Devale moved Crystal off his lap and sat her on the couch. He ordered take-out then poured her a glass of wine and him a shot of Hennessy.
They sat at opposite ends of the couch. Crystal had her legs across Deval's lap while he rubbed his hand up and down the side of her thigh.
Devale: Look at me.
Crystal looked at him then quickly put her head down.
Devale: Why won't you look at me?
Crystal: Devale I can't, I'm so angry with you and disappointed in myself look at what I did to your face.
Devale: I know Crys. But dont worry about that. Listen my behavior today was absolutely unacceptable. I should not have responded like that after you expressed your feelings in what was supposed to be a safe space? I'm sorry.
Crystal: I don't know what to say, I'm sorry for hitting you. I feel like something in us broke today, I don't know what to do to fix us or if it's even fixable?
Devale: You are my wife, we gone always fix fit.
So remember last month when you were out having a pamper day with your friends?
Crystal: Yeah, what about it.
Devale: When I took a break from work I went to check on ma and Aden she was on the phone talking to someone about a specialist appointment saying she was tired as wouldn't be there.
When she was done with her call she confided in me that she is very ill. She has between 6 to 18 months to live and she doesn't want that time spent in a hospital. She has made peace with it but I haven't. She doesn't want me to tell my brother or pops and I do feel like it isn't my secret to tell. I also feel selfish like I'm loosing my mom for the 2nd time.
I think about my son, how he won't remember her or how much she loves him, the same love I yearned from her as a boy. I think about my brother who has no idea how his world is about to change or my dad who will love the love of his life again and forever.
In my last solo therapist appointment I realized that in this season of her life Ma sees me as a confidant, someone she doesn't have to hide her truth from while I'm still looking for my mommy to make it better. I'm processing now thats its not better or going to get better. I tried to focus more or work to ease my life stress but work has been stressing me out, I'm not happy, I'm not living up to my full potential. I want to do bigger projects but that will take time away from you guys. I also can't cut back until my agency is a household name. I feel like I'm not growing fast enough, and I feel like if I provide more then you would be ok working less.
Crystal didn't respond verbally. She sat quietly trying to process her thoughts. She felt sad and hurt about the news from her mother-in-law. But she was still upset with the treatment that her husband has been giving her for the last two days.
Devale: Babe say something.
Crystal: I got so many things swirling through my head. I'm sad about Ma, I love her and I appreciate her being in Aden's life. I wish it was something I could do or say to ease the pain or change the outcome.
But babe why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you let me know what was going on with you when I kept asking?
Why did you choose to shut me out?
Why did you choose to take it out on me instead of confiding in me?
Do you think I'm to mentally fragile to be there for you, do you see me as a wife or a project?
Devale: What are you talking about?
Crystal: I'm talking about the fact that I feel none of this is a reason for the treatment that you've been giving me if you've already spoken about it with your therapist then why not speak about it with me? Why am I here if I can't console my husband when he needs me?
Why do you treat me like I'm disposable to you? You put me out your car today and tried to take my son. Why is it any time we have the slightest disagreement the first thing you say is I can leave but you're keeping Aden? Why do you keep trying to push me out of my child's life? Did you marry me out of fear that I would take him from you?
Did we get married too quick?
Are we fooling ourselves?
Do we have a future together like what the fuck Devale. You just sat here and told me that you're worried about how your brother will feel and your dad would process it. You thought about everyone else attached to you but me and I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Devale: No crystal, I don't think that you're a bad mom. Yes, crystal. I think that you are a good wife.
I'm supposed to take stuff off your plate so that you don't have to worry about it. I see now, that was wrong, I'm trying to fix it now. Buy you're fucking spiraling right now, you need to relax.
Crystal: I need to relax? Ok, there is no getting through to you. I've asked,screamed,cried, begged and nothing is getting through. Look at your fucking face Devale. Your turning me into someone I'm not and yeah we do need some space so I'm going to go ahead and go.
Devale: Go where Crystal? I'm your husband all roads lead back to me, you're not going anywhere.
Crystal: And that right there is also a problem. I am your wife, you are not my owner, I'm going to go to work. I'm not working less if you work more, I'm going to follow my passion just like you are and I expect the same support I give you.
I'm going to have friends, I'm going to do things outside of you and my baby. I'm not gonna fight with you every time I leave out the door. I'm not about to be stuck in a fucking loveless marriage. Because you wanna be Big Daddy Devale, no fucking way!
Devale: A loveless marriage? Crystal you're upset let's table this before one of us say something we can't take back. A loveless marriage, you really questioning if I love you. Yeah you about to piss me off.
Crystal: You always fucking pissed off Devale what's new? You need to control that shit before I leave you for real.
Devale: Hmph I already know you itching to be single, you want to link up with you single hoe friends doing hoe shit. Not with my son you won't, get your fucking mind right.
Crystal: I believe YOU'RE the one that hooked up with my single hoe friend though. Oh wait she forced head on you as you claim but that's all that happened yeah ok
You said if I wanted space after this conversation you would leave. This conversation is over. LEAVE!
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