The next morning I woke up before Devale I just laid there in silence trying to process everything.
Today would be the first day home without my daughter, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was still sore, but hopefully today I could move around better. I still can't pick Aden up but his between his daddy, grandma and TT Angela he will be ok.
I'm laying in the middle of my boys cuddling fatty with my back turned away from Devale. I feel him shift in his sleep trying to get comfortable. I reached behind me to grab his arm to put it around me. He scoots in close pulling both Aden and I into his arms. Still asleep he snuggled his neck into mine then in a sleepy raspy voice tells me he loves me and not to worry peanut will be home soon.
I shed a few silent tears for my daughter who would wake up in the hospital full of strangers instead of in my arms. I wonder if her being away with hurt our bond, I wonder if it's too late to breastfeed. I wonder so many things that I start to feel overwhelmed. I took a deep breathe and thank God for sparring her life. I asked him to protect her today as tomorrow would take care of itself.
I drifted back to sleep for about an hour before my son woke me up demanding food. Aden is now 19 months he speaks clearly and even though he isn't even two yet the boy has a personality just like his daddy. He wants what he wants when he wants and will act a fool using every tool in his baby arsenal to get it.
I reached my arms out for him to climb up to me since he was still to heavy for me to lift. "Come here son, let me love you" I try to kiss him down. I missed him terribly this last two days, this man could care less. He shook that empty sippy cup in my face repeating "Juice momma" until I finally agreed then he finally gave me a chubby hug.
I sigh at how this two minute task is going to take me 10 minutes. I could wake Devale to get it but I won't. I make it the kitchen with Aden running ahead, I got my baby some juice and he ran off while I made him a frozen waffle and some fruit until his dad wakes up. He wakes up a hour later finding Aden and I in the livingroom watching cartoons.
Devale: Good morning baby, how you feeling?
Crystal: Morning baby, I'm ok. My stomach is still a little tender but overall I feel better. How are you doing?
"I'm good" he replied. Before he kisses her. Come here son he says reaching down for Aden. Aden runs over to his daddy. Devale tickles him and says You haven't been stressing my wife out have you, you being a good boy?
Crystal: Yes, he went even went potty alone and everything. I made him some waffles and fruit.
Devale: Babe you should've woke me up. You need to heal babe, I got him.
Crystal: I know but I'm his mom and I didn't pick him up at all. I just can't sit around here doing nothing it gives me to much to think about.
Devale: I get it babe, but you only got to chill for a couple more days. Promise me you will ok babe, I mean it Crys.
Devale looked more concerned than angry. He will never say it out loud but I can see he is terrified and stressed. I can feel it.
Crystal: I promise babe, I didn't mean to worry you.
Devale took a quick shower before making us all breakfast. I stayed put as promised. After Devale packed Aden a week's worth of clothes, he showered and dressed me and my son. We dropped Aden off and went straight to see peanut.
On the ride from Angela's to the hospital he held my hand and told me all his plans for peanuts room and our life in general. It made me emotional because all my thoughts were surrounded around her not being with us while all his were planning for the day she will be.
My baby must have missed us and wanted to come home because miss thang was in regular nicu when we arrived. This is huge, she gained 8oz in 3 days. In nicu you I can hold her and feed her. I was over joyed with emotion. The nurse said she was doing much better and while she still isn't out the danger zone her chances of being strong and healthy have improved greatly.
The nurse asked if we wanted to do skin to skin before her feeding. Of course we did. Devale went first taking off his shirt and washing his hands for the third time in ten minutes. When the nurse laid peanut on his chest I could see the weight of the world lift off of him. Peanut was so tiny, smaller than Devales hand but somehow she knew she was in her daddy's arms. She gave the tiniest smile which caused him and I both to shed tears.
Then it was my turn, holding my daughter for the first time is a core memory that I would never ever forget. It was so peaceful, I can't put it into words.
Leaving her was just as gut-wrenching as it was the previous day but unlike yesterday today I believed that she would be ok.
Devale got me home and back in bed by 4pm. He made us lunch while I facetimed Aden. Somehow he made it from his granny's to his tt Mel house with his cousin Ashton. I was grateful so many people loves and cares for my babies.
Devale brought our plates in the room and ate with me while I watched my movie. He cleaned the house before climbing in bed with me to take a nap. He was knocked out with in five minutes, my poor husband I thought to myself. I can't imagine the stress he has been under this week.
I stayed awake why he slept. I couldn't move because of the way he was laying on me. I was getting bored, I grabbed my cellphone to do some online shopping. I automatically go to instrgram when I see a post that reminds me of the reason my baby was born early and why she isn't here.
It's a post from Chelsea sister saying she don't buy the story the media is feeding. She knows the Ellises had something to do with the murder of her sister and she isn't going to stop fighting for the truth until Devale Ellis is locked up.
I can't help but think that this is the calm before the storm. I don't know what's coming but something is and I pray my husband and I are still standing strong at the end of it.
Ok yall this was a short filler chapter before shit get sticky. Don't forget to vote!
