in disbelief , "I have to mate with Aonung."
"No, no, you don't," he said trying to take ahold of my hands but I wouldn't let him, "I'm so much better for you than he is, Miya. He's evil."
"It doesn't matter," I whispered, "I can't allow myself to fall in love with you, I can't betray my people like that."
"Stop worrying about your duty to your people," Neteyam said, "there's plenty of other girls who could do that."
"But they chose me, Neteyam," I cried out, "he chose me!"
"But.." he stammered as he scratched the back of his head, "I choose you, Miya. I have since the moment I met you."
"Neteyam," I whispered as a tear rolled down my cheek, "I'm not yours to chose. I'm Aonung's. It'll always be Aonung!"
His eyes widened when I spoke those words as he stared into mine, trying to read me, his face softened as he stepped away from me. I had clearly hurt him now but it was the truth, it didn't matter if I wanted him or Aonung, in the end I would be with Aonung. It was already decided, it was out of my contol.
"Aonung," he whispered in a cold voice, "of course."
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, "I wished I could be who you want me to be, but I can't."
"It's okay," he said as he forced a smile and picked up his bow, "I was a fool to think anything could ever happen."
He didn't wait for my response as I watched him walk away from me, I wasn't sure if I should've gone after him.. I wanted to but it wouldn't make anything better.. So I stood there, with tears in my eyes and a rip in my heart as I watched Neteyam leave without looking back at me once. Whatever it could've or couldn't have been with us was gone. Over.

So, what'd you think of this chapter? By the way, if you have any questions that won't force me to spoil anything make sure to ask me, I'll try my best to respond as soon as I can.