Rainbow

Chapter 13

Seulgi's POV
It was timing that after we recorded the performance of Moonbyul noona, Yeji called me. I think it was around 10 am. So I decided to go to the SG company immediately and answer the call when I was on the rooftop. I chose to go here because I also have practice later and for our privacy.

After I finished teaching Yeji and her members, I put my phone in my left pocket while taking out the pack of cigarettes from my other pocket to smoke. I was about to throw the cigarette butt after I smoked when I was startled to see Joohyuna also here on the rooftop. And even though I'm not really into telling my problems to others, I think it is my only choice to help her because I can see that she is struggling with something. She looked stressed and dismal, and that's the last thing I want to see in woman around me.

"What I mean is I will also tell you what my problem is so that it will be fair to you." I pouted when she laughed. "Don't just laugh, my woman. Are you cool with it?"

She shook her head with a smile. "Okay, deal."

I widely smile after I heard her answer. "Okay. You tell first."

She raised her eyebrow. "How can I trust you to tell me your problem after I've told mine?"

I chuckled, "Where's your phone?" She scowled in confusion but still took it from her sling bag and showed it to me. "Please record what I'm going to say." She looked baffled but still followed what I said. I spoke when I saw that the recording was starting. "Wendy, it's me, Kang Seulgi. If Joohyuna asks about my problems, tell all of them, okay? We have a deal. So if you're hearing it now, it means I didn't make my deal to her. That's all, thank you."

Joohyuna looked at me after she saved the record and put it back in her sling bag. "What's that for?"

"An assurance?" I answered and chuckled. "Wendy was the second person who knew everything about me, and you will be the third. And I know she wouldn't tell anybody that, but if you had that record, she would tell it to you. So, are we okay now?"

She laughed softly and looked in front. "That's a reliable one." She sighed afterward. "I don't know how to start it. I'm feeling awkward right now. It will be the first time I will tell my problem to anyone."

"Just say what's on your mind. You don't have to be formal."

She glanced at me and scooted closer to me to put her head on my shoulder. Actually, I sat a meter away from her because I smell like cigarettes right now, and it would take minutes for the smell to be completely off. But, yeah, I can't push her away even though I'm ashamed of my smell now.

I focused my attention on her when she started to speak. "When I was young, I thought you would always be happy when you are an idol, many people will support you, you will have special treatment, and you can do anything. But I was wrong. Well, some parts are true. I was happy when I became an idol, but it is also hard to be one. It's true that when you become an idol, there are people who will support you and fight for you. You will also have special treatment if you're an idol. But there's also mistreatment even if you're famous. You will have haters who will bash you and make you feel like you're the worst person on earth. Some people will criticize your behavior, appearance, talent, figure, and everything they see that you are lacking. And the worst is you can't do anything about it. You can't defend yourself and say that you're human too because you have to be perfect in the eyes of the public." She stopped for a moment, and I felt the cold liquid on my shoulder. She sighed heavily before speaking again. "You have to act what the agency told you that is your character. Sometimes, I felt the whole thing is fake. There are idols that I know personally, and the way they act in public is not what they truly are like behind the camera. Being an idol is already hard. And I'm not only an idol. I am also a leader of a group. You're right. I'm similar to Yeji. As a leader, I have to hide my hardships. I need to think of my members first before myself. So, I keep all my concerns or struggles to myself because we will fall down if we are all weak. I need to be strong for them even if I wasn't and endure all the difficulties I'm having as a leader." I heard her sniff. "And if the company has any problems or issues regarding our group, I am the one who usually gets the bulk of the blame. Sometimes, I have to pretend I am okay in front of my members. I don't want to ruin their mood. I don't want them to be worried about me. You know what? Leaving this industry came to my mind. But I can't find the courage to do it whenever I think of my members and our fans. I don't want to leave them just for my own happiness."

I groped my pocket to know if I had a handkerchief, and I was glad I had, so I handed it to her. "Here."

"Thanks." She said as she took it. I want to hug her to comfort her or pat her on the back like I do with Yeji whenever she cries to me when she's having difficulties. But I didn't do any of it because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. So all I did was remained silent while she was crying softly. And I felt a heavy heart when I heard her sob and sniff. After minutes, she spoke again. "I'm really having a hard time with the responsibility placed on my shoulders. It's ponderous that sometimes I want to give up, but I just can't. I have members I need to take care of, I need to protect." She removed her head from me and took a deep breath afterward.

"May I know why you chose to be an idol?" I glanced at her and saw her leaning on the railings and looking far away. I saw her eyes and nose were red. My poor woman.

"Except I love music, singing, and dancing. I picked this career because I thought I would have a chance to talk to my boyfriend if I became an idol."

I looked at her in surprise at what she answered. "You have a boyfriend?"

She nodded. "No one knows that was why I auditioned, not until today. And my members don't know that I have a boyfriend. So don't tell them, okay?"

I nodded slowly, still shocked by what I heard. "O-okay," I said in a daze.

She looked at me and laughed softly. "What's with your face?"

"I just can't believe that you have a boyfriend. I thought you were single."